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#445819 - 08/29/13 01:29 AM Happy Anniversary. Sort of.
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Since the clock on my computer says 1:36 am, that means that 33 years ago, I was preparing for a wedding. Mine.

It is the 33rd anniversary of my marriage. I know not many will read this, but each year I grieve a little feeling sorry for myself. My spouse was the only person to ever hear my story and hold me when I cried. The only person to ever show anger because someone had hurt me when I was a kid. She was my best friend and I met her when i was 21, in the fall of my senior year in college.

She was a small town girl whose parents had big aspirations for her future (marrying the local state politician's son, so I wasn't too well received. Ever. ) I was a back country boy, from a working class family. Proud but poor. Actually, my in-laws never did accept me... Their loss.

Regardless, we had a great marriage. We were inseparable. And she died on me. And I walked down the wrong lane in life after that, and found myself raped as an adult. And so I think its okay if during the day, I periodically stop and wonder what my life might look like if she had not died. I think that is fair to me. It just makes me sad, after all these years, to realize that I still miss her. The touch, the love, I miss it. She truly was my anchor to a life of abuse left behind.

Happy Anniversary to my lovely bride and may your spirit forever be in the clouds of glory. I thank you for what you gave. I miss you. I love you.


Edited by ThisMan (08/29/13 01:36 AM)
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#445824 - 08/29/13 03:40 AM Re: Happy Anniversary. Sort of. [Re: ThisMan]
mattheal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 142
Loc: Ohio
(((((ThisMan)))))
_________________________
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"

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#445830 - 08/29/13 05:07 AM Re: Happy Anniversary. Sort of. [Re: ThisMan]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1469
Loc: New England
ThisMan,

Life isn't fair. Sometimes it really sucks. There are no words which I can offer that will change that. But as you observe this anniversary, I hope that you will find some peace with God and with yourself in the midst of the pain.

Be well.

Jude
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#445839 - 08/29/13 08:03 AM Re: Happy Anniversary. Sort of. [Re: ThisMan]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
((((Bill))))


The light emitted from flashbulbs on your wedding day, photons that touched and mingled with both of your bodies, is still traveling somewhere in the universe - a beam that, however scattered, could be traced backwards to the scene of the two of you holding each other. Never destroyed, never disappearing, this that accompanied your commitment to each other will spread from its inception point throughout the infinite universe for all eternity.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#445912 - 08/29/13 11:01 PM Re: Happy Anniversary. Sort of. [Re: ThisMan]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Thanks, guys. Just having someone to respond means a great deal. Its been a good day and I take it in stride, as I do most things. I like the idea of never ending energy, you know. I use that explanation quite often to explain and understand things of the metaphysical that I can't explain. But photo images into eternity... now thats a grand thought!
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#446068 - 08/31/13 04:32 PM Re: Happy Anniversary. Sort of. [Re: ThisMan]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1087
Loc: The ATL

(((((Bill)))))

Sorry I missed this thread the other day. It was so heartbreaking to read. I wish there was something I could say that would take the hurt of all this away but of course there is not. Happy anniversary to you and your beloved departed wife. One day you will be together again. Peace,

Ken

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#446088 - 08/31/13 09:22 PM Re: Happy Anniversary. Sort of. [Re: ThisMan]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 583
I cannot relate. But reading this makes me sad. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope the good memories you had with her can still give you strength today.

(((ThisMan)))
_________________________
Husky

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