Hello Momof4, I am originally from Wisconsin, so hello neighbor. Your story of the abuse your family has suffered is sad but I am thankful you have found this healing place. For you son, perhaps his issues could be somewhat alleviated by disclosing the abuse. Many times survivors have found the beginning of recovery while in an urgent situation by disclosing the abuse and it's consequences including the issue they are currently involved in at the time.
I encourage you as a supporter to understand your role, you are not the therapist. It is important so that you are aware of your limits, so that you do not become discouraged. Please get support for yourself through a specific group such as CODA or something similar. Supporters are very important to a survivor, thank you.
Please share with us as you are comfortable, you are among those who truly know what you are going through.
My best to you and to those whom are yours,