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#444702 - 08/19/13 04:30 PM The world is dangerous: must protect myself
lfp Offline


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 121
Anyone has this feeling?

At this point of recovery I feel like I need to protect (and retreat) myself from the world due to all the dangers that are out there.

That is: I need to protect myself not only from people that can potentially hurt me but from other stuff such as diseases and so on.

This usually comes with paranoia, hypochondria, you think that things will fail and that you need to have control over everything. You want to know how are things cooked, need to know that they made sure to put enough oil in the airplane for the flight - in general: TRUST NOBODY.

And I find that I need to unwind a little, but I don't know how.

Thoughts.
_________________________
Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. ~Josh Billings.
The Round Table, Mondays 7:30pm CST.

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#444711 - 08/19/13 06:26 PM Re: The world is dangerous: must protect myself [Re: lfp]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 336
Loc: Iowa, USA
lfp,

I can certainly relate to your situation. I, too, at times feel exceptionally vulnerable to danger, and so I respond by withdrawing. I know that as a CSA victim, it was important to develop survival and coping strategies, just to make it through the day. This is in response to actual danger, perceived danger, and the memories of the abuse. In addition, because we were at the mercy of the abusers and had no control over the events which happened to us, we respond by trying to exert control over our environment and our lives.

I don't mean to be disrespectful, but the dangers are there and we must be alert. Thus categorizing it as paranoia and hypochondria is being unfair to ourselves. I need to say that just yesterday, in a shopping mall restroom, I was being cruised by a guy looking for sex of some sort. It was totally unexpected and it did represent danger for my safety and my recovery. ( I did not partake) I was shaken afterwards and it was a reminder that no matter where I go, I'm not completely safe.

A strategy I have found effective, is to focus less on potential dangers, and focus on what my response to different circumstances will be. It helps with self confidence and allows me to control what is under my power - my actions and reactions. I have found a degree of success with this approach. Good luck to you. I wish you well in your healing.

DavO

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#444728 - 08/19/13 09:47 PM Re: The world is dangerous: must protect myself [Re: lfp]
Lonely Ha Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 7
Hi Ifp

I AM like you. The problem of mistrust has always been with me. I do have paranoia. I know it even if some of my therapists do not consider it so. I always expect the worse form others, so I simply cannot trust them.

Regarding hypochondria, I donít think I have it much, but I do complain and especially when I have a simple medical problem, I stat to believe it will become bigger and bigger, such as a cancer, so I start to panic for nothing!

Regarding paranoia, I always feel that people will know my thoughts and secrets and will always wait for my smallest mistake to start ridiculing me. These feelings have created a sense of perfectionism in me, which made me always think I can do everything literally correct and accurate. In therapy, I have learnt that this is impossible, and that life does not always go smoothly with everything made perfect. There are always hindrances, ups and downs. Indeed, people have noticed this about me. The other day my brother-in-law was convincing me of getting married saying that I just have to try it at least (he thought I was afraid of women), and in that debate he mentioned that life is not always perfect. I wondered how he knew about my feelings, a perfectionist!

I have had few incidents accusing people of ridiculing me or something. Indeed, I believe that everyone is conspiring against me! Maybe I donít call this feeling fear from people although it might sure is.

Being pessimistic means we always expect the worse, from people and from other things. As you said, dangers can be from everything: diseases, car accidents, shocks, ... I have always thought the worst will happen, especially to people I love (family and friends).

Believing that we live in a forest, and that children can ALWAYS be victims of CSA, I feel I cannot be a good person for a father figure. But this problem is too much. I need to be convinced that I can have children but how?

Maybe I am not exactly in the same boat as you are, but I felt that I need to write something in this thread.

Thank you for listening




Edited by Lonely Ha (08/19/13 09:48 PM)

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#444730 - 08/19/13 09:57 PM Re: The world is dangerous: must protect myself [Re: lfp]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:53 PM)

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#444784 - 08/20/13 10:57 AM Re: The world is dangerous: must protect myself [Re: lfp]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3518
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Yes and no...

I have always known that the world is a dangerous place.

But I have also felt like there was little to nothing I could DO about it.

So I have always alternated between two tactics:

1. Total withdrawal and isolation - refusing to connect with others and having as little interaction as possible - a self-imposed QUARANTINE

2. Going through the motions and trying to appear normal while involved in regular school, work, and social activities - but with NO emotional involvement - like wearing protective ARMOR

As I push forward in dealing with everything, I find that I don't need those tactics as much - but they are hard habits to break. It is all too easy to revert to them as defaults. And then the progress stops - or at least slows down. It is a constant and continuous effort. Complicated by the fact that I am an introvert. But which came first - CSA or personality? I don't know.


Edited by traveler (08/20/13 10:58 AM)
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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