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#445775 - 08/28/13 07:11 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
atari_kid86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/23/10
Posts: 124
Loc: Michigan
1 and 2:

Portrayed selves as friends. Both were older boys who needed to feel control over something (or somebody).

3:

He was manipulative and self serving. He was a liar. Since he was disabled, he was always using pity and guilt to get his way.

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#445782 - 08/28/13 08:09 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Onesimus75 Offline


Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 158
Loc: Minnesota
Insecure. When not in a position of power, he was this shrinking, almost perpetually cringing guy (he was himself a victim of institutionalized abuse in a church organization I won't name). Whenever he got power over me, he moved instantly to get affirmation in what I suppose was the way he'd been wounded: sexual exploitation.
I still deal with what he's done, but I don't hate him for it any more. These days I just feel sad for both of us. I sometimes imagine punching his youth minister in the face for getting the cycle started.
_________________________
We are not defined by our faults, or our wounds, but by the truth within us, which nothing can take away.

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#445788 - 08/28/13 09:17 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3298
Loc: back in the USA
step-dad: ANGER
school and scouts bullies: gang macho arrogance
stranger molester: impersonal anonymity


Edited by traveler (08/28/13 09:18 PM)
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#445790 - 08/28/13 09:56 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
He was his father's son and did unto me what was done to him first. I just happened to be in the wrong neighborhood at the wrong time at the wrong age.
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#445794 - 08/28/13 10:25 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
mattheal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 142
Loc: Ohio
He paid attention to me and talked up how mature I was - at 8.
_________________________
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"

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#445801 - 08/28/13 11:16 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1467
Loc: New England
He gave me drugs and alcohol. He let me hang out with him. ME! Somebody wanted ME. That in itself was intoxicating. I was an easy target for him.
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#445804 - 08/28/13 11:50 PM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 268
Loc: PA
"Positive" attention or at least something that felt good. He gave me the attention that I was so starved for. I hated him too. I hated him because he never gave me any positive attention. It was always "Damn it Rich why..." followed by "get me beer".
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#445811 - 08/29/13 12:30 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
#2- he liked boys... at least this boy
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#445814 - 08/29/13 12:54 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
toddop Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/14/11
Posts: 213
Loc: California
Biological father - Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Gymnastics Coach - Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Both made me feel like I was special, beautiful, and cherished above all else, and both treated me worse than a piece of toilet paper that had just been used and tossed into the bowl. Back and forth between those two states all the time. And I never knew when they would shift from one to the other.
_________________________
Todd

"Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
-Albert Einstein

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#445864 - 08/29/13 11:56 AM Re: what was the one charateristic of your abuser. [Re: justanother121]
unhappycamper Online   content


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 588
Loc: VA
I only know three things about the guy who got me: (1) he smelled of booze, (2) he abused at least one other kid, and (3) he tried to kill me after beating me senseless.

Oh, and (4) I think he was wearing a plaid shirt.

John

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