Newest Members
ShinTensei, jaklumen, Bennett, 0128, jeremywickers
12505 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Drea (31), gpdno (47), serb guy (49), Thomas8221 (60), UncleClover (43)
Who's Online
3 registered (rolex, 2 invisible), 8 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12505 Members
74 Forums
64194 Topics
447978 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#445419 - 08/25/13 01:52 PM The past, its real. (rant)
Poorsoft Offline


Registered: 02/20/13
Posts: 163
Each day I grow a little more weary as I rexamine the past. It's exhausting, a friend of mine said 'theres no benefit to dwell on the past' and this pretty much seems to be the bog standard response for a lot of people. Whilst it is true, worrying and threating over the past does not assist you in that moment, but in the long term; grieving is essential to recovery.

I take breaks, I wax on and wax off. I may spend weeks down in the dumps, with all manners of thoughts through my mind, whilst still presenting a positive face to the world, then I get better,I become a little more proactive, I dont seem to wallow in this period. I rarely think of times past and procrasinate in whatever means I see fit. This lasts for any ammount of time, a few hours to a few weeks. I dont control these cycles, they come and go; like the wind I simply let it carry me and eventually it will calm down and always does. And each subsequent time this happens, I grow a little stronger, wiser and more weary.

I turn to the friend again, who said theres no point dwelling on the past and I told him the past was real, it happened. If I dont dwell on something thats forcing its way into my concious thought; then surely I will just be burying again, kinda like filling a huge baloon with water and tying it to the bottom of the sea floor. Eventually the rope will snap and the baloon will come crashing out, so what good is it to wait for that to happen, surely its better to float on the surface, occasialy going in and out; but doing it in a load thats managable.

I cannot ignore the past any longer, its real, it happened. I cannot agree with anyone who tells me dwelling solves nothing, it does. The scars remind me that my reality is real, that it is not a fabrication, the happiness I feel today is made from yesterday, as is the pain; so why would I ever forget what made me who I am?

I realise the conversation topic for non-survivors and survivors alike can be uncomfortable, but ignorance has never helped; just hindered.

The past is real. It happened.

Top
#445420 - 08/25/13 02:16 PM Re: The past, its real. (rant) [Re: Poorsoft]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 289
Loc: PA
Poorsoft,

I had a friend who said the same thing about the past. I think it was his way of NOT dealing with some of his own tough issues. He used to look at me and want to say move on, but never quite said it. I actually hate that statement now. If I didn't spend time dealing with the past I would never understand how it has shaped me now and would never be able to recover, get healthy or whatever you want to call it.

I guess there is the possibility that we could wallow in the past and not learn from it or be able to get past it, but with pasts like ours why would we want to do that? I find that with each new thing I discover I gain one more piece of a puzzle that allows me to understand more about who I am today and takes the power away from how the abuse has affected me.

Originally Posted By: Poorsoft

The scars remind me that my reality is real, that it is not a fabrication, the happiness I feel today is made from yesterday, as is the pain; so why would I ever forget what made me who I am?


Well said. I think you got it just right.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.