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#446089 - 08/31/13 09:30 PM Looking to vent against h8rs
wordman Offline


Registered: 07/11/11
Posts: 4
Loc: San Diego, CA
I'm pretty strong about my survivor status, but I put myself out on the line and got quite a slap down for it and I guess I'm just looking to vent.

If you haven't seen, the Washington Post has published a pretty heinous op-ed piece about the notion of decriminalizing statutory rape by teachers of students. I wrote a strongly worded but very honest response to the piece, and identified myself as a survivor. While a couple of people disagreed with me simply because they agreed(!) with the author, most of the response was positive (one person hoped the Post would ask me to write a rebuttal), and it left me feeling very positive, and very strong.

Then came "What a whiny wimp! So something happened to you. Get over it already!"

I know there are horrible people out there, and I know what kind of level many comments sections can sink to. But given how things were going (even one dissenter respectfully addressed the fact that I was a survivor and acknowledged that the article must've been hard to read, which I didn't expect), this was a real slap in the face.

I didn't give in, simply hit "Ignore user" and moved on. But it's shaken me to the core in a way I didn't expect and I just needed to come to a supportive environment and vent.

I'm sure some will say I got what I deserved, opening up the way I did. I'm not looking for sympathy or even acknowledgement. Just a place to get this off my chest.

Thanks for listening.

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#446091 - 08/31/13 10:21 PM Re: Looking to vent against h8rs [Re: wordman]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1043
Loc: The ATL

I don't think anyone here is going to say you "got what you deserved." Just for daring to open up about CSA? It pisses me off that a CSA survivor can't just open up in a public forum without some knuckle-dragging mongoloid, who is as unthinking as they are unfeeling, making an idiotic and insensitive comment like that. I should't let it get to me either but it does piss me off. In fact, this is something I just posted in another thread a few hours ago and I think it applies here too, so I'm cutting and pasting....

"The world is full of ignoramuses and morons. I think it's important at some point to be able to accept that and not let those ignoramuses make us feel any worse about a bad situation than we already do. There may be few who understand, but we don't need everyone to understand. As long as someone does, then we know we are not alone, and we're not."

You are going to run into people like that wherever you go in this society. They are an inevitability, so why let them affect you? Just take comfort in the fact that this guy was an idiot and he said what he said because your openness made him uncomfortable, which he can't handle, which makes him the wimp. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#446095 - 08/31/13 10:53 PM Re: Looking to vent against h8rs [Re: wordman]
kcinohio Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 220
Loc: Ohio
Yes, sometimes one bad comment can send me spiraling well beyond what i know to be its worth when I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable. In my experience, for me, the only way to get beyond it effectively is to open up again, usually in a safer context. Looks like you've already done that here.

I think the key is to realize it is our own reactions to these kind of things that cause us the most trouble, not the negative comments themselves. Hope you're gaining more from opening up than encountering problems from it.

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#446101 - 09/01/13 12:26 AM Re: Looking to vent against h8rs [Re: wordman]
wordman Offline


Registered: 07/11/11
Posts: 4
Loc: San Diego, CA
Thanks to you both for the reassurance and kind words of support. Ken, you've given me something to think about with your comment that not everyone needs to understand. It's a very healthy way of looking at things. If the *right* people understand (and they do, fortunately, in my circle), that's what's key.

And KC, you're right: just talking about it defused quite a bit of what I was feeling.

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#446102 - 09/01/13 12:30 AM Re: Looking to vent against h8rs [Re: wordman]
Onesimus75 Offline


Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
Please don't take it too personally. I'm glad that there is growing awareness about the damage of sexual abuse, but it's tragic and true that most people I know of still think that abusers are dirty men in trenchcoats with knives hiding behind bushes. They don't understand the subtler poison of positions of power.
In my humble opinion, the sort of abuse that goes on by teachers and elders can be really harmful, because it's so hard for guys like me to sort out our body's reactions, genuine respect that we had for positive things about our abusers, normal, healthy human needs... and how all of those things were used like levers to hurt us by our abusers.
Most people I know, I can never tell them what I really struggle with from the abuse. They see a 250 lb lifelong martial artist, and don't understand that someone with a subtler style hurt me more than any opponent in a ring.
Sorry, tired, getting melodramatic. end trans
_________________________
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

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#446150 - 09/01/13 06:16 PM ! [Re: wordman]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 09:39 PM)

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#446171 - 09/01/13 10:30 PM Re: Looking to vent against h8rs [Re: wordman]
forgive777 Offline


Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 96
Loc: california
Very true!!! Ken
_________________________
BertG777

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#446175 - 09/01/13 10:56 PM Re: Looking to vent against h8rs [Re: wordman]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 299
Loc: Iowa, USA
W-
I'm very sorry that you had to experience such a painful event like you did played out in the public arena. Unfortunately, one trait or characteristic of humans is that when they go on the attack, they are able to identify the other person's vulnerabilities and then hone in on them with laser-like accuracy so that they can cause significant damage as quickly as possible.

For someone to attack you, and not your ideas, indicates that they didn't have a rebuttal to your response, and were not able to admit either that they were wrong in their thinking or that your response was spot on and no response can counteract it.
Consequently, they went on the offensive and attacked you where you were most vulnerable - the feeling that you are damaged and worthless. Telling you to "Get Over It" is to discount your trauma and not acknowledge the horror you lived through.

W, you are strong. You survived and you are willing to talk about it openly. You are putting a human face on what 1 in 6 of us have experienced. You brought it out of the shadows and into the light. You have provided an example for all of us - to stand up and bring justice to the victim of this horrific crime. Thank you for your willingness to put CSA in the public arena, you have provided healing for so many of us by your actions.

Dave

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#446258 - 09/02/13 09:39 PM Re: Looking to vent against h8rs [Re: wordman]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 817
Loc: Ohio
I have had the same reaction to a lot of Penn Staters. My common retort when they whine about the sanctions and the "injustice" done to Paterno is that they are the reason that Sandusky was able to go on so long and proof that PSU is that bad. These people prove that the janitors had a legitimate judgment that reporting a boy being raped would bring all the football supporters down on their heads. I try to stick with the things I can change and ask for serenity to accept those morons that I can't. Can't say that it solves the problem but it prevents me from getting drunk over it.
_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#446261 - 09/02/13 10:01 PM Re: Looking to vent against h8rs [Re: wordman]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 575
Loc: VA
The Post opinion piece reads like it was ghost-written by a child molester. Basically, the writer doesn't believe in age-of-consent laws... like poet and NAMBLA founder Alan Ginsburg, who infamously declared "Eight is too late."

John

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