I know I have a point with this post. Maybe a lot of points, but I can't summarize it so it's just called Free Association.
Let me start by saying I am overwhelmed and so grateful for the comments and posts I see here and for the few chats I have taken part in.
My therapist told me over and over I needed a good support system, and I heard him and I understood, but it was still just sort of theoretical / intellectual - know what I mean.
Then I was telling him about the effect that the song "Superman" had on me, and he said, why don't you just post it over at NOMSV, and see what anyone else thinks???
So I did. And I got some replies. So I came back again and again. And I read, and I cried, and I learned, and I posted more.
And I posted again, and I started to feel like I belonged here. I got some messages thanking me for what I had written, or just welcoming me, or just to say, "I understand. Hang in there"
Then I knew I belonged. And it hit me one afternoon, as I was composing a reply to someone, a great big A-HA!!!! moment. You have to JOIN to BELONG!
It's so simple. It is bringing tears of joy to me right now as I write this. And yet there is more, much more.
Last weekend, I was invited to go upstate, to the weekend cottage (ok, it's a trailer) with my sister's family and a half dozen of her in-laws. I wasn't going to go. But I thought about and said "Well, why the hell not ????"
And the answer came to me and it was a big old stinking LIE and it was this " I can't go upstate because I might have a good time, and I don't deserve to".
I recognized that and got to thinking about the other Lies that I was carrying around like bowling balls and some of the ones that I had destroyed already. And MAGIC, I started the "All Lies......" post and I think it did all of us some good.
BTW, thanks to all of you who are going to join me in casting away the ashes of these LIES on Sunday. I am greatly honored that you are doing that. To everyone else, I say do this. Put one Lie on a tiny scrap of paper Sunday, and flush it down the toilet. Send it on its way like the crap it is.
To be continued..........
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.