This is a night for multiple bad memories. Had two appts today- one was the therapist. Therapy is at the point were each session the last two weeks or so have been painful to sit through. Really hard.
And the second was with the surgeon. I have postponed the inevitable since April for obvious reasons some of you know. Surgery is scheduled in two weeks. I so fear not the surgery, but being out of control, unconscious, just existing for however long it takes. And not only that, but buck-ass naked with my privates exposed so that anyone with a whim to see or whatever can do just that. I don't want anyone around me while I am unconscious or coming to. But in order to have surgery, you have to have the surgeon and the medical staff... what's a guy to do? Just please, I don't want to be hurt again. It's irrational drama, but it happens, it happened. That person is out of my life but the fear residue can't be washed away. And its new as of today so the past is running through my mind. Just all that confusion and hurt. Its a rant and 've done a really good job of keeping it contained, but it is a big shadow of fear until I rationalize it out. thanks for listening guys.
Edited by ThisMan (08/20/13 10:48 PM)
For now we see through a glass, darkly.