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#444510 - 08/16/13 06:32 PM WHAT WAS IT ABOUT ME
bluesky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/04/13
Posts: 122
WHAT WAS IT ABOUT ME

THAT THEY WANTED
TAUNTED
NEEDED
THREATENED
FRIGHTENED
SCARED
SCARRED
MARRED
BEAT IN TO MEAT
STOLE

WHAT WAS IT ABOUT ME

THAT WAS THERE
THAT I TRY TO BE
THAT I TRY TO SEE
THE INNOCENCE
PURITY
GOODNESS
JOY
HAPPINESS
CARING
UNSELFISH SELFLESSNESS

WHAT WAS IT ABOUT ME

_________________________
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
Frank Herbert

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#444788 - 08/20/13 11:27 AM Re: WHAT WAS IT ABOUT ME [Re: bluesky]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3363
Loc: somewhere in Africa
I have often asked the same questions.

One answer that is both devastating and liberating is -
NOTHING!
I was not special in any way.
I was only available and vulnerable.
it could have been anyone.
It was not because I did or didn't do anything.
just the wrong place at the wrong time.
and I did nothing to cause or contribute to what happened.

I am off the hook.
Hope you can do the same for yourself.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#444789 - 08/20/13 11:36 AM Re: WHAT WAS IT ABOUT ME [Re: bluesky]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 752
Loc: michigan
I dont suppose that there is one survivor out there that hasn't faces this question. I beat myself up even still cause things
don't just happen and it did so much.And according to the noise s" you should know better!" I am trying to remember that I couldn't and cant know all the possibilities and be ok with that but it is very hard that little boy still takes the beatings but im working on it thanks for reminding how very important that is
Jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#445062 - 08/22/13 02:17 AM Re: WHAT WAS IT ABOUT ME [Re: bluesky]
bluesky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/04/13
Posts: 122
Thanks for the encouragement and kind words.
All that you guys said was and is true and im just starting to see the truth for what it is after 36 years of gilt and shame.That I did nothing and could do nothing to stop what happened to me its a hard pill that's all.
Thanks
_________________________
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
Frank Herbert

Top
#445064 - 08/22/13 02:26 AM Re: WHAT WAS IT ABOUT ME [Re: bluesky]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 412
Loc: Canada
Dear bluesky ...

I have tried so many times now to answer you ...
but it just hurts too much.
There are just too many reasons ...
for every answer there are 2 questions.
It's too much.

I'm sorry ...
I hear what you say ...
I know how you feel.

Shawn
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#445139 - 08/22/13 04:50 PM Re: WHAT WAS IT ABOUT ME [Re: bluesky]
bluesky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/04/13
Posts: 122
Thank You Shawn for posting and sharing and lending a hand this is the way of healing that we all need.
Your words and poetry are so real that it makes me feel.
Thanks smile grin
_________________________
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
Frank Herbert

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