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#446057 - 08/31/13 03:07 PM I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Hey guys --

Just shot off a PM to some of my MS besties, but I guess this is the best place to post.

I had my first heart attack about 48 hours ago. It hadn't been a particularly strenuous day - though, as many of you know, the loss of my feline companion of 16 years has really weighed heavily on me since mid-month.

I had pain inside my left arm that got worse during the day, including the armpit. I lay down for a couple hours and it was worse, almost unbearable, including bad lower jaw pain. When I started to feel lightheaded and break into a cold sweat I called 911.

At the hospital yesterday they put in two stents. I was released today. I've still a list of meds to decipher. I'm just getting used to being back home. I'm not supposed to lift. No lawn (my love) for at least a month.

Friends (and clients) are supportive, but I'm scared shitless. In my 50s, biological mother's side has this. For those of you who don't know, I'm also an HIV survivor of 21 years who started on new meds seven months ago that have changed my life. So, just as I'm getting my life back, I feel like my body has betrayed me. I know this is still too damn fresh and, at the moment, I simply need to lay down for a while. Hell, I've been on my back for two days anyway.

Except for 40 years of smoking, I have other healthy things going on...my diet, I like working outside, and because of the HIV I've learned to jettison stressors. But, dammit, right now I'm more scared than I ever have been. Scared isn't the right word. I want more life. I'm not ready to die. Particularly this year, I've really started to enjoy my life again.

...and I'm rambling.

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#446063 - 08/31/13 03:30 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL

(((((LANCER)))))

I know I've already said this stuff in PM but my god, it is SO terrible to hear that this happened to you. I am SO glad to hear that you're ok though. Just take it as easy as possible. The lawn and the yard can wait. Take care of yourself, my friend. We all want you to be around for a long time to come. Peace,

Ken

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#446086 - 08/31/13 08:56 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Suwanee Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 759
Loc: Southeast USA
((((((Lancer))))))

I'll echo Ken...take care of yourself, rest, recover and follow the doctor's instructions. I'm so glad you had ample warning so you could have the stents placed.

Take care.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#446108 - 09/01/13 01:23 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Lancer, we are with you man!
Please try to get some rest and calm down. You are hell of a fighter and I'm sure you'll win this battle.
I'm praying for your quick recovery.

Sending hugs and love

((((Dave))))
_________________________
My story

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#446110 - 09/01/13 03:45 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Appreciate all the hugs guys. It's taking me time to digest. Reluctantly have firmly planted my ass in a chair or in bed since I got home. Nor can I deny - coming home pretty ripe plus full of pre-surgical iodine in a couple strategic areas - the wonderful simple pleasure of finally taking a shower and being able to shave.

I've managed to get a handle on the four scripts and I'm okay thru September on supply. One thing off my mind.

At the moment I'm hypervigilant about any pain and, frankly, scared most of the time. But, haven't been home even a day yet.

Something I shared, which makes me feel good for some reason, in a PM to another member. I've always believed animals do have a particular sense on matters medical. Just have never experienced it for myself. While I was lying in the hospital bed I thot about Ricky...and that when he lay on my chest (all the time), I think there was something in his feline wisdom/senses that led him to always lie directly on the side of my chest above my heart.

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#446133 - 09/01/13 12:18 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
KMCINVA Offline
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Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1790
Keep well. And wishing you a healthy recovery.

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#446138 - 09/01/13 02:49 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
SoccerStar Offline
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Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 918
Loc: New York
(((Lancer)))

That is so scary! I'm glad you came through it and hope it can just be one more thing to manage. Sometimes the shit keeps piling up but you've proven you can handle it if given a fighting chance. Really rooting for you to overcome this.


Matt
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#446139 - 09/01/13 03:07 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5947
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Let me say I am scared for you Lancer, that was an incredible ordeal. Thank you for sharing that with us so that we can all tell you just how important it is for you to care for yourself, keep working through this large stressor and most importantly continue to feel better!

I have no idea what you are going through, but I recently had a gall bladder attack. Chest pains, no relief, nausea, vomiting, lightheaded and helpless, racked in pain and weakness. I am 46 and have no history of long term illness with me nor my family, so I was fairly confident it was not life threatening. Still, I could not even drive myself to the hospital. I am on the backside of that, every time I have dairy products my gallbladder pulses and there is some pressure, I think that is under control. What I do share with you is the hyper vigilance of pain. I will shut down, drop what I am doing and go to bed at the first sign of pain, reaching for the pain and the anti-nausea medication. So far.., so good. I am finding what I am capable of eating and doing and where the proverbial line is drawn. You too, especially after having experienced HIV and it's regiment, can be confident that soon you will enjoy a new lifestyle that allows you freedoms and joy filled experiences, that by being preset and aware, you again will find the live! in life.

It is coming, hope for it till it shortly arrives, anticipate the smiles and comfort, they are almost here fellow survivor,

Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#446165 - 09/01/13 09:11 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
concerned_husky Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 606
(((Lancer)))

I'm so sorry to hear this frown

I don't have much to add to what the guys have said already but I really hope you have a speedy recovery from this.
_________________________
Husky

My Story

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#446173 - 09/01/13 10:41 PM . [Re: Lancer]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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#446178 - 09/01/13 11:35 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Man, guys, your responses overwhelm me. And to hear from so many of you with whom I haven't shared the boards in months. Right now I don't have words.

Similar to what you've learned, Sam, I learned that when I got tired to just plain stop. And, yeah, I've now added "pain" to the list.

Somewhat related, my painter was here when I had the attack (think a real-life "Agador" from "Bird Cage"). He was going to come over for a few hours' work today, but thankfully went off on a bender Saturday night and wasn't up for it. And I was thinking just as well, because I really wanted to go back to bed...and did.

In general it still seems unreal. I'm back home. I don't feel particularly badly. I feel as if I could just go back to doing what I do. But, quite consciously, I don't.

There are plenty of things I want to do and I'm not. My Welsh bestie John went thru this 18 years ago. Right now he's my rock. In short, he's told me not to expect too much of myself this month. lol...some of you can probably confirm this, but in the UK, people in my condition automatically have their licenses suspended for a month. I know John well enough that this will be a bone of contention with us. I think he just wants to chauffeur me around in the Jag - lunch tomorrow - in which case I think I'll sit properly in the back seat.

Of course, stories like those above are my nature. On a serious note, however, I don't do "helpless" very well. Cabin fever and inactivity, 36 hours from coming back home, are driving me nuts, but I'm sticking with it. Watching Turner Classic for hours...ugh. I'd feel better if at least I had several packages of Twinkies while I watched. Oh well. Can't do that. I'm thinking of getting on Amazon to find some good, classic mid-century post-nuclear holocaust novels. Believe it or not they helped during the three weeks without electricity following Hurricane Wilma.

Seriously missing any feline companionship and there's nothing I can do about it right now. It will be at least a couple weeks before the new adult adoptees (Tigger and Spot) are brought home.

The two big special events of my day were that I put clothes in the dryer and I took a dump. "Health and Wellbeing" my ass...Sheesh.

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#446286 - 09/03/13 06:17 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Four and a half days and I'm okay I guess. I don't know that I "should" have, but cabin fever was getting to me. Okay, the level of the whole day's activities were probably a bad idea. I'm not feeling it, except my intuition is bothering me.

Headed to Walgreens with the scripts and for the BLU starter pack which ain't half bad. It's made considerable inroads into what remained of my usual smoking. I'm reaching for the inhaler instead of a cig...like right now. Now if I just looked like Stephen Dorff.

Also started on a client's ad (Fri deadline) with a stern caveat to him I may/may not be able to meet that deadline under the circumstances. Period. I'm setting a lot of boundaries with people and fuck it if they don't like it.

"Agador" my painter wrapped up most of his stuff yesterday, cleaned up, put furniture back. It's just good to have the house back together. We were both pretty shocked at the colors remaining on my arm from the IVs and catheter insertions. It was good for me to see that thru his eyes.

I understand from my bestie and others that months-long depression is pretty common following this and I'm definitely into that mode now, despite some regular functioning. Those of us who have dealt with depression know it's not a case of "the blues" or "cheer up!" or "you'll get over this!"...platitudes which, in my experience, often make the depression worse. A good reason I'm NOT sharing this except with those who are closest to me. i.e., though we're friendly, the plump, clueless housefrau across the street will get minimal information. I may look/act "fine"...but I'm far from it.

In a broader sense - and yeah, I think this has a lot to do with my post-CSA experiences - I'm feeling fragile, angry and highly defensive.

Christ, I'll have enough yet to deal with this month. Expect a call today or tomorrow that Ricky's ashes are ready (http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...5832#Post445832). I'll need to have a friend with me to collect them...and drive. Walgreens may be "okay" for a short drive - it's not - but for this task, it's out of the question.

For my head, I really think I need to make the adult adoptee kitties - Tigger and Spot - a priority, though it will be at least a couple weeks before they can come home. I've been collecting a few paper roll tubes in anticipation of toy needs. Funny how a simple act like that is more help than most anything else right now.

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#446305 - 09/03/13 11:00 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
fwiw, a voicemail fr a friend - in his way - encouraging me: "oh, you'll be swimming from Cuba to Florida...in a few years." I dunno. Do I slap him?

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#446306 - 09/03/13 11:02 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5947
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
It depends, do you like jellyfish in the facial area and swimming without a shark tank in shark infested waters? Well if you don't, I'd say.., wind up!
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#446392 - 09/04/13 07:35 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
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Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Jellyfish. Lovely. Right up there w/man-o-war. Maybe a trip to the aquarium to swim IN the shark tank? Jus' a thot.

Ran into a former neighbor/tenant while picking up the meds. He seemed shocked and said, OMG you look great! (compared to 3 years ago, I guess). Comment did wonders for me...THEN I filled him in on the past week.

As I PM'd one of the guys, I'm gradually learning to take stuff in stride the past 24 (less than a week). Consciously limiting almost everything I do. Have a handle now on which med does what...blood thinners, blood pressure lowering, etc. Had to jettison NSAIDS (Aleve) or even ibuprofen in favor of Tylenol (even that's limited). Apparently, occasional angina isn't reason to panic. Lightheadedness more related to the meds (beta blockers). But I'm still (hyper)vigilant now that I know what the whole damn thing feels like.

Family's good to have. My favorite cousin (as we refer to each other) called me when he got my email. He had a heart attack two years ago, three stents. Gave us something else to talk about...and I don't have the words for that kind of support.

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#446401 - 09/04/13 12:32 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 759
Loc: Southeast USA
Lancer,

I'm not even going to say I know what you must be feeling after experiencing something like you went through. But...I'm glad you're sharing your perspective with us. I know this is a serious matter and It isn't right to say I "enjoy" reading your updates, but your writing does have a certain "zing" to it.

Prioritize as needed and continue your recovery.

Btw: I'm a swimmer and I've made some epic distance swims, but I just don't get the Cuba-Keys swim infatuation. Those waters are dangerous...for the currents alone, not to mention the bitey/stingy stuff.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#446443 - 09/05/13 01:30 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
wow.. (((Lancer))))

Have been not to busy on line for a week or so... ill mom and all posted about earlier. Really concerned to hear about your heart attack. Will be thinking of you.


Edited by ThisMan (09/05/13 01:31 AM)
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#446460 - 09/05/13 04:09 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
To you Will, TM and the others who have posted, I think a considerable part of my stability the past week has been from you guys and being able to share it here. Not just cathartic, but perhaps a roadmap of good/bad/so-so days when/if one of our brothers goes through the same.

I'm still shaken and shaky. Then again, today's only a week. Have the meds regimen down. Limiting most activities.

I already posted on Ricky's thread. But I'll share here about picking up his ashes. A positive that made my day/week/month. I was treated pretty callously when going down for the cremation. I immediately made a stink and an administrator made sure she made it right. I shot her a thank you note afterwards. Despite my own driving restrictions, I picked up the ashes yesterday. I thought the cardboard box felt heavy. When I opened it, they'd placed his ashes in a beautiful, sealed cherry box. What a wonderful surprise, a container as beautiful as he was, and an appropriate treatment for a special companion of 16 years...then the waterworks started.


As my days go the past week, Wed was the best so far. Wrapped the advert work I hadn't expected. A neighbor cut the yard. No fuss. Just came over and did it "because neighbors help each other," he said. And, a friend took me to dinner (which, yeah, included red wine with the black beans and rice).

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#446613 - 09/07/13 07:26 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Observation/comments on the last 48...

For one, rest is apparently "still" crucial. Forced myself to stay in bed for 18 hours and felt considerably better. For contrast, I think I did too damn much after returning home.

Doing anything more than a single car trip in a day is a really bad idea.

And, looking at everything since mid-Aug - including Ricky - there's still an air of unreality about it all. All these major losses make me sad, sometimes beyond words.

That said, I'm becoming more accepting that the next month or two (or three?) will be considerably ramped down from normal. I don't like it - hell, I hate it - and there's nothing I can do about it.

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#446618 - 09/07/13 08:39 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1600
Loc: New England
Your body is telling you that rest is a really good idea right now. Listen to it!

Have you been referred to a cardiac rehab program as part of your recovery? If not, ask your doc about it.

My heart belongs to you any time you need it,

Jude
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

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#446624 - 09/07/13 01:13 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
lol Jude. I'm getting that from a LOT of people, including biological mom who's a retired RN. Very reluctantly - and it's not a machismo thing - I'm doing it. But it's damn frustrating to actually be so helpless. Now that you bring it up, I don't think I've felt this helpless since I was a post-CSA teenager still living under the same roof with the adopted mommybitch. Cardiologist, btw, is Tues afternoon.

As far as you're heart belonging to me, if you know a good transplant doc I'll take you up on the offer ;-)...except I like your Bette Midler quote.


fwiw, cancelled the visit with the new "kids" tomorrow. Half hour drive's a bad idea this weekend.

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#446689 - 09/08/13 04:38 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3516
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Lancer -
sorry i missed this whole thread - don't usually come here. add my hope for your restored health and strength to the long list of well-wishers. i dont want to think of what this place would be like without you. do your best not to let that happen - ok?

NOW - can we look forward to an epic marathon thread on heart issues to rival the shingles saga?! dude - you even make major health issues fun!
lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#446704 - 09/09/13 01:24 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
lol...welcome to the thread Lee. Glad to see you showed up. (I, for one, missed you when you did your move this year, dear friend). And I'm mostly with you on the "entertainment value"...my mantra. I suppose it's similar to, "whatever doesn't kill you...."

I was rather glad for the break in the health dramas the past seven months and feeling normal. I suppose it's progress that this time I put it right out there instead of a group PM, huh? Frankly, though, I hate this shit.

Eventually I'll be able to lighten up, but I'm not there yet. At the least, I'm figuring Sept is a wash. I hate being unproductive, personally (can't do a damn thing around the house) and professionally (all Sept shoots cancelled). Nor do I relish having the fragile part of my personality front and center. But that's exactly how I feel and, hell, I'm only ten days along...feels like a damn month already. Shingles, etc., was a cakewalk compared to this.

Granted, have particular support from my Welsh bestie, my fave cousin, even my neighbor across the street. I've apparently, too, been making the right decision by now making sure I lay low, frustrating as it is. And, I sure as hell don't know what THIS is about, but the guy at Petsmart was hitting on me in the midst of this.

Bitch, bitch, bitch, gripe, gripe, gripe. (One of the guys gave me a nudge by shooting Olivia Newton John's "Heart Attack" to me, but I'm feeling more like my Marvin avatar).

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#446753 - 09/09/13 09:09 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
I'll keep it short, but it's been a horrible day. Can't work any shoots or get into the yard to work it off. Worst depression I've had in ages. And had my first gut-wrenching cry since the heart attack...crying for Ricky, crying for myself.

Despite the success of the HIV treatment the past seven months, I find myself wondering if the struggle is worth it...whether I bother with (or even if I'm worthy of) any more feline companions, whether it's worth it to continue fighting my own health issues. I feel tired, fragile and beaten. Right now I don't feel like I can fight any more.

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#446816 - 09/10/13 10:52 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3516
Loc: somewhere in Africa
(((Lancer))) -

maybe this is the time to *rest* instead of "fight."

i hope the cry helped. i know sometimes tears can be comforting - and sometimes they hurt.

it sounds like this would be a very good time to have those kitty adoptees nearby - rather than dropping the idea. can you proceed with that while following doctor's orders?

no heart jokes today...
lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#446824 - 09/10/13 11:51 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Thanks Lee. I'm doing a bit better in daylight. Though I needed to cry, I was afraid what it might bring on physically. But I also know there are chemical benefits to a good cry. Don't know that I feel any better, but....

You may be right about the kids. Planning to make another attempt this weekend. I see the cardiologist today and will have a better handle on everything.

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#446861 - 09/10/13 06:55 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Saw the cardiologist this afternoon and feel a bit better about things, if not completely at ease yet. In short, his theme seemed to be, "you have a new heart." I couldn't believe it when he said I could resume my normal activities as I feel able. I feel like the shackles have been undone. This will take a while to digest.

Nitro for the remaining pain, but no cause for alarm.

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#446875 - 09/10/13 11:45 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 955
Loc: southern California
Lancer, I've been a little out of it and not active here lately. I was pretty shaken to see your original post to this thread, so I am VERY VERY glad to find this current update.

Great to hear the doc's excellent report.
No more slackin'. Now drop and do some pushups! ;-)
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#446876 - 09/10/13 11:59 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3516
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Lancer - good to hear that latest report.

all the same - it might not hurt to ease into things gently for a while...

but - go for the feline friends, man - you need each other!
lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#446896 - 09/11/13 10:44 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
If any consolation, Keith, you've plenty of company in the Shaken Dept., including me.

The gist is he opened up the big pipes, but the smaller ones may have remaining problems he couldn't access because of their size. For you clinicians - I was awake the whole time and remember the procedure - it was catheters, balloons and then drug-eluting stents. Between iodine, dyes and bruising, interesting colors on my right arm.

fwiw, since some online and offline have expressed concern...I'd guess no lawn for another 7-10 days, may pull weeds. @Keith...I'm NOT going to drop and give ANYONE ten because I'd probably just drop.

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#447006 - 09/12/13 05:28 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
lol...no lawn my @$$. I decided, screw it.

One reason is I'm sick of being stuck inside two weeks. I don't do "helpless" well. Another is I had more serious depression last night...and activity helps me out of it. Doc had said to resume activity as I was able - he probably didn't quite have this in mind - but I felt able. (No cardiac rehab I'd presume because I'm not a sedentary human blimp stuffing his face with BK, Pizza Hut and Twinkies).

Stuck a nitro under my tongue, and the project took twice as long as usual and about ten breaks. It was overcast and cool (for us). Quite happily came in with sweat, grass clippings and smelling of 87 octane. No lifting, btw. Just pushing...slowly.

Had a call fr an HIV study admin in the middle of it who pointed out the immediate benefit, aside from trying the new pipes (like testing the flush system on an A380?), was being able to see a tangible accomplishment. I like that he typically takes a holistic view and doesn't patronize.

And then hit the sack for three hours. Tylenol for the muscles. I'm feeling more re-energized than sore, but I'll give it 24.

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#447163 - 09/14/13 01:56 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
WriterKeith Offline
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Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 955
Loc: southern California
LANCER! DROP THE POTATO CHIPS AND STEP AWAY FROM THE BAG!

;-) Take it a step at a time. We're all sure glad to have you around. :-)
_________________________
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#447164 - 09/14/13 02:43 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: WriterKeith]
Lancer Offline
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Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: WriterKeith
LANCER! DROP THE POTATO CHIPS AND STEP AWAY FROM THE BAG!

The Southland's Voice of Authority. I don't do well with Authority Keith.

I was sorta right on two steps forward, one step back. Purposely didn't do a damn thing today and I was okay with it. And, like the admin said, I did enjoy the view of the front lawn. Yeah, though, had to do a nitro midday. Been okay since.

Next up is a visit with the adoptables Sunday...and I'll ramble a bit. Sounds weird, but I still wonder if I can be a good dad to 'em. And part of me, as I'm a month from losing him, wonders if I'm sufficiently honoring Ricky's memory. otoh, this pair of FIV guys are, by definition, special - I just thot of this - and they may have been brought into my path for a reason. Regrettably, FIV is often considered "unadoptable" by many shelters and their clients, because of their potential health issues. Ironically, that shared outside perception - of them and me - is all the more reason for me to adopt. Plus this pair has already been bonded for a few years and the agency covers their health needs. Best thing I can do is give 'em a great forever home.

As so many of you have pointed out, too, it would be good for my own recovery. Still feels too damned empty around here. Jus' needed to ramble.

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#447166 - 09/14/13 03:45 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
peroperic2009 Offline
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Registered: 10/09/11
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You know the cats and their lovely independent stance. I'm sure actually they would adopt you not otherwise.
And I secretively hope that they would bring some sun smile

I can't wait Sunday and news from your side of the universe!

Pero
_________________________
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#447304 - 09/15/13 08:06 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
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Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
On matters cat and cardiac: A visit to the potential adoptee pair in foster home this afternoon was inconclusive (one of 'em hid in another room), but also visited the associated shelter and found a pair of girlfriends - a black and a tortie - who seemed intrigued; plus a black male who's settled in my lap a few times on visits and a tab male who likes my shoulders as a perch. I'm proceeding slowly. No clear answers. (Though I'm considering the answer may have presented themselves).

Of more immediate concern, the driving wasn't a particular issue. Had a little pain, but nothing worse than I've had the past week. Between doing the lawn Thurs and today's driving, that's much better progress than I'd expected at this point and still a couple weeks left to the month. At this rate, I feel as if I could actually manage a shorter shoot.

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#447493 - 09/17/13 08:55 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
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Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Had a surprise today when I went to the adoption agency. Turns out they were in the midst of cleaning the cat room, but the black "desk" cat was there as usual, talkative and particularly friendly with me as usual. Turns out he's not neutered and therefore a problem with the others...and always in the way in the office. "Would you foster him for a couple days?"

So, I have a black cat (I've dubbed "Nero") on my desk tonite. Oh, we had a nap this afternoon. He planted his head on my face...yeah, like Ricky would plant his body on my face. And the same meow intonations as Ricky's sister Lucy had. At the moment I'm not inclined to fight fate.

However, he's only two...considerably younger than I'd prefer. At the least he needs those li'l balls clipped - he humps everything - and an older buddy to keep him amused/in line.

lol...so I cut the lawn and no problems there.

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#447509 - 09/18/13 04:51 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
peroperic2009 Offline
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Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Lancer,
so now you have company?
That is great news!!!

How about couple photos to share wink ?

Pero
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#447550 - 09/18/13 02:31 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: peroperic2009]
Lancer Offline
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Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida

update 9/19: Took "Nero" back after the agency's requested "couple of days" because I'd become too attached otherwise. At least it was his familiar venue.

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#447719 - 09/20/13 04:12 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
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Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
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-

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#447906 - 09/22/13 01:56 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
ThisMan Offline
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Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Lancer,

Nero is beautiful. I love black cats, but just too superstitious to have one... yeah, I am a crosser when they cross in front of me. (That's why my cat is white...). Hope you find a good match soon. It sounds like you are ready.

Hope you are feeling much better and back to a constant state of vigor. Let us know about your quest for the kitty.

b
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#447911 - 09/22/13 02:30 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
peroperic2009 Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Wow Lancer, Nero is so relaxed and feeling at home on that photo, thanks for sharing wink

I hope some nice cat would show soon!!!

Pero
_________________________
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#448177 - 09/25/13 07:33 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
WriterKeith Offline
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Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 955
Loc: southern California
Lancer,
So glad you sound well on the mend!

About the cats...I'm not a cat person, but who could resist a cat that nuzzles against you? Sounds like he has made his choice and is waiting to see if it's mutual. :-)

The idea for pets is a good one. All signs show that it's healthy for us to have something or someone to care for.

A scrappy-looking cat began hanging around my yard a few months ago. It stays clear, it's skiddish, but it made several nests for daytime naps and overnighters. I finally caved and began giving it milk and an occasional meal.

It's kind of like a little furry phantom scampering around and sometimes it startles me when I step outside and it darts by. Your black cat photo is great. Keep us posted! So glad to hear you're doing well!

Keith
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#448962 - 10/02/13 04:38 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
WriterKeith Offline
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Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 955
Loc: southern California
Hey, Lancer,
What's the report? How are you doing now? Give us a good report!
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#452744 - 11/07/13 02:39 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
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Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
fwiw, I've been having some bad reactions to the meds in the past month...days of diarrhea, have lost ten lbs. I can't seem to hold on to, debilitating headaches on the right side of my head/temple, hypersensitive scalp, painful right sinus. Can't afford a $200 visit to the doctor because they're already coming after me for the $50K hospital bill.

I even debated posting because, in the real world, no one seems to want to hear it. They just avoid me. Can't say I blame them, but even one goddamned person caring and willing to stick with me through this would help. I feel isolated, uncared for, lonely, depressed, etc.

I took a three-day drug holiday and it helped. I'm now going thru the meds one-by-one to find the culprit (likely the bp meds). otoh, I'm ready to just jettison the drugs. Screw it. Physically and emotionally I'm wiped out. Frankly it's been 2 months of hell and I often find myself wondering if life like this is worth living. Christ, it's all I can do to keep food in the fridge and maintain the house. No one "gets" the amount of effort it requires...or even gives a damn. Yeah, I suppose there are solutions, but I'm too damned wiped out to even summon the energy. Fuck it.


Haven't looked at this thread in a while. Interesting to see Nero's pic up there...and that he ended up here anyway (with a younger buddy) a few weeks ago. (@ TM...black cats ADORE me and I them).

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#452747 - 11/07/13 04:09 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
peroperic2009 Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3621
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Lancer, good to see you man.
Please don't doubt about posting here, there are (real) people (like me) who care and wonder how are you doing wink

You went trough very intense and stressful period of time, it is no wonder that you need more time to recover.
Share more with us!


Pero
_________________________
My story

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#452925 - 11/08/13 01:02 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
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Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Thx for the encouragement Pero. Ended up extending the drug holiday another day before resuming today with the same intense headaches and goddamned diarrhea within a couple hours.

I did my research and the primary side effects for all of them were headaches, dizziness and diarrhea. Fucking enuf already. I've decided this (obviously) is a more quality of life issue and I'm immediately dumping five of the meds except the Prevachol (cholesterol med). Screw it. At least I've successfully kept the regimen for the HIV meds thru all this.

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#452946 - 11/08/13 03:06 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
traveler Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3516
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: Lancer
I even debated posting because, in the real world, no one seems to want to hear it. They just avoid me. Can't say I blame them, but even one goddamned person caring and willing to stick with me through this would help. I feel isolated, uncared for, lonely, depressed, etc.


Lancer - i come to this Health forum ONLY to see how you are doing.
please keep posting!
LEE
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#453266 - 11/11/13 06:36 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
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Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Doing a bit better all around having quit all but the Prevachol. Meanwhile, dizziness and severe headaches have subsided, and no more days and days of the trots. Actually got back outdoors, too.

I may try resuming one of the beta blockers (bp med) in a few days, but I'm skeptical.

@Lee...perhaps appropriately, like The Doctor's quote.

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#453274 - 11/11/13 09:25 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 759
Loc: Southeast USA
Lancer,
It's been a while since I checked in. I'm so sorry you've had a rough time lately. All the same, I'm hoping you're turning the corner after a grueling few months. Take it easy, but by all means get out and about when you can. You have a lot of guys on here in your corner.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#456499 - 12/09/13 11:19 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Haven't posted to this thread in about a month. Only doing the cholesterol and BP med. Headaches, though not gone, have subsided substantially. Screw whether or not it's "good" for me. As I shared with another member, if I'm feeling lousy or worse All The Time, what's the point?

And no problem with remaining textbook consistent on the HIV meds.

Probably for another thread and debated posting this at the time, but fwiw, after 20 years ramped down my antidepressant last month as well. (Caveat, this is my experience and not an endorsement). What I've noticed is it's not as hard to get my ass in gear to do things. I just do them. About the way I felt with Prozac 20 years ago. Natch, I'm watching for the depression - particularly considering what I've posted in the past 3 months - but I'm also watching for signs of hyperactivity, too. Neither. Simply, after a month, things get done:

Had plenty of shoots the past week and really had to take 24 hours off to recharge for a client's product shoot and advert. The change I noticed was that I'd normally have procrastinated for a few days at least and lied to the client about the reasons. Well, today I simply got off my ass and did it as promised. I won't say it's huge, but it's a significant change in behavior for me.

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#456514 - 12/10/13 08:44 AM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3516
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Lancer -

sounds like good progress to me.

glad you are doing better.

but you left out the cat report!

LEE
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#456540 - 12/10/13 05:27 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Kats doing well, Lee, though I still have moments when I pine like crazy for Ricky. These guys have nevertheless helped me a lot.

Not only are they bringing in lizards for Daddy, Nero even deposited one for me under the sheets. As they've only been around here a couple months, we're still getting to know each other and I have to remain patient. However, limited tummy rubs are okay, limited cradling is okay. They know I'll stop when THEY'RE done accepting the affection. Charlie now drools. Nero now kneads me relentlessly (apparently I'm HIS property).

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#456541 - 12/10/13 05:42 PM Re: I just had a heart attack 48 hrs. ago [Re: Lancer]
concerned_husky Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 606
smile smile smile

Glad to hear you're doing better now Lancer.
_________________________
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My Story

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