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#442246 - 07/26/13 03:27 PM Mirrors *TRIGGER WARNING*
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3449
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Mirrors

I step into the cubicle,
innocent and unsuspecting
and see my boyish self:
the mirrored walls reflecting,
re-reflecting, re-re-reflecting,
and so on...
I pose and posture, playing with the novelty,
a chorus line of unison regiments and ranks:
identical mes moving together
in synchronized, choreographed action and gesture,
less focused on my appearance than
upon the fascinating phenomenon,
dizzying, disorienting...

I step out of my pants,
nervous and self-conscious,
and see the clerk kneeling at my feet,
threading arms and tape around my waist,
breath hot on my skin,
hands running up between my legs,
groping, feeling, fondling, probing...
my feet rooted immovably,
mind and body paralyzed,
mirrors multiplying my image,
going on and on without end,
continuing into infinity,
burning the sight and sensation into memory,
preserved unchangeably, captured and frozen,
beneath the silvered walls of glass.

lee
26 07 - 13


Edited by traveler (07/26/13 04:39 PM)
Edit Reason: wrong word
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#442248 - 07/26/13 04:48 PM Re: Mirrors *TRIGGER WARNING* [Re: traveler]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3362
Loc: O Kanada
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#442249 - 07/26/13 04:56 PM Re: Mirrors *TRIGGER WARNING* [Re: traveler]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3449
Loc: somewhere in Africa
V-V -

yeah - it was an event - i was 15-16 yrs old.

i wasn't sure what he was doing either - though at the time it seemed shockingly familiar.

i don't know how far it went - memory fails me...

and i know you are drawn to mirror imagery - i almost put a specific warning for you on this one.

unlike you, i try to avoid mirrors. afraid what i might see.

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#442390 - 07/27/13 09:34 PM Re: Mirrors *TRIGGER WARNING* [Re: traveler]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3362
Loc: O Kanada
i just reread your poem and it is like a holographic moment in time.
the words instantly transport you into the dream state of the situation trapped in those multi reflections.
the drifting fade to memory loss is like a movie scene in clarity and is most merciful and horrifying.
like getting cozy warm as you go to sleep as you freeze to death.
quite frankly, it terrifies me.
because i remember and recognize it.
something like numb submission.
NOT CONSENT but a "just get it over with" feeling.
i try not to identify with that broken part inside me.
but there it is.

anyway, thanks for putting it out there.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#442905 - 08/01/13 01:10 PM Re: Mirrors *TRIGGER WARNING* [Re: traveler]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:35 PM)

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#442924 - 08/01/13 05:35 PM Re: Mirrors *TRIGGER WARNING* [Re: traveler]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 414
Loc: Canada
profoundly evocative traveler ...

for me ... the first 3 lines ..

and then
abruptly
my accelerating shivers froze

and fear fled myself
pivoting 360 degrees
back onto you
and your memories
of unwelcome ministrations
confusion
and my fear gave way
to yours
sympathy
and
empathy

before that ...
in a flash ...

what I first saw
in that first warm icy moment
was not in silvered walls of glass

but my own reflection
in the mirror-like shimmer
of polished crimson mahogany
all my little "me's"
reflected rereflected re-rereflecting
a little bowed
and golden haloed head
gleaming dimly in a sliver of wafting light
as the deep green velvet wall
shimmering in the reverent dim
wafting in a hushed
holy breeze
caressing
my trembling shoulder

intoning ...
confessing ...
traitorous ...
guilty rote ...

" Par ma faute ... par ma faute ... par ma tres grande faute ... "

I do not pose
my posture rigid
my quaking knees glued
to that little sharp step
hard and cruel and cold
beneath the cool soft aqua cushion
embossed ... encrusted ... mocking
"me"
with those little gold icons
staring up
with recrimination
in every tufted accusation
awaiting the deep voice
in the haze of ancient aroma
in the dark
knowing what it would say ...

" ta faute! "

above my bowed
remorseful head
glares the ebony figure
of a stern ... pained
forgiving God
my pale and stricken visage
downcast before the harsh black screen
through which I must
whisper my guilt
and shame
and disobedience

to he who's fault
it really was
when

only yesterday
in the shadowed room
behind the sacred place
when a crisp thin band of white
above a black silk sheen
was shed
revealing yet another drape of white
a swath of cloth in disarray

a flash of white
with a gold ring
and a slow and practiced thrust
into yet more black
still open
and gaping wide
delivering beneath
a glimpse of soft inviting white
shielding pink innocence
that he cupped
then slid inside
under the white
with a tender insistent touch
of feverish trembling excited lust

this time shock
this time not ...
first time ...
last time ...
this time ...

NO!

NOT HIM!

IT CAN"T BE HIM!

and then I see
little " me "
as I flee
knowing well
this can only be
another kind
of living hell
and yet ...
his spirit is free

" This is the last time this will be done to little

" me! "


mais ...
comme toujours
comme avant
avec les autres
c'etais ma faute.
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

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#443106 - 08/02/13 11:44 PM Re: Mirrors *TRIGGER WARNING* [Re: traveler]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3449
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Shy -
Please tell me that I did not trigger you to experience flashbacks of this.
If I am to blame, I am so so sorry!
I hate to think that I have caused you to suffer it again.
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top


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