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#444801 - 08/20/13 02:52 PM What is the value of the loss of a childhood?
GoHomeAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/10
Posts: 111
Loc: Pennsylvania
How does one go about placing a monetary value on the loss of a childhood? How do you determine financial compensation for years of confusion, depression, not living up to your potential - having the life you deserved robbed from you? How do I calculate the figures for what I believe I am owed by the institution who was responsible for my childhood sexual abuse? What seems realistic to me would not be realistic to lawyers. I'm at a loss. How do you accurately compensate someone for ruining their life? I work hard at healing, but this journey will always leave me with a "limp." How do I account for this? How do you answer the question "when will you be healed?" without sarcasm? I know they don't get it - but how do I come up with a figure that I feel is appropriate without being laughed out of the room?
_________________________
Humble Alumnus of WoR Dahlonega 2011.

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#444805 - 08/20/13 03:53 PM Re: What is the value of the loss of a childhood? [Re: GoHomeAgain]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1478
Loc: New England
I would suggest that you ask for whatever you feel will allow you to live the rest of your life in some degree of comfort, and to hell with them. If you have legal representation, they can't laugh you out of anywhere.

You might also ask for a written apology, to be printed in your local newspaper......PRICELESS.

Jude
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#444816 - 08/20/13 05:16 PM Re: What is the value of the loss of a childhood? [Re: GoHomeAgain]
GoHomeAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/10
Posts: 111
Loc: Pennsylvania
Thanks, Jude, but I doubt the written apology would ever happen. Great idea, though.
_________________________
Humble Alumnus of WoR Dahlonega 2011.

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#445012 - 08/21/13 09:37 PM Re: What is the value of the loss of a childhood? [Re: GoHomeAgain]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1090
Loc: The ATL

Hi GoHomeAgain. I would have to say that you can't put a price on it but good luck getting some kind of compensation if that is a possibility for you. It always does my heart good to hear of a CSA survivor getting some kind of compensation for the abuse they suffered, even if no amount of money could ever truly compensate for what happened.

Originally Posted By: GoHomeAgain
I work hard at healing, but this journey will always leave me with a "limp."


You know, I've used that same analogy on the board before. In a way, the events of my childhood did to my sexuality what a car crash that leaves someone with a permanent limp does to their body. The person who was in the car crash can have physical therapy to make the limp a little better and can adapt and adjust to the limp and try to live the best life they can in spite of it but the limp will always be there and will affect the way they walk until the day they die. They will always be physical broken to a degree, just like I will always be sexually and emotionally broken to a degree. (A pretty high degree.)

Anyway, I think you may be the only other person I've seen use a "limp" analogy and it struck a chord with me so I felt I had to point it out.

Originally Posted By: GoHomeAgain
How do you answer the question "when will you be healed?" without sarcasm?


Never. Never answer that question or any question like it without using extreme, abrasive, dismissive, cutting sarcasm. Questions like that are the reason sarcasm exists.

Good luck with your case. I hope you will let us know what happens. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#445084 - 08/22/13 09:53 AM Re: What is the value of the loss of a childhood? [Re: GoHomeAgain]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1554
Very good question. The value can only be estimated by you--you deserve to be physically comfortable and that value can be calculated. The emotional value is hard--because no amount of money can compensate you for the loss of your life, the effects CSA had on you. I hope you are able to get some validation by the institution for the damage done. For some, validation is simply acknowledgement that the survivor was hurt, for others monetary compensation is the validation. Only you can determine. Unfortunately for many of us, monetary compensation is not available due to law and statute of limitations. For me, having told the parish and diocese and their acknowledgment, though not direct, of offering assistance for my healing is my validation. The money is always nice but it would not add to my healing.

I wish you the best and I know you will decide what level of compensation is right for you. Remember you may ask and not receive--have a safety net just in case.

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#445087 - 08/22/13 10:12 AM Re: What is the value of the loss of a childhood? [Re: GoHomeAgain]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 270
Loc: PA
Some of us have a hard time even being able to work to make a living because we spend so much time trying to recover or can't work many jobs because of all the psychological effects of the abuse. You could probably put some numbers on that. Give yourself time, space and money to recover if you can. Having to work this last year has been hell. I'm at work right now and what am I doing. I'm reading posts, replying to posts, and posting my own stuff. I hate that I feel like I don't have the time to heal.

Good luck and I too wish you the best.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#445140 - 08/22/13 05:01 PM Re: What is the value of the loss of a childhood? [Re: GoHomeAgain]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
There is a reason Charles Foster Kane's final words in Citizen Kane were "Rosebud." We can't replace what was taken from us with money but recovery can make us happier, more fulfilled individuals. To that end financial assistance from perps and/or those who would protect them is justifiable both as a punitive measure and as a deterrent to future enabling of child rape. Just as Rich1967 struggles to find the time for his own recovery, something he is certainly not alone in, many of us lack the resources necessary to gain professional help. Furthermore, institutions (apparently) require additional incentives to prevent and punish child rape instead of covering it up.

That being said...I'd say about $100,000 per year for the remainder of your life should cover it : P
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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