I love a survivor.., she is my wife and she is wonderful. We have had 24 years of wedded struggle, bliss, comfort and contention. Lately, it has been better because I am healing. My wife's sexual abuse became manifest while in the early days of my recovery. While she has yet to turn and face the abuse as I have, she is coping the best she can and I adore her for doing her best.
There were times, weeks and even months PookieMarie, where I felt rejected, destroyed because of our fear and the way we felt a relationship should be, I was needy when she needed space, she was alone when I felt I needed work, education or anything else besides her, it was a dark time in our lives. What we learned was that both of us needed to become individuals, assertive, healthy, compassionate, intelligent. We needed to make decisons and live with or adjust to the consequences. We needed to forgive ourselves and others. In short we needed to become comfortable with ourselves and how we interact with each other.
We becomes "you and I", we are smarter, faster, stronger and better. Each of us became more present in our relationship and we realized the bond we had was incredibly strong and precious to us, we were able to move forward in our relationship when we were more aware of who we are and what we want.
I hope this helps PookieMarie, I know you are hurting now, but as you have in the past so too you will be in the future, independent, assertive, aware and compassionate. The boundaries give more power to be able to reach out. I know this path you are on will give you the answers and the comfort you seek, please be patient.
We are here to support you, please keep asking and find local support,