Yeah, numbing my feelings was the name of the game. At some level, I believed that if I had to feel all those things (anger, shame, fear, self-hatred) that I would die. Drugs, sex, alcohol, all played a part in keeping me from feeling. When I finally broke down, facing all those feelings was overwhelming. I hated it. But I didn't die. You won't either. You will learn that they are just feelings and they are your friends, because they will help you get well. Don't turn away from them.
My only suggestion is to get you and your wife into some kind of joint counseling. Someone who can help you understand what she needs from you, help her understand why that is hard for you to do, and help work out a way for you to move forward together.
This is all hard work, painful, and without any quick fix. But it can get better.
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to screamJoe Cocker