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#445315 - 08/24/13 04:53 AM 28 International Rules of Manhood
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1478
Loc: New England
28 International Rules Of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) After wrecking your boss' car.
(c) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have slept with her. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a supermodel, and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to drive.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to maintain an erection. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" sleep together, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. -
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#445357 - 08/24/13 03:14 PM Re: 28 International Rules of Manhood [Re: Jude]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5941
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Quote:
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
Been there, done that.
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#445447 - 08/25/13 08:04 PM Re: 28 International Rules of Manhood [Re: Jude]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3018
Loc: O Kanada
very good stuff.
my wife and i had a good laugh over this.

i am sorry to say i am guilty of 95%.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#445524 - 08/26/13 06:41 PM Re: 28 International Rules of Manhood [Re: Jude]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Rofl number 27

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#445722 - 08/28/13 01:18 PM Re: 28 International Rules of Manhood [Re: Jude]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 315
Loc: Iowa, USA
I break rule #14 on a daily basis.

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#445743 - 08/28/13 04:14 PM Re: 28 International Rules of Manhood [Re: Jude]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 690
Loc: Southeast USA
Ha!

In my own experience:

2) Watching Toy Story 2 or 3, hearing 'Puff the Magic Dragon', reading 'Old Yeller.'
8) The weakest bladder still yields the most influence; to pee or not to pee (in the car).
13) Didn't have a choice.
14) Oh hell, I was a high school swimmer---and still swim.
22) Learn the law of urinal selection. When space allows, use it, don't fence me in.

Will



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Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
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