Well, my story starts out when I was too young for all this. Both my parents sexually abused me and my siblings in addition to their physical beatings. Ironically they were well known religious figures in our town which almost makes me wretch just writing this.

My Father used to have us bathe him to arousal and my Mother had me lie in bed with here, both naked, and she would put my hands on her genitals, breasts and between her legs.

They were sick people and not parents. Once when my sister and I had to stay home because we both had chicken pox, my mother left to do whatever, and on her return my sister ran up to her telling her how much fun we both had. Immediately my mother took my sister to the bathroom to see if I had violated her - that was her sick way of interpreting us having fun!

Later on the babysitter, a woman, also molested me. But what really smarts the most was the one guy, who was older than me, but always seemed to be on my side eventually molested me too.

Due to my parents religiosity they joined a cult and when I first expressed an interest in girls (it wasn't sexual) they panicked, called the cult leaders who in turn told them they had to get me out of school bit since it was illegal, they were able to circumvent by signing custody of me over to a Brazilian cult leader and abandoned me to Brazil.

Ironic, in a sense, because at this point, around 13 years old, imprisoned in a South American cult I was actually relieved because all the sexual abuse had ended.

This afternoon I was watching a recent episode of "Major Crimes" which was about a swim coach who was molesting his students and 1/2 way through I just broke down and cried for almost 1/2 an hour - the violation, pain, humiliation was suddenly so fresh and the tears were that little boys who was terrified to cry when it actually happened.

I have discussed this so much in therapy but never can reach that emotion, well today I did.

Now, faced with a week of work which is so,irrelevant in light of my pain it appears,really daunting.

Thanks for listening and GEEZ, when is it over?

- Ck