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#433866 - 05/07/13 09:53 AM Female underwear
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 217
Loc: Western Europe
Hi guys

gotta write this off my chest. Since one and a half year on returning from a vacation i tried on a pair of pantyhose and it became a sort of obsession. Tried all kinds of ladies underwear, even though i couldnt really understand why. I've been able to disclose this to my mother and i know i should bring it up in therapy once, but still havent found the proper moment.

I threw all the underwear away after my mother came into my house one day; i was afraid of being found out and i thought she found the bag. However, she never mentioned it - not even when i disclosed it.

The strange thing is, wearing female underwear actually makes me feel good and horny. But since i discovered the abuse, i dont know what to think of it anymore. Is this some kind of acting out, by trying to be more feminine?

I'm getting more and more convinced i'm not actually gay, i'm just lacking in trust to start a real relationship. The more i look at it, the more i see how everything is sexualized in my life. And because i'm too afraid to really open up and allow people close to me, i have to either keep all the sexual energy inside or act it out in this way.

I find women in pantyhose very attractive, but it feels that i'm a little too obsessed with it all. Aargh.. its just so frustrating not to what normal is or to decide whether something is acceptable or not.. jojo'ing is making me go crazy lol

thanks for reading and please share with me if you recognize any of it or have a similar problem/issue!

Cheers
OCN
_________________________
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

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#433890 - 05/07/13 12:33 PM Re: Female underwear [Re: OCN]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 856
Loc: washington
Hello OCN,

What is normal...??? I mean who is going to be judge, jury and executioner on all of that. I am sure if you asked Alfred Kinsey, you would quickly find that, "truth is stranger than fiction". If it were me, I wouldn't spend to much time trying to find the norms as far as dressing/cross dressing are concern. Forcing answers with stuff like this tends to drive me rather psychotic and I have found very few answers here...

In my journey, I have figured out, that I was hyper-sexualized at an early age. During that same time, I was repeatedly emasculated and feminized. I mean, that was all part of my abusers modus operandi to the point that i was so messed up that I believed I was a girl trapped in a boys body.

Ok, so wearing women's pantyhose feels great and makes us feel horny. (That is an understatement)

First of all, it is society that labeled pantyhose for women. you might also find it rather interesting that can insulate you from your clothes and thus make you warmer and dryer. I wonder how many guys in the military, know this, but are not talking. I also know that these things can help you put one heck of a spit shine on your combat boots.

To tell you the truth, I actually experimented intimately with the whole pantyhose, emasculation, feminization thing. i was so mixed up, I really didn't know if I was straight, gay or somewhere in between.

There are also guys that are a hundred percent straight, that really get aroused by wearing all sorts of female attire. I personally don't see any problem at all with it.

One of the biggest gifts in recovery was to figure out and be comfortable in the fact, that I am a strange cat. (comfortable in the skin that I am in).

I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out, who or what, I might have been. (and for all I know, I might have ended up, as the same exact person). Yes, I am androgenous. (all, I am totally good, in relating with both sides of myself).

I happen to be single at the moment, but as far as dating is concerned, I firmly believe that there is a nut for every bolt. (first I have to figure out who I am, and then I can worry about, how I relate to others).

My question, Is what is comfortable with you...??? (and even if it is slightly humiliating, do you still enjoy it.)

Here is where your journey starts and mine ends...



Dedicated Follower of Fashion (Kinks)

island
_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#433904 - 05/07/13 04:09 PM Re: Female underwear [Re: OCN]
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 217
Loc: Western Europe
hej Island

Thank you for your reply! Makes so much sense.. and i can understand what you're saying. The sexualization began early with me too, i was not yet in my puberty..

I dont know exactly what is happening, but i think it has to do with finally really trying to understand myself. And in a way i'm quite comfortable with wearing pantyhose.. So i realize you're hitting the nail on the spot when saying what is normal? Its up for me to decide what is normal for me and stick with that.

Thnx Island for your understanding!

OCN
_________________________
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

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#436165 - 05/29/13 07:46 AM Re: Female underwear [Re: OCN]
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 217
Loc: Western Europe
strange but true.. ever since i posted it, the emotional/sexual charge has lessened a lot! i wore pantyhose last week, but it didnt give the physical response it did before.. seems that sharing this, makes it less damaging to myself (somehow i feel its linked to guilt and blame)


Edited by OCN (05/29/13 07:46 AM)
_________________________
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

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#442834 - 07/31/13 10:25 PM Re: Female underwear [Re: OCN]
FORWARD Offline


Registered: 07/28/13
Posts: 4
Loc: MIchigan, USA
I am so glad you wrote about this. Thank you for sharing. Your post is what got me to become a member and start sharing. Thank you again.
I have a HUGE thing for pantyhose and nylons and women's underwear. I struggle with this obsession and or fetish everyday. I am new into T, past 6 months, and I am very confused right now. Trying to figure out whom I am as a GUY. Such a label. I feel so much energy from women underwear and pantyhose. I feel a little myself and little out of place at the sometime. I have not wore then since childhood, but it has always been a THING for me.

Am I not sure who I am now or what all this means. I am working thru this. I have told my T about this and one other person, not my wife. I am so glad to hear about this from someone else. It is very confusing and scary for now. I am feeling this that I felt as a child, the hyper-sexual feeling. Women are so beautiful in general, but so so lovely in pantyhose and underwear. Sorry I am wondering.

I am happy to say that I am glad to hear others feeling somewhat what I am feeling.

Thank You for listen. God created me, but who is me?
_________________________
GOD made me, but who is ME?

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#443288 - 08/04/13 09:14 PM Re: Female underwear [Re: OCN]
Lost Mountain Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 47
Loc: Atlanta
OCN I am happy you started this post, I to have a fondness for women’s undergarments and it goes back to when I was first abused I am sure when I was dressed as a girl. I love my wife and she is struggling to understand. Hell I do not understand it I just know it makes me feel secure somehow and why that is I have no clue, but that is for my therapist to get out of me.

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#443450 - 08/06/13 12:04 AM Re: Female underwear [Re: OCN]
FORWARD Offline


Registered: 07/28/13
Posts: 4
Loc: MIchigan, USA
I have also recently told my wife and this fetish/obsession for women panties and pantyhose. How I wear then when i was little. I am struggling, really hard to try to figure this out. My wife also has no clue what to do. She has unfortunately shun me away. I was labeled by her, and now we are in the same house, but separated. i really have the urge to wear a pair panties under my jeans to work. Is this really me at 40 years old. I am so scared and excited a little. I am scared that my marriage is gone, but that I am truly finding me.
Dealing with the feelings of abuse is not easy. i have to walk this journey to get better. I feel in one way that I am coming out, like if i was gay/bi. It is strange, but the feeling of womens underwear connects me to the little boy that lost his childhood. Strange, and confusing. I will be posting alot on this subject. I hope we all keeping writing and others join. Thank You for not labeling me and for me to feel welcomed.
_________________________
GOD made me, but who is ME?

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#443531 - 08/06/13 03:07 PM Re: Female underwear [Re: OCN]
Lost Mountain Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 47
Loc: Atlanta
hey try driving a truck cross country wearing panties and a camisole under jeans and t shirt, its scary as hell

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#443690 - 08/07/13 10:59 PM Re: Female underwear [Re: OCN]
FORWARD Offline


Registered: 07/28/13
Posts: 4
Loc: MIchigan, USA
Yes, i am finally acting on my thoughts. i am wearing a pair of panties now. I wanted to know how i would feel in them and walking around in them. in one way i am feel like crying and screaming, because i start to think i am bad or fucked up. you am i. on the other hand i am exploring my sexuality in a healthy way. my wife and i are not talking at all. she said she would go to T with me. will see. I was labeled by her as a freak, because i was listening to the neighbor has sex a few nights ago. so that is other huge thing for me. i feel that i should be lock up at times, because the pain sometimes over take and i start hurting myself, cutting, hitting myself, any pain i can feel. how can any understand this fucked up thinking that i developed as a child watching porn before middle and wearing pantyhose and panties for the whores that my dad would bring home. the same dad that molested me. i at times feel so draw towards women that i want to be a women. but i love women, maybe i just need someone to accept me for me. if that is wear panties or pantyhose and we have one fuck of night of sex back with sense of emotions that is undesirable. i am still finding me. just so lost and scared from within. it seems like compassion and empathy is hurt to come by from other. thank you for listen. i feel so safe writing here. thank you again.
_________________________
GOD made me, but who is ME?

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#444038 - 08/11/13 04:31 PM Re: Female underwear [Re: OCN]
FORWARD Offline


Registered: 07/28/13
Posts: 4
Loc: MIchigan, USA
JUST A UPDATE. I AM EXPLORING MORE AND MORE WITH ME!!!!! I ALSO HAVE CALLED SOME PEOPLE THAT WISE WITH THIS. I HAVE FEELINGS OF WHAT A WOMEN FEELS. WHAT IS LIKE TO DRESS "HOT" AND FEEL "HOT" FEEL THE SILKINESS AGAINST YOUR BODY AND THE SENSUALITY IT BRINGS. I AM REALIZING MORE AND MORE I IDOLIZE WOMEN AND EXTREMELY JEALOUSY OF WOMEN. THIS HAS COME OUT IN T. MY T THEN SUGGESTED THAT I NEED TO TALK ABOUT MORE AND EXPLORE THIS MORE WITH MAYBE PEOPLE IN THE COMMUNITY OF CROSS DRESSING OR TRANSGENDER. SO I MADE THAT CALL. I FEEL THAT AS A LITTLE BOY GROWING UP IN A HOUSE OF ABUSE AND PORN, THAT WEARING WOMEN CLOTHING-PANTIES, PANTYHOSE, CHAMIS- WAS A WAY OUT OF THAT WORLD. IT PUT ME CLOSE AS I COULD TO WOMEN WITHOUT HAVING THE CHANCE TO BE A WOMEN. BEING THAT YOUNG.
YEARS LATER AND SOME PAIN AND INTENSE THERAPY I HAVE DISCOVERED THIS FEELING HAS NOT LEFT ME. THE THOUGHTS OF WHAT IS LIKE BEING WOMEN AND THE FEELING OF WEARING CLOTHING. I AM SO ENVY OF WOMEN AND WISH I COULD BE ONE FOR AWHILE. THAT WOULD BE MY DREAM. SO DEEP DESIRES TO EXPLORE AND WHY IS THIS SO STRONG. I LOVE WOMEN AND DESIRE TO BE WITH WOMEN, BUT WATCHING MORE AND MORE TRANNY AND SHEMALE VIDS. IT IS SCARY. I AM NOT SURE ABOUT ALL THINGS. IT MEANS SOMETHING AND IT IS PART OF ME, THAT I KNOW. THE ABUSE IS THE ABUSE. IT IS NOT A PRETTY PICTURE. BUT, IS THIS A THING FROM THE ABUSE OR HAS THIS ALSO BEEN ME. I HAVE A EVERY GOOD FRIEND THAT IS A LESBIAN. WAS MARRIED WITH KID. SHE HAS TOLD ME TO JUST LET THE FEELINGS COME TO YOU AND NOT FIGHT THEM. JUST FEEL THEM AND EXPLORE THEM. IF NO HARM TO ANYONE ELSE. DON'T FIGHT THEM. THANKS AGAIN FOR LISTEN.
_________________________
GOD made me, but who is ME?

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