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#446882 - 09/11/13 02:14 AM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 408
Loc: west coast
I just wanted to say what a huge breakthrough that was to admit you want to be held by another man. Its for me what helped me distinguish imprinting and possible father hunger from what was really me.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...3509#Post363509

this is a post i could have written.
my wife went to a therapist who said the same thing. why give up your family for a fantasy. but it was so much more than that

like in this post i truly knew what i deeply suspected when a guy kissed me. Thats what i was, thats what i am.
I know what you mean about what do you with the that knowledge, its not that easy

yes men are pigs and liars, but some are amazing

this weekend, as i always do, i made dinner for my sons who invited their girlfriends. my bf and i hosted at his place, and at the last minute, my ex and her new boyfriend joined us.
we all had the best time

she asked her bf about being ok with her dysfunctional functional family. He said the way everyone was, was anything but dysfunctional.

its going to be your own journey, keep your mind open. I agree that if its imprinting, father shit, you're a broke str8 guy, you are in prison or you are not sure , do not even think about leaving your family. But if your journey leads you to the conclusion you are indeed gay, this is the only thing i disagree with about mormonism, christianity and islam. the jews had it right, we only have ONE life. its yours to live,

big hugs

you are very brave

ps there were 4 guys in my WoR group, it seems tougher on you than most, cuz your religion is not just a belief but it truly is a lifestyle, where family, church, work and community are one and the same, so even bigger hugs.

once you lose the fear of the unknown, the acceptance of the known is much easier

grant
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#447102 - 09/13/13 10:17 AM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 768
Loc: michigan
hi guys
I wish I had the words to express what is in my head, but when it comes to this topic I find only confusion. I'm not sure there is a "side" in this issue. I know what I have always wrestled with, what I have always feared,what at times drives me mad. and yet, there are no real words for what it is that I want, at least none that I can find. To be held by a guy? oh yes, To LEAVE MY FAMILY!? that is NOT an option no matter what those words might be. and yea religion is huge in this too even when I was a kid. I think I would disagree with loosing the fear of the unknown, This never seems to get any easier. And it would seem in THIS, no matter how similar we might be, we are just as different at the same time.
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#447169 - 09/14/13 08:27 AM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
Lost Mountain Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 47
Loc: Atlanta
When it comes for affection from men I am no stranger I am retired so to speak from the MC world there it was nothing to have a brother from another state hell another country come up and give you a great big hug and a straight on kiss the love between club brothers is stronger than even family at times. I stopped self-medicating and fell into a major depression which led to my retirement from the club. Now this feeling I have I am not sure where it is coming from is it from when the (man who stole my childhood) abused me. Or the other abuse I suffered and not having a father I do not know that is something I am trying to work out. It could be as simple that I just miss my brothers and the love from them. Do I have SSA yes I know I do but have not acted on it in a very long time. I have no need I have a loving wife and family and they know what I am dealing with. I am just trying to handle the emotions and posting about them because they have been stronger as of late than usual. Anywho that is where I am coming from about this topic. What is even more fun my T and doctor have diagnosed me with sexual OCD a skirt or good looking guy walks by and there I go for the next hour or so putting them into all kinds of sexual positions, so the fun goes on.

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#447187 - 09/14/13 12:51 PM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 768
Loc: michigan
hey lost ...ya know I guess this is one of the reasons I am glad that T never talks about diagnosis,and I don't ask. maybe because I still try to be pretty veiled about how much of an issue this can be I could NEVER admit those things. I only JUST told him about it period after 6 months of seeing him. And HE was only the second person I had EVER told. It has been way too much for me to deal with. As far as the acting out goes, I have always been too terrified of this whole part of me. To try to move on what I feel only seems to be a recipe for more pain. for me it seems that no matter who you talk to about the issue, it is hard not to be misunderstood and the risk was just too great. so ya the fun just keeps on going
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#447208 - 09/14/13 04:28 PM Re: Straight but into men? [Re: bodyguard8367]
Lost Mountain Offline


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 47
Loc: Atlanta
I should have said when they walk by in my mind I place them in positions, not in life I would never get anything done.

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