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#444363 - 08/15/13 01:53 AM Top Ten Therapy Jokes
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1585
Loc: New England
1. Q: How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to hold his
penis...I mean ladder...I meant to say ladder

2. Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!

3. A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"

4. What happens when a therapist and a hooker spend the night together? In the morning each of them says: "120 dollars, please."

5. I found pills for my roommate who has schizophrenia...but then I realized I was living alone.

6. Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college reunion. One of them looks like he just graduated, while the other psychologist looks old, worried and withered. The older looking one asks the other, "What's your secret? Listening to other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me." The younger looking one replies, "Who listens?"

7. If you arrive early for an appointment, you're anxious. If you arrive late for an appointment, you're anti-social. If you arrive exactly on time for an appointment, you're obsessive-compulsive.

8. A poorly trained therapist is working with a client. The client says, "I'm feeling pretty depressed" and the therapist says, "you're pretty depressed." The client says "I think I want to kill myself," and the therapist says "you feel like killing yourself." The client runs and leaps out the 3rd story window of the therapist's office. The therapist looks out and says, "aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"

9. Two behaviorists finish having sex and roll off each other. One turns to the other and says "What that as good for me as it was for you?"

10. I have C.D.O. It's like O.C.D., but the letters are in the right order.
_________________________
Can't be bothered with sorrow
And I can't be bothered with hate, no, no
I'm using up the time but feeling fine every day
That's why I'm telling you
I just want to celebrate another day of livin'
Rare Earth

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#444568 - 08/17/13 08:25 PM Re: Top Ten Therapy Jokes [Re: Jude]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5945
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
My favorites are two, seven and ten, funny stuff! Thank you.
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#444569 - 08/17/13 08:32 PM Re: Top Ten Therapy Jokes [Re: Jude]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1428
Loc: California
I put #1 on my facebook status update.

You know who really appreciates your presence in their life when they respond to a comment like that.

Right?


...right?
_________________________
If I'm acting despondent, Please ask me if I'm eating sugar. I keep forgetting sugar makes me crazy.

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#449313 - 10/05/13 11:53 PM Re: Top Ten Therapy Jokes [Re: Jude]
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 244
Loc: Southeast US
Thanks for those hilarious jokes. I finally get #10.
I'm going to have to put #1,2 & 3 as my favorites, replacing what used to be my number 1 therapist joke:

A man went to his psychiatrist, full of anxiety and tension. He said, "Doctor, my wife is deathly ill and I'm so worried I can't eat or sleep and it's just impossible to work when I'm so anxious and worried about her health. You've got to give me something to relieve all this stress and worry" The doctor prescribed a tranquilizer with a sedative and told him to take one in the morning and one in the evening.
A couple of days later the doctor saw him and asked, "How're you doing?" He said, "Just great, that prescription you gave me is really doing the job." The psychiatrist said, "That's good to hear, and how's your wife?"
The man replied, "Who cares."

CJ
_________________________
Never, never, never, never give up....Winston Churchill

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#449759 - 10/10/13 10:33 AM Re: Top Ten Therapy Jokes [Re: Jude]
Moreorless Offline


Registered: 10/07/13
Posts: 21
Loc: Pittsburgh
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one...

But that lightbulb has to want to change.
_________________________
"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." - Leonard Cohen

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#449763 - 10/10/13 12:21 PM Re: Top Ten Therapy Jokes [Re: Moreorless]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Those are very funny

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (10/10/13 12:29 PM)

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