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#435259 - 05/20/13 02:34 PM Sexuality of young teens triggers me *triggers*
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
** Possible triggers**
Just the idea of young teens (12-13ish), thinking about sex, and girls and boobs triggers me. It gives me shame and anxiety in that maybe what happened between me and my brother when I was 13 (he was 16 1/2) wasn't abuse. Maybe it was pure expirementation. I don't remember much whether I felt coerced or threatened. I do remember enjoying some of it but what else happened. Why do I not remember much more if it wasn't abusive or traumatic.
_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#435261 - 05/20/13 03:00 PM Re: Sexuality of young teens triggers me *triggers* [Re: onlyakid]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 246
Loc: Germany
Hey onlyakid!

I think each of us has a different story and explanation, but my own understanding from my own experience, is that as an adult, one can look back and fully grasp what was going on. Many of us only feel the affects (or acknowledge them) years after the abuse when we are older, but at the time of abuse we were sexually charged, beginning puberty and expressing our sexuality-- however it was taken advantage of by someone older and often with some form of percieved authority, wisdom, trust etc.

The idea of youth and their sexuality makes me very uncomfortable too and indeed it is a trigger to us for obvious reasons. You are reminded of that innocent, curious sexuality you experienced and now you understand either the perversity or harmfulness of how it was manipulated by someone else for their own personal benefit, leaving you with emotional and psychological scars.

Hang in there my friend!! Have you begun to look for ways to reduce the impact on triggers or how to calm your mind down upon being triggered?
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#435262 - 05/20/13 03:11 PM Re: Sexuality of young teens triggers me *triggers* [Re: onlyakid]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
If you didn't like it at the time or are suffering ill effects afterwards, it was abuse. "Normal" experimentation does exist, including between brothers, but it must always be consensual, mutual, and avoidable / end-able by vote of either involved.

Having just read your Survivor Story and some of your older posts I'd say its clear you were abused - because you yourself angrily and ruefully broke it down as such and detailed the damage, for so many years. "Maybe it wasn't so bad" is a form of self-minimization that probably all survivors of abuse and trauma go through.... trying to make it go away through intellectual reasoning. If you could reason your way past feelings, no one would be here.


Matt
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My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#435267 - 05/20/13 04:38 PM Re: Sexuality of young teens triggers me *triggers* [Re: onlyakid]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
JayBro and SoccerStar are right. Sometimes as adults survivors will look back on their abusive experience through adult eyes. Why didn't I stop it? Why did I enjoy some of it? Why couldn't I tell the difference between abuse and normal sexual experiences? Well, forgive me for being obvious, because you were only a kid! There is a big difference between the brain/mindset/experience of a 13 versus an 18 year old. I happen to think A LOT of what we see in teenagers today is a reflection of the culture they are growing up in. "Well I am starting to feel these sexual feelings but I don't really know myself or what to do with them. However, according to TV/movies/music/my peers flat billed hats, chauvinism, make-up, sexy clothing, and overtly flirtatious behavior is attractive and mature." This is normal but it is sometimes confusing when you see a 15 year old girl wearing something you just saw Beyonce in while you were gawking at her on TV : P However, Beyonce is in more control of herself and has a better understanding of why she is wearing what she wears as opposed to the 15 year old. So one can see why this could be triggering for anyone. Just remember when you were 13 it was unlikely you were in a place to consent with someone 4 years your senior and whose familial position gave him both authority over and access to you. Chances are you don't remember more because you don't want to, which tells me whatever it is you don't remember was likely abusive in nature.
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#435269 - 05/20/13 05:04 PM Re: Sexuality of young teens triggers me *triggers* [Re: onlyakid]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 03:20 PM)

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#435270 - 05/20/13 05:06 PM Re: Sexuality of young teens triggers me *triggers* [Re: onlyakid]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1510
Loc: New England
My CSA occurred in early puberty, age 13. Puberty actually started at about 11-1/2 but I had no clue what was happening to my body then. Its hard to know how much of my teenaged (and then adult) obsession with sex was a reaction to my being abused, and how much was just normal. I have six sons aged 18-30, and I have observed in them a much more casual, restrained attitude about it than I remember in myself.

I can take a very detached view about teen sex issues, so its not been triggering for me. But now and again I see a boy about 13 and wonder "Is he being abused?"

Jude
_________________________
I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink.
I sit and tell him about my weekend,
But he never betrays what he thinks.
Can you see the real me, doctor?.
The Who

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#443597 - 08/07/13 02:54 AM Re: Sexuality of young teens triggers me *triggers* [Re: onlyakid]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
I for one believe that 'horseplay' and 'experimentation' done by kids is harmful, regardless of perceived coercion. It is addictive and binding by nature...and even when the compulsion comes from within (and not without) it is still abuse.

Simply for the fact that our brains (inner and social development) are still unoformed and not capable of handling that kind of input without consequences.

Would you try to slice an unboiled egg?

This might be hard to see for people who had no childhood sexual experience.

And it might also be hard to see for those who were more brutally abused, and wish they could have learned sex in a more so-called consensual fashion. They can overlook the fact that a child's "consent" is fundamentally different than an adult's informed consent.

And the consequences are not all that different. For those who were abused brutally...the corrupter is external. For those who were self-abused, the source of corruption feels more personal and this can make its banishment and eradication complicated.


Edited by GoldStone (08/07/13 02:59 AM)

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