Newest Members
JayNL, Robert Barrett, lostsoul824, beatcook, MassGuy
12279 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cainrafael (28), GL (67), JohnP725 (66), Lloydy (61), Marie-TwoOfUs (35)
Who's Online
1 registered (AlexT), 26 Guests and 6 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12279 Members
73 Forums
63185 Topics
441813 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#444763 - 08/20/13 05:46 AM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Oh, y'know TM, it comes and goes. I was cried out earlier. But haven't been able to sleep tonite. Eventually I'll doze off.

I've pulled out a few of Ricky's things - brush, comb - I'd put away earlier because those are the best reminders for me right now. Just enough not to be overwhelming and I keep 'em in the bed with me.

On the positive side, if a new (adult) family is in the cards later rather than sooner, I think I'd be good as a foster cat daddy in the meantime for one of the furballs recovering from surgery, or a mommy cat who needs a safe place for her litter for a few weeks. I guess I need them as much as they need me.

Oh dammit. Gonna cry again...

Top
#444778 - 08/20/13 10:22 AM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1478
Loc: New England
We all need something/someone to hold on to for however many years we are given. You have served Ricky well. Be well Lancer.
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

Top
#444871 - 08/20/13 10:17 PM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Did the no-kill shelter tour (well, two of 'em) today just to get my dose of adult feline. At least two Ricky lookalikes immediately glommed on to me. Felt good to touch that same fur again...though more talkative personalities. Another decided I was filthy and needed a serious wash. And there's a cali and her brother; he's colored similarly to two of my earlier charges. I was particularly surprised, however, at another calico who wouldn't leave me alone, stared directly into my eyes, made herself at home on my legs/lap nomatterwhat - unusual for her, I was told - and trailed me.

I told both shelters I didn't know I was quite ready and proposed the foster idea, except they didn't currently have any post-surgical or maternity candidates.

What I've learned over 26 years of cat ownership is that kitty karma isn't something necessarily subject to analysis. Definitely a case of letting the chips fall where they may. I'm neither on a schedule or in a rush. A lot of choices and I'm not quite up for a decision except to say, at a minimum, it's a pair.

I'll have good and bad days yet, but today was a better day.

Top
#444881 - 08/20/13 10:54 PM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
Dave PNW Offline


Registered: 04/03/13
Posts: 111
Loc: Pacific Northwest
Lancer, I am so sorry for the loss of your companion. I can really hear how important he was in your life. Take care ((((Lancer))))

Top
#444887 - 08/20/13 11:43 PM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Thanks dw. We were crucial for each other. I vowed to lay on him all the love I had for his other two family members (his sister Lucy - go figure - and best buddy/guardian, Buddy).

I still expect to see him on the front step, or his butt just outside the kitty door. Dunno that I want/can or even need to let go of that yet...and it's now exactly a week.



And that's one reason why, inviting as the others are - especially the calicos - I feel I need some time. I guess the issue for some is feeling as though I'd be dishonoring his memory by getting more kritters. My well-developed kitty sense, however, is that, like my other guys who were my anchors and saw me thru so much, he'd rather see his species pick up the job now that he's completed his.

...and the tears are starting again. Gotta stop now.

Top
#444891 - 08/21/13 12:29 AM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio

Hi Lancer,

I'm so sorry about your loss, it's heartbreaking hearing you tell of Ricky's death and the longing you feel for his gentle presence in your home. You've been through this before, you know what's involved in healing, it mostly requires time and a lot of emotion.

As you navigate these sad times, know and feel you have the compassion of many who understand your grief for your remarkable companion. Go easy and gently these days and know that you're thought of at this difficult time.

Gary / 1.healing
_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

Top
#444893 - 08/21/13 12:37 AM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Guess I'm in a mood to write.

Back to my upbringing and how all this kitty stuff relates to my ongoing recovery. As a young teen, I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused. Unfortunately, I'd take it out on my lab, Cindy, by kicking her. Hell, what kid in a situation like the knows NOT to act out? And I've never gotten over my guilt for that.

When I say these feline friends have been my anchor, I mean that when I get angry, I consciously know NOT to take it out on them IN ANY WAY and it forces me to calm down. In fact, the relationships force me to be gentle when I'd rather be railing against whateveritis. Perhaps it's my way to make it up to Cindy.

When I've been depressed (long term clinical depression) one thing that's often gotten me off my butt is knowing these guys are absolutely dependent on me for their needs and for consistency. It's a form of parenting I can actually handle. They don't get the cognitive stuff. However, they completely understand the emotional stuff with a kind of empathy foreign to humans.


Just occurred to me I need to note on Ricky. For one, when I lost his other two (AND Adam), I'd cry in his fur...and this is the first time I haven't had that. For another, the thing I miss most at bedtime - the hardest time for me - is that he used my face as his pillow. It would start off innocuously enough, lying on my chest, purring away. Then he'd just flop sideways, burying my nose and mouth in his fur - so what if I couldn't breathe - and he'd drift off to have his kitty dreams, happy claws digging into my right arm; I have the scars to prove it. If I was on my side, he'd have to settle for spooning, but stretched out full length. Man, I miss that.

Top
#444919 - 08/21/13 10:00 AM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1283
Now I'm crying. Only through the power of the internet could Ricky bring tears around the world like this. By the way, love the new prospective kitties smile .
_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

Top
#445061 - 08/22/13 02:09 AM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Lancer]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
I don't like this. I don't like feeling this way. I don't like sharing it. Not that it's unexpected, but I need to put it out there in the MS ether:

I'm feeling incredibly lonely tonite for my Ricky...hell, for all my guys. I'm feeling emotionally and physically drained from the past week. Every part of me literally aches.

Hell, there should be a furball (or two or three) peacefully luxuriating on my bed tonite while I watch a movie...or perhaps, with great fanfare, bringing in a hunting prize for my approval (anything from a seagrape leaf to a lizard).

Did a trip back to the shelter today just for some grounding and connection with the comforting, familiar world of meows and head butts. If nothing else, a good reference for me to scope out those kritters who have well-developed empathy. And there's at least one shelter kitty I've had in mind since she took to me 48 hours ago by settling in my lap or being my shadow.

As I've pondered it tonite, yeah, some furball with me might help at the moment - but hell, it's not my Ricky. Dammit.

Top
#445070 - 08/22/13 07:04 AM Re: Kitty Saved My Life [Re: Chase Eric]
Farmer Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/23/12
Posts: 442
Loc: Australia
Originally Posted By: Chase Eric
Now I'm
Only through the power of the internet could Ricky bring tears around the world like this.


Even in the land downunder....

(((Lancer)))

Lost my cat 4 years ago after 10 years together.... Mr Jackson.

Your story of that special feline at the shelter who sat on your lap and followed you reminded me of something I just had to share.

My now father in law is a MASSIVE cat lover. Like they are above his daughters in the family hierarchy. The day I was introduced to the family I was standing there talking and this big old tabby named 'Tiger' sits at my feet and just looks up at me. The next thing I know he jumps from the floor in one leap and lands on my right shoulder. smile (I am 6'2") Sacred the begebas out of me!!! My wife's dad shaking his head saying that he (the cat) doesn't like strangers. I instantly had the stamp of approval.

I agree Ricky would not want you to be lonely.

Lee
_________________________
More than meets the eye!

Top
Page 2 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.