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#444997 - 08/21/13 07:03 PM Rant
MissesMe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/21/12
Posts: 8
Loc: USA
I haven't been on here for almost 3 months. Been thinking about my childhood, and all that's happened. Trying to make some type of sense of it all. I've felt every emotion thru it, from the most intense anger to , almost some happiness. I've tried to look for that sob, but haven't found him yet. Don't really know if I can confront him in person, but will thru the net.I want him to know what the hell he did to me, and what I've been thru, and what I will always be going thru, for the rest of my life. I don't just feel anger, I "Hate" him, and all he represents. My "mother", the one that berated me from 12-till I left for the service, I have no love for. My father, who chose my brother over me, nothing there either. Neither are alive anymore. I would like for them to be just for a few minutes, so I could yell at both of my alcoholic "parent's" what all the good it did to make me feel like an unwanted child. All of my so-called-family, doesn't even acknowlege my existance. It hurts so deeply inside. Sometimes so overwhelming. My father/mother/brother/bullies in school/sob in my neighbor hood, makes for a shitty life since 5 years old, and not 1 of them could stop and see what was happening, nor did they care. I came so close to taking my own life at 16, but didn't. I don't know what stopped me other than thinking that it can't be so bad, that I have to die to get any love from some one. Yes, I suffer from depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I'm almost getting to the point of cutting everyone out of my life that I meant nothing to. I hate the way I feel, and it's most of the time. I totally dislike having to put on this happy face around people, so they can't see the real me. I'm still terrified they'll find out, and not like me anymore.

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#445007 - 08/21/13 09:15 PM Re: Rant [Re: MissesMe]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 407
Loc: Louisiana, USA
As much as I am so sorry for all you went through and still go through, I am glad that you can come here and rant. This is a hug (((missesme))) and only means that I care about you. You are so worth more than all those people led you to believe. I don't know your thoughts on God, but I believe in Him and I believe that He made you to be a wonderful masterpiece of His workmanship. You are you know, a Masterpiece. What others led you to believe is a lie. It's hard for guys like you and me to believe that, but it's the truth. I am sorry for your pain.

Jim
_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#445041 - 08/21/13 11:46 PM Re: Rant [Re: MissesMe]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3211
Loc: back in the USA
Good rant, MM!

it may take a while for you to release all the toxic stuff you have bottled up inside. continue to let it out. make space for something newer and better. we are here to listen and lean on.

lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#445117 - 08/22/13 02:50 PM Re: Rant [Re: MissesMe]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 2974
Loc: O Kanada
i am happy you chose to let it out here in a safe place.

welcome to ms.org

with time, you may find some good advice here.
maybe some consolation and companionship.

people here can take what you are giving.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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