first of all... welcome.
hope you find good help here.
wishing you well in your search.
i have isolated your questions.
How can I be straight if I like to hook up with "dudes" but get engaged to the woman I thought was finally, the love I had waited all this time for?
Do you believe there is a difference in Sex and Love????
Why didn't I take up anonymous sex with women?
i don't think i can answer those questions.
but i will try.
i have been through those things you mention.
i got past all that by not wanting to do it.
i think it has to do with reliving the event repeatedly in the mind until it spills over into behaviour.
the compulsions and impulsive actions are difficult to control.
it takes time and effort, but it can be done.
i am living proof.
sex and love are two different things but can occur simultaneously.
real love has absolutely nothing to do with sex or pleasure.
the last question, only you can answer.