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#445082 - 08/22/13 09:03 AM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Farmer Boy]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1284
Originally Posted By: Farmer Boy
I was standing there talking and this big old tabby named 'Tiger' sits at my feet and just looks up at me. The next thing I know he jumps from the floor in one leap and lands on my right shoulder. smile (I am 6'2") Sacred the begebas out of me!!! My wife's dad shaking his head saying that he (the cat) doesn't like strangers. I instantly had the stamp of approval.

I agree Ricky would not want you to be lonely.

Lee

Our gray tabby/tiger does something similar with me. When I am eating at the table, he jumps onto the chair back and perches on my shoulder. I feed him little scraps and he chews right next to my face - it's sort of trippy, actually. Sacred begebas, indeed.

I love the fact that we are all sitting on a billowy cloud of shared memories, courtesy of a wonderful little cat named Ricky.
_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#445089 - 08/22/13 10:37 AM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Thank you Lee. And thanks for the supportive words. (I happen to agree with your father in law's perspective). Your story that perfectly illustrates my surprise at the experience. Like she felt she was meant to make herself at home on my lap. Presumptuous kitty. I like it. Where she's concerned, it's all but settled...and I actually have something to look forward to.

A little sleep helped when I finally got there, btw.

One thing that came to me was something a little different from what some others who have lost their furball might do. Some swear never to have another one because of the pain of the loss. My determination has been to again have a family. I've been swearing - albeit second-guessing myself - never to let myself be limited to a single cat again. In hindsight, yeah, I probably could have introduced a laid-back female to Ricky seven years ago when the others were lost and he might have been happier with a fellow feline conspirator. Quite selfishly, I wouldn't be going through this kind of pain without a feline comforter on my comforter.

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#445165 - 08/22/13 08:58 PM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1092
Loc: The ATL

Hi Lancer. Just wanted you to know that I just got caught up on your thread. I hope today was a little better and that things are getting easier. I also want to say that there is nothing wrong with getting a new kitty right away and I don't think you'd be dishonoring Ricky's memory in any way by doing that. Although, if you need some time, that's ok too. My brother adopted the cats that live with us only about a month after my two cats passed away but he asked me first if I was ok with it. I said was ok with it, and I was, but if it had been within a week of my Chelsea and my Amber passing away I'm not sure I would have been ready. Just take your time and bring that new companion into your life when the moment feels right. There is no time that is to soon and there is no grieving period that is to long. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#445189 - 08/22/13 11:37 PM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
I just PM'd a couple of you guys, but might as well post.

From experience I knew to take care of some basics on upsetting reminders right away (putting many of his things, not all, away for now), the cremation, wood urn (arrived today). Grieving is "fine" - I'm in it 24/7 - but I don't have to torture myself.

Shelters have been my grounding, if only to be around meows and head butts, despite the smell in the common rooms (no cages). A cali at one shelter and a Ricky lookalike at another did the same thing, immediately settling into my lap with nary a second thought. At one shelter, a group of three, identical to Ricky's family as they were ten years ago, decided the bench was only for the four of us and settled right in to positions on/against me (hell yes, it was a clear message, I believe, from my previous furballs).

I'm in no shape to make a decision (nor do I have to) right now. My minimum is a pair. Nice to know I'm being presented options.

Frankly, too, I'm glad to be otherwise distracted by work.

But goddammit it's quiet around here...

Thanks again for your support guys. I'm feeling wrung out.


Addendum (several hours later): I feel like crap. Muscles and everything ache. Circles under the eyes. And, strangely, one of those times I'm grateful for the tools some of us get in our 12-step programs. In particular, the HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). Personally, I've found if I'm fighting any two of 'em, I just need to stop. Period. So I did. Cancelled my appointments for Friday. Screw it. My little one just died and I need time for me.

Despite the success of the new meds, I have to consider the HIV, too. When I've felt like this in the past and not paid attention, I've gotten sick. Not willing to risk that.

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#445278 - 08/23/13 06:29 PM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Just to share...because it's cathartic.

Stuck to my guns. Took the day off, clients be damned. Didn't answer the phone. Got a full eight hours. Three of my friends are checking in regularly and I return their calls, but they understand I don't want to be around people right now. Nice they give me the space.

I'm certainly depressed. More so today than any time in the past ten. I'm surprised the flavor of the depression is quite different from what I've ever experienced. I function. Just not well. However, I'm not in a paralyzing hole either. Have awful cries once or twice a day. Lest anyone think I have it together, hell no I don't.

Despite the heat/humidity the yard needed to be done. Did the whole damn thing, mowing, trimming, sweeping, sweating and all. Ricky's bench is outside my office window under a large potted plumaria I've had forever. Last spring I further potted a couple large prunings from it and placed them at the front door. Had a great idea while I was out sweating and moved the pots to Ricky's favorite sun spot in the mulch by the back door...and wore the gloves I'd used to recover his little body last week. Fitting memorial.

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#445338 - 08/24/13 11:52 AM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3320
Loc: back in the USA
{{{{{{{Lancer}}}}}}}

lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#445364 - 08/24/13 05:02 PM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Thank you Lee.

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#445380 - 08/24/13 10:21 PM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
...me too, Lancer..... wish I knew what to say......
(((((Lancer)))))

bill
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#445393 - 08/25/13 12:59 AM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Thx again Bill. From what you posted earlier in the thread, you in particular might be interested to know today was relatively benign emotionally...at least more so than any time in the past ten days.

I know how this goes. I'll still have some bad days ahead, but some good ones, too. And others, I guess like today, that are neither. Suppose it helps I've been really dedicated to getting my rest/sleep the past 48. I haven't been to my pair of shelters in a couple days. I considered they might be upsetting me, but they're quite the opposite. They're engaging my mind to the possibilities: a pair? a trio? a quad? siblings? Interesting to me it's distilled down to personalities instead of fur patterns. Yeah, substance. Except I have to admit my preference for the tabs and black kitties...familiarity and personality.

Where you guys have especially helped me, aside from propping me up all week, is the reinforcing that special non-human wisdom/influence that cats have and the thot of what Ricky and the others would want for their cat daddy.

I'm making slow moves in the direction of the next family. I've always kept the combs, brushes, toys, etc. of my Rainbow Bridge guys bagged and carefully stored, the new ones getting new stuff. Made a move in that direction in the past 24 by ordering a new wooden handle comb and brush...and the requisite puff balls. A new kitty placemat is probably next. But that's all I'm doing now.

I'm thinking I might move forward further after Labor Day (U.S) when I've got Ricky's ashes back. But, as usual, I'll see how I feel.

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#445438 - 08/25/13 06:09 PM ! [Re: Lancer]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 09:29 PM)

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