Not sure if I will actually post this... but will see how it goes. It seems appropiate to start at my oldest memories and just go from there so here goes...
When I was 3,4 years old I was a pretty happy boy.
I remember my mom smiling a lot and she actually said she loved me now and then. My dad was distant but I wouldn't say he was an abuser. Sure if I disobeyed or broke something they would spank me and it would hurt and I'd cry but I didn't fear them.
When I was, I think, almost 5 years old my father started drinking more and more. It was shortly after we moved. I think he might have lost his job because I remember he was home a lot. The abuse started up. My mother stopped smiling or telling me she loved me. We never did anyting together anymore. Sometimes they'd forget to feed me.
On one such an occasion I asked my mother for food.
'Mommy I'm hungry'. She just look at me and it was as if something came over her, her look changed. She started to yell at me. I don't remember what exactly. But she grabbed me by the arm and dragged me to the kitchen. She put me over her lap and started hitting my bare bottom. Soon I was crying because it hurted so much and she never used to hit me that hard or that much and I didn't know why she was mad at me.
She sended me to my room and when dad came home he came up the stairs and into my room almost instantly. He just glared at me or something, with what i can only describe as an evil look. Atleast it scared me a lot. He grabbed me of the bed and made me lay down on the dresser with my stomach whilst my legs were dangling infront of it. My dad took a pair of socks and stuck it in my mouth. I was so confused why he did that. I thought he was going to hit me when I heard him take his belt off.. Except one minute later I felt the most excrusiating pain ever when I felt something enter me. I was to young to realise what was going on I just thought I was going to die. Right before I passed out he whispered in my ear 'don't ever whine or ask for anything little pretty slut'.
From then on every time they felt I had done something wrong my mother would make me pull my pants and underwear down and she would spank me and send me to my room. When my father came home from work or drinking with his friends he would go to my room and rpe me, followed by a beating with his belt.
If he was already home my dad would simply tell me to take my clothes off and would hit me right there. The rpes would always take place in my room though.
I have a lot of vague memories from age 5 - 10 that may or may not have involved other people. At this moment i just can't say for sure.
I do remember one incident where i was walking home and someone i vaguely remember but didn't know where from, dragged me in the bushes and made me do a blwjb on him. I wasn't sure what that was. I was only 6, maybe 7. So he taught me the basics I guess. Then he turned me on my stomach and rped me. I suppose I got home somehow and my father could tell right away what had happened to me i guess and turned bright red and started yelling at me. He dragged me up the stairs and when he was done with me I had to stay home for a week to recover. Eventually I told him about the blwjb and from then on, as punishment for the filth I had done I had to give my father a blwjb every day before I went to bed.
The 'punishments' happened more and more often, but I believed my parents when they said I needed them. That i was a bad kid. That i was HIS 'pretty little slut'. Eventually I got beaten and rped about 3 times a week.. Sometimes more.
When I was 8 my cousin who is 4 years older then me invited me to play a game where we would pretend we were married. He got to be the husband since he was oldest.
I went along with everything he said because I adored him. He was my heroe. He was always nice to me and I could always go along with him and his friends when we were visiting them.
Eventually it was time to go to bed, he said. I went along with that too and when I was lying down on my stomach and he eventually penetrated me I didn't think anything of that at all except 'hey, it doesn't hurt as much as when my dad does it'. After my cousin finished he said I had to do something to now. Ofcourse I couldn't get an erection and as he said, it's the task of the wife to give her husband a blwjb anyway. So this is what we did for a couple of months.
We went to visit there frequently. Sometimes I was dropped of there so they could babysit me as well.
Sometimes my cousin would come over to our house.
They would even physically discipline each others kids.
I remember one particularly bad beating I got by my uncle. He said I had stolen a cookie and even though I hadn't he wouldnt believe me. He said I was a thief and a liar. He ended up hanging me upside down from the ceiling of what i can only describe as his little abuse and torture room.
Then he started beating me with a whip from top to toe with the exception of my hands neck and face. Then he dropped me on the ground and left me there untill my father came to collect me. More physical abuse and rpings as punishment continued for atleast a week or so when we got home. It was in the summerholiday so it didn't matter I couldn't go anywhere for weeks.
I think it was fall when my uncle found out about what my cousin had been doing to me. He found us in the tent in my cousins room whilst my cousin was on top of me, moving in and out. All hell broke lose. He seperated us and stuffed us in seperate rooms. When my dad arrived my uncle dragged my cousing in the room as well and they made us hit each other. I don't think I did a very good job, considering i didn't want to hit him and I was in pain I really couldn't do it 'well' anyways. My uncle ended up ripping the stick from my hands and started beating his son with it. Then they took turns rping us. I never spended time with my cousin again after that.
He started doing drugs and alcohol not long after. I think he left the house when he was 17.
Edited by ModTeam (08/08/13 03:57 AM)
Edit Reason: added trigger warning
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2