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#443036 - 08/02/13 11:20 AM Straight but into men?
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:38 PM)

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#443085 - 08/02/13 06:42 PM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1539
Interesting article. I can see how the abuse can cause imprinting. It goes back to re-enactment victims enter into to alleviate the pain and feel somewhat in control-but always as the victim. Not for this reason alone, it is so important for victims to get help to heal so they can gain the life the deserve and leave behind the control the abuser has over us.

I also believe if people look at victims who dissociate with sex. The level of dissociation varies (and some have no recollection of the sex) and for these people emotional connection lacks but rather attempts to satisfy the pain that lurks within due to the abuse. The dissociation is automatic, defense mechanism to protect us. Sadly, for many victims dissociation becomes a maladaptive coping mechanism. I have lived it and only now in mid life and I am learning new coping mechanisms and it requires facing and accepting the abuse.


Edited by KMCINVA (08/03/13 09:44 AM)

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#443090 - 08/02/13 06:55 PM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
Lost Mountain Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 47
Loc: Atlanta
I used to be a delivery driver in the adult biz and you would be surprised how many married men in business suits were in the peep booths on their knees.

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#443158 - 08/03/13 04:02 PM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Joe Kort is a non-anonymous member here. His posts and website are helpful for the conflicted (and isolated) male with SSA.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showprofile&User=8361


Edited by GoldStone (08/04/13 05:07 AM)

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#443749 - 08/08/13 01:35 PM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
Hi Bodyguard,

Thanks for sharing this link, it has the potential to help some guys. Unfortunately many of them are uncomfortable venturing to this forum, perhaps you can find a place for it in one of the other ones too, where it will get more readership.

Go figure that a gay man, Joe Kort, who's a therapist would help other men unravel their sexual identities. I've almost always known I was gay, even before I knew the words for it, but obviously it isn't that easy for everyone. Who of us hasn't met someone confused or conflicted about their sexual identity? Nice to know there's at least a few healers out there who can help these men find the answers, more understanding and hopefully greater acceptance of themselves. Quite an accomplishment, I think!

Gary / 1.healing
_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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#444314 - 08/14/13 04:53 PM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
Lost Mountain Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 47
Loc: Atlanta
I know I sort of made fun of the fact about str8 men but truth be told I do understand it because I have the same feelings I am a married man but feel the need to be held by a another man. This actually the very first time I have admitted it. and I am scared as hell

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#444480 - 08/16/13 11:07 AM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
1.healing Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/10/10
Posts: 261
Loc: NW Ohio
Hi Lost Mountain,

I'm glad that you could tell how you want to be held by another man and that even to say it is frightening as hell! To do that takes courage and bravery. Myself I'm a gay man and was abused by on older male cousin as a kid. My issues are different than yours and yet the same in many ways. Please, know that I support you in your quest to find greater healing, acceptance and understanding of your own CSA and ASA issues. Please, keep visiting and posting, hope to see you here again.

Gary / 1.healing
_________________________
"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

George Elliot

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

Virginia Woolf

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#444603 - 08/18/13 12:42 PM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: 1.healing]
Lost Mountain Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 47
Loc: Atlanta
Thanks Healing it is a long row to hoe but has to be done!

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#445725 - 08/28/13 01:28 PM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:55 PM)

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#446631 - 09/07/13 02:55 PM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
Lost Mountain Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 47
Loc: Atlanta
Thanks Bodyguard I do love hugs, but ya see I am in a weird situation and I am not even talking about being married that is a whole nother ball of wax, the problem is I do not trust men. I think they are liars and pigs and will hurt you in a heartbeat, Present company excluded, ya know what I mean. I have learned over the years the minute I let my guard down to a man I am either getting beaten or used so I stay far away from them. Hell I do not even have any friends because of it. Kinda sucks I miss the friendship but the fear outweighs the other. there I go rambling again. laters

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#446882 - 09/11/13 02:14 AM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 391
Loc: west coast
I just wanted to say what a huge breakthrough that was to admit you want to be held by another man. Its for me what helped me distinguish imprinting and possible father hunger from what was really me.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...3509#Post363509

this is a post i could have written.
my wife went to a therapist who said the same thing. why give up your family for a fantasy. but it was so much more than that

like in this post i truly knew what i deeply suspected when a guy kissed me. Thats what i was, thats what i am.
I know what you mean about what do you with the that knowledge, its not that easy

yes men are pigs and liars, but some are amazing

this weekend, as i always do, i made dinner for my sons who invited their girlfriends. my bf and i hosted at his place, and at the last minute, my ex and her new boyfriend joined us.
we all had the best time

she asked her bf about being ok with her dysfunctional functional family. He said the way everyone was, was anything but dysfunctional.

its going to be your own journey, keep your mind open. I agree that if its imprinting, father shit, you're a broke str8 guy, you are in prison or you are not sure , do not even think about leaving your family. But if your journey leads you to the conclusion you are indeed gay, this is the only thing i disagree with about mormonism, christianity and islam. the jews had it right, we only have ONE life. its yours to live,

big hugs

you are very brave

ps there were 4 guys in my WoR group, it seems tougher on you than most, cuz your religion is not just a belief but it truly is a lifestyle, where family, church, work and community are one and the same, so even bigger hugs.

once you lose the fear of the unknown, the acceptance of the known is much easier

grant
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#447102 - 09/13/13 10:17 AM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 741
Loc: michigan
hi guys
I wish I had the words to express what is in my head, but when it comes to this topic I find only confusion. I'm not sure there is a "side" in this issue. I know what I have always wrestled with, what I have always feared,what at times drives me mad. and yet, there are no real words for what it is that I want, at least none that I can find. To be held by a guy? oh yes, To LEAVE MY FAMILY!? that is NOT an option no matter what those words might be. and yea religion is huge in this too even when I was a kid. I think I would disagree with loosing the fear of the unknown, This never seems to get any easier. And it would seem in THIS, no matter how similar we might be, we are just as different at the same time.
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#447169 - 09/14/13 08:27 AM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
Lost Mountain Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 47
Loc: Atlanta
When it comes for affection from men I am no stranger I am retired so to speak from the MC world there it was nothing to have a brother from another state hell another country come up and give you a great big hug and a straight on kiss the love between club brothers is stronger than even family at times. I stopped self-medicating and fell into a major depression which led to my retirement from the club. Now this feeling I have I am not sure where it is coming from is it from when the (man who stole my childhood) abused me. Or the other abuse I suffered and not having a father I do not know that is something I am trying to work out. It could be as simple that I just miss my brothers and the love from them. Do I have SSA yes I know I do but have not acted on it in a very long time. I have no need I have a loving wife and family and they know what I am dealing with. I am just trying to handle the emotions and posting about them because they have been stronger as of late than usual. Anywho that is where I am coming from about this topic. What is even more fun my T and doctor have diagnosed me with sexual OCD a skirt or good looking guy walks by and there I go for the next hour or so putting them into all kinds of sexual positions, so the fun goes on.

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#447187 - 09/14/13 12:51 PM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 741
Loc: michigan
hey lost ...ya know I guess this is one of the reasons I am glad that T never talks about diagnosis,and I don't ask. maybe because I still try to be pretty veiled about how much of an issue this can be I could NEVER admit those things. I only JUST told him about it period after 6 months of seeing him. And HE was only the second person I had EVER told. It has been way too much for me to deal with. As far as the acting out goes, I have always been too terrified of this whole part of me. To try to move on what I feel only seems to be a recipe for more pain. for me it seems that no matter who you talk to about the issue, it is hard not to be misunderstood and the risk was just too great. so ya the fun just keeps on going
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#447208 - 09/14/13 04:28 PM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
Lost Mountain Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 47
Loc: Atlanta
I should have said when they walk by in my mind I place them in positions, not in life I would never get anything done.

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