Onesimus, Rich, Todd, Geoff - thanks so much for this, guys. Your support's come at a time when I really needed it, in the midst of a huge challenge.
I dozed off to sleep after the dream, for a few hours maximum, until I got woken up again by what I think counts this time as a nightmare. I won't go into the details, but I was pretty jaded. After a day's rest, things are better.
Onesimus - I will keep up the hard work. I have to admit, it's not seldom when I think of just throwing in the towel and calling the whole thing off. I really have to dig into my reserves to keep going, but I won't stop.
Rich - you are right, there's no turning back now, I've hit the 'point of no return'. I'll be reserving booking out the venue today, and strolling around for a nice suit. You're absolutely right about the pressure and fear being good motivators now. It's a fine line though - those two things motivating you on the one hand, and making you crumble on the other. I have one piece of paper taped on the face on my piano and it simply says in block letters, "BREATHE." I forget to do that sometimes. I did reread my post - thank you for reminding me to do that. It's made me remember the thoughts that got me here in the first place.
Todd - I can really relate back to what you say about the 'saboteurs'. There are many of them within me. It's making me realize how damaged I am inside, and how much overwhelming self-assurance I need to keep myself going. The three words I've been using a lot in my thoughts are "will", "am", and "can". I will x, y, z. I am x, y, z. I can do x, y, z. This project really has become something like rooting myself out of bad habits, and it's really, really hard. I cling onto the hope that with enough repeated self-encouragements, my unconscious will finally get the idea that I am capable and worthy of change.
Geoff - he is pretty scared, the little guy in me. He's scared of failing, he's scared of not being prepared for the concert. He's afraid there's not enough time. I constantly have to remind him that things will be OK, that I'll give my best to rise up to the challenge.
I've never really realized how things I overlooked are so important in rising above challenges. A good diet and sleeping schedule, for basics. And then, SELF-TALK. I do feel negative emotions quite often, and every time I need to reassure, soothe and comfort myself, and motivate myself to keep pushing. If anything, it's been a big life lesson.
I think the two biggest motivations for me at the moment are 1) friends who will be seeing me in concert and 2) you guys, who have encouraged me, and, by in large, given me the incredible message that even if I fail, I can still come back to you guys for support. It is paradoxical, but it is powerful. Thanks again guys. I'm printing your comments on posting them on my piano