I sit here watching you run and play and laugh
I never really thought i'd be sitting here seeing you
How you've grown and come to be happy in life
How you protect two younger ones at your side running after you

My dark hair has followed you
As did my eye color of the sharpest of ice blue
So did my olive toned skin
But your smartness is all your own and unique

I sit here pondering the has beens and what ifs
I look up to three gorgeous boys laughing and hollering Daddy
I never thought i could ever see their faces again
Time passes but the memories still the same

Still trudging forward out of the depths of hell
Still fighting forward past all the cruelty and pain
Still wielding the protective barriers i set into place
Still running and still hiding away from Hell as i known it

Their faces light up with glow and laughter
Two younger ones chasing their oldest protecting brother
Giggling and jumping and toddling about the swings and slides
Is this real or just another memory set forth by my mind?

I look to the others with me trying to smile at each one
A younger brother saved from the future tortures he'd endure
A cousin beloved and wise as he is protector to my younger brother
A twin my very own coming to terms with knowing each of us are together now

I look to my other side and meet the glances of my other kinsmen
An older brother and our ultimate protector
My love hand to hand with me and laying his head on my shoulder
My other older brother and my oldest brother's lover

We might not be blood but we're a family
My blood to my right
My forged family i was granted by the stars in my darkest of times
This is my family unit so far right now

Each one of us carries our scars outward
Each one with visible signs of the torture we endured
Each one ashamed of the marks but owning them for what they are
Each with brandings and tattoos from cruel inhuman beasts that put them there on us

I sit and watch our past coming together with the future
Darkness behind us we try hard to move towards more light
Stuck in limbo honestly not knowing if its truly safe to move forward
I tend to look behind me towards past despite the encouraging of my kin

fighting the urges to cut and to burn and to harm
each of us battling our demons constantly
Forging a union of protection for our families
we look on forward protecting my children from any harm

I sometimes think its the memory of my children that keep me wondering
It's true isn't it they are surely bigger and i hear the laughter
I last seen them as babies right? this isn't my false memory
I hear crying, scraped knee, i run over there to pick him up

I kiss his tears away and kiss the scrape
My son won't ever know the pain or fear i lived
We all make sure he's fine before sitting back down under the tree
"Don't look behind you anymore, move forward wild one"

We all are in between hell and heaven really
between the bonds of cruelty and the freedoms that await us
We all hear the chains and whips still
Some being in our memories while at times its very present

I've come here before from time to time to sit and ponder
Can I make it out and regain what was lost?
Can we all make it out and into the light?
Do they realize what we're sacrificing to keep them safe?
Will they be able to just live normally unlike what we had to live in?

I look to the sky which is the bluest of blue
I am trying to smile as i feel the cool breeze on my skin
surrounded by my love and family
i sit at my cross roads to content to move forward just yet

I sit among my brethren in the now and the what is
I walk hand to hand with them and our demons past the what was and is
I am not the leader here among my family we are all the leaders
I am among the hear and the now and what was and will be
_________________________
I don't want to look back;I just want to start again;Somebody save me--- Pop Evil: Broken and Betrayed

I want justice I want you overthrown;I want courage I want to stand alone;I want your arrogance and I want your pain;I want your everything and I want you dead--- Rev Theory: Justice