While I am relieved to hear nothing bad happened to you or those you care about as a result of your drinking at this wedding I understand your anxiety. The fact is drinking for you is intertwined with the abuse such that when you drink all the old fears and guilt associated with your CSA come right back up regardless of what you actually do while intoxicated. It sucks and I mean it really frickin' sucks because just as a lot of us survivors here struggle with sexual problems because that was the medium for our abuse you have an added element in the form of alcoholism. Good news. You are not alone on this one. More importantly, it sounds to me like you are still striving towards recovery both from your alcoholism and its ultimate root in sexual abuse. Relapse happens. It happens to almost everybody dealing with any sort of addiction. However, relapse can be turned into a part of your recovery by doing exactly what you have done here. You know what happened, how it happened, and are exploring why it happened. You are still connecting all the dots in your head but its a fact that as you do this more and more the picture becomes clearer and you become more capable of conquering any addiction/problem associated with your abuse.
Edited by Publius (08/18/13 06:38 PM)
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh