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#445538 - 08/26/13 10:57 PM Closure
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
Doing a bit better this week. In therapy. It's not easy when you realize what you have lost, and how easily the perpetrators got away with it. It's a horrible feeling.
I'm working my way out of it, and seeing a new psychologist weekly.
I think also being the victim of female on male abuse, at least as a primary abuser, and mother on son abuse on top of that, I also feel "not taken as seriously" kind of, and that makes me feel even more like "nothing". So there is a lot of rage there, but I am working on it. It's hard.
People don't realize that while yes, many people and children are sexually abused every day, in many cases their perpetrator(s) are caught and at least face some judgment. In female on male sex abuse cases, such is often not the case, the women walk off scot-free with little to no judgment and the pain is very real. In my lifetime, having any sense of justice at all given to me is a new concept, and usually I am just ignored and dismissed.
That is what's hard.

Greg


Edited by JoeSmith (10/22/13 11:48 PM)
Edit Reason: updated

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#445564 - 08/27/13 08:29 AM Re: An answer to a frequent question I hear [Re: JoeSmith]
SamV Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5934
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Greg,

PTSD and it's variations are not tied to age nor "manhood". It can be about the experience and the sensitivity of the survivor. It does not do for a survivor to compare or generalize about other's experiences as you pointed out, likening these on a sliding scale as to how they "should" react.

Why someone who survives being shocked and then goes right back to working on hot wires versus the one who sees a power line crash and live wires dancing around and removes all electricity from his life is a matter of personal choice, one's own fortitude, training and beliefs.

Those, especially here, who ask questions are searching for the reasons why they themselves act or feel a certain way, or their spouses are acting. They genuinely want the answers, trying to differentiate between experiences to gain understanding, compassion, hope and find a way to the love and closeness they had with their loved ones. These may not ask in the right way, or they may not understand any offense they might have caused, but they desperately need the answers.

I for one will continue to offer these supporters and survivors answers from my own life experiences, what worked for me and my situation as well as from the hundreds of shares I have personally read and relate to in my time here. I will try to put the abuse in it's own place, something that happened to me without being something I did of my own volition so that I can relate to the anguish and fear of other's who reach out, helping these to find the peace and safety I have found.

Thank you for sharing Greg, I hope that you too will find peace and comfort, I encourage you to continue to express your feelings in this pain until reason supports a recovery healing.

Sam
_________________________
My SENSITIVE Difference

"Lets talk about that."

Go Get A Hug: HUG>porn

*When provoked* "Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge. (Proverbs 17:27)"

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#445588 - 08/27/13 01:09 PM . [Re: SamV]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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#445594 - 08/27/13 01:50 PM Re: An answer to a frequent question I hear [Re: JoeSmith]
SamV Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5934
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Originally Posted By: JoeSmith
I still maintain that very few people, even on here, understand or care about male victims of female sexual abuse, and that we get marginalized even within these support groups.
As a card carrying member of those abused by females, let me create awareness and celebrate those in MaleSurvivor who support survivors everywhere and in our particular situation.

Isolation, rejection and destruction create such chaos and strenuous effort in our lives. What is difficult for one can be puzzling to another, unless both have been afflicted with similar symptoms of surviving. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder has many commonalities in it's symptomatology, many places for survivors to gather to find comfort within the chaos, connecting progressively with each other.

We must never confuse those who are sincerely recovering, supporting and being supported with those who would disparage.., or worse. I support your blunt expressions, there is no one here that would suppress opinions or feelings about our paths, however to express distrust or assign negativity to a comment made by the positive shares of other's along our path of healing does not promote internal healing, we ultimately hurt ourselves. Instead may I offer, find something useful to create a stable environment in recovery.

Please feel free to comment on this Greg, I look forward to the possibility that personal growth and comfort can again be manifested in a survivor's life choices.

Sam
_________________________
My SENSITIVE Difference

"Lets talk about that."

Go Get A Hug: HUG>porn

*When provoked* "Anyone holding back his sayings is possessed of knowledge. (Proverbs 17:27)"

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#445607 - 08/27/13 04:36 PM Re: An answer to a frequent question I hear [Re: JoeSmith]
txb Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 159
I don't think you will find people who will support what you posted. You read the question the wrong way, it wasn't disrespectful, it was asking, 'how come other people manage to get over it and I can't? What's so wrong with me?' You also insulted a whole lot of people by saying they shouldn't have been badly affected by what happened to them because it wasn't very serious. That's not the first time I saw you say that. I don't know how you can say that then say everyone deserves equal support no matter what has happened to them.

What do you want exactly? All I see you post is how much the boards suck, how it's a popularity contest and no one supports you or understands you. It's a completely serious question. What do you want people to do for you? When you insult this place and the people in it then it makes it hard for people to want to give you support. And why are you so offended by posts about cats? I posted here about my cat being sick before, what's so wrong with that?

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#445642 - 08/27/13 10:12 PM . [Re: txb]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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#445739 - 08/28/13 02:59 PM Re: An answer to a frequent question I hear [Re: JoeSmith]
somerandomguy Offline


Registered: 03/05/10
Posts: 10
Loc: USA
Greg,

I hear you. I don't think the world in general, no to mention individuals in particular, cares about or even want to hear about people like us. I think they are content to blame us, to call us unmanly, to let our wounds fester - and then blame us again when we explode from pain, shame, and frustration.

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#445765 - 08/28/13 05:57 PM . [Re: somerandomguy]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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#445807 - 08/28/13 11:57 PM Re: An answer to a frequent question I hear [Re: JoeSmith]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 271
Loc: NY
What's so difficult to do is to get over the numbness. While expressing oneself and feeling the pain can help, what really, truly helps is empathy.

Yeah, we don't get that. It's like we have to pull up to it sideways and try to smile to get even a little bit, cause it's just too weird or whatever.

Greg: Maybe it's not that important after all that's been said, but my answer to the question of who gets the worst PTSD is that it's probably true that when there is support, it's not so bad. (That's my answer, I'm not expecting it to be anyone else's).

What has probably been so fearful all these years is facing the truth that support may be difficult to come by when it comes to this particular truth. That is itself a fear sitting on top of all the others.

And sometimes, fear seems like the very thing we won't ever get empathy for. As men, we are not supposed to be afraid. We're not supposed to be afraid in all kinds of situations, least of which is one when we are be faced with a sexually aroused female. And yet that is what I beginning to understand that I felt most of all, maybe before I could even remember feeling it.

Be heard, be real and be constant. That's my goal.

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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#445817 - 08/29/13 01:11 AM . [Re: focusedbody]
JoeSmith Offline


Registered: 05/03/13
Posts: 129
.

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