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#444506 - 08/16/13 04:23 PM Re: And so it starts [Re: nomorevic]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada
Vic, thanks for commenting. The more responses I read, the more comfortable this place becomes.

Keep well
_________________________
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

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#444507 - 08/16/13 04:29 PM Re: And so it starts [Re: Adam A Gedman]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada
Jude thanks for contributing.
I feel badly for implying my wife is not supportive, when the contrary is the truth. I need to stop sometimes and recognize and appreciate the many things she has and does do for my betterment.
You are right though, my wife/goddess is not my greatest hurdle, and I may have not even encounter that hurdle yet.

Keep well
_________________________
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

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#444560 - 08/17/13 03:59 PM Re: And so it starts [Re: Adam A Gedman]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1416
Adam A Gedman -

Your story is quite affecting, and I know you'll find some excellent support here. A few things pop out at me. Comparing traumas is sort of like comparing scrapes and injuries when you're twelve. It's not like one trauma is more worthy than another. They all affect us so differently. I could get stung by five bees a year for ten years and still be OK, while another person gets stung once in their life and dies. It's not the trauma but how we are wired to respond to it that is more significant, IMHO.

Also, I have found (true for me at least) that those who care the most can often be the least effective people to go to for support with this. That's why I like MS so much - having gone through CSA is such an isolating thing, and sometimes the shared experience of a stranger is more impacting and supportive than all the love of a spouse or domestic partner. People at MS invariably know more about my history and progress than even my partner, as weird as that sounds. It helps to work to understand that dynamic, because it is so counter-intuitive.
_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#444577 - 08/17/13 10:59 PM Re: And so it starts [Re: Chase Eric]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada
Eric
I appreciate your observations. Maybe I just need to hear it/read it a dozen or so times to begin to believe it.
I am trying to develop ways of communicating without judgement. It is part of my study and practice of non-violent communication. Applying this to myself however is infinitely more difficult than with others.
I am trying so hard to rebuild her trust in me, after years of angry outbursts about nothing. I don't think I could leave her out of it entirely, but a balance is something I hope can be found.
It's only been few days on here, and I am grateful beyond words to have found MS.
_________________________
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

Top
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