Newest Members
rhyoung, Jefferson22, OxfordArms, Anony_mous, Drew6991x
12367 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
rpalm06 (46)
Who's Online
0 registered (), 7 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12367 Members
74 Forums
63556 Topics
444033 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#442888 - 08/01/13 10:48 AM A mother of a Marine needs some advice
momof4 Offline


Registered: 07/30/13
Posts: 3
Loc: Minnesota
Two weeks ago, my son was caught smoking spice and is now in the brig. His dad and I are heart broken. He had such a promising future. We truly felt that the USMC would help him with self esteem, confidence, etc. It worked for a year, until he got to his PDS. I knew he was lonely, and bored after work. I encouraged him to get a moon-lighting job, told him to join the bowling league....yada, yada.... He has had issues in the past with making impetuous decisions....not thinking before acting, etc. that have gotten him in trouble. Now he's really in trouble. We heard from him yesterday and they are sending him to "the block" for two weeks for peeling a strip of paint off the wall. He's panicked and scared. The punishment clearly doesn't fit the "crime". This will do nothing for him and I'm deeply concerned. My son clearly has not put his childhood trauma behind him (non-combative PTSD from childhood sexual abuse from a teenaged neighbor). He needs further counseling, and also possibly drug treatment. In the beginning we encouraged him to fight for his USMC career, but now we're not so sure. I have contacted his former GnySgt but haven't heard from him yet. Can anyone help me? He's gotta get on the fast track for separation. I have heard that it can take 6 months to a year. They let you stew and make you feel like shit. This young man doesn't need anyone making him feel lower than he already does. That's how suicides happen.... Thanks for any help. A Loving Marine Mom
_________________________
A wife and mother trying to find answers.

I asked God for all the things that I might enjoy life. He gave me life that I might enjoy all things.

Top
#442926 - 08/01/13 05:57 PM Re: A mother of a Marine needs some advice [Re: momof4]
freeze-on Offline


Registered: 08/08/09
Posts: 72
Loc: southeast
My heart goes out to you as a parent. i also had a son go thru usmc, with tours in iraq/afghan......and am appreciative of all who contribute to the armed forces.

I am also a veteran of the gulf war in '90 in the usaf.

As hard as it was I was in the middle of an assignment in north dakota when i started dealing with my abuse issues....and the usaf didnt care how much pressure was placed on you....they were oblivious to what was going on and it was a nightmare to an extent...the stress pushed me to the point of having to deal with my stuff and though alone and isolated wasthe norm for me it was also a healing place....but i did have some resources to read and placed i could put the shame off of myself,etc,etc dealing with it in periods of time
...i am saying it is possible to deal and survive in those situations.......it doesnt have to mean edge of suicide....every day sometimes seems like that for a while for the victim, but it dont mean that the victim of csa is going to DO it....


I worried every single day when my son was in iraq and afghan., though my son isnot a csa victim he still had his baggage to deal with while deployed, just as i did when i was deployed....the harshness of those situations your son is in now does not necessarily have to mean a bad outcome, it could also be something that helps him regardless of of the appearance to a parent ..the mom, who brought him into this world and prolly feels guilt etc for your sons csa. that guilt does not belong on you.it belongs in the pits of hell where the shame/guilt feelings come from and caused this havoc in a life of someone you love.

I hated god for not protecting me as csa...i hated god for letting my son get arrested such that he basically "had to go into the usmc" to stay out of a 5 year jail sentence...i had done all i could do as a parent to protect him from csa, but couldnt protect him from everything.

it wasnt until i gave my son back to god and reached my breaking point of "god if you kill him in iraq or kill him in afghanistan" i still have to go on with my life....though i would fall apart if that were to happen, i could not let it rule me every single day.............it was also part of the process of letting go of an extension of me....i felt all my sons concerns,etc, as if they were my own and could not separate his life from mine until i reached that point. and then i prayed to this god i hated, for protection for my son and knew that regardless of all that might happen to him, God is still God....and i have to go on with this thing called life.....for myself and for others who depend on me and need me.

Please take care of yourself;
i have to keep in mind that is was just my body that gave life to this son of mine whom i love with a dads heart , which i know is different perhaps from the love of a mom...; i was born with that ability to pass on life, not create it.It was God who CREATED life in the beginningm starting the life giving process... and knows the needs of ourselves and our children completely and wants the best for them...hold on one day a t a time...


your boy knows you care for him and that is what he will recall when times seem to be the best...he knows you love him and this very fact can sustain him, and him he knows that a higher power is there he can call out to it for sustenance.......know he is not alone.


I apologize for the long note ...it may not have been what you were looking for, but it is something my heart needed to respond to. take care of yourself! its not your fault.......I know you want what is best for your son......hang in there.

Top
#442927 - 08/01/13 05:58 PM Re: A mother of a Marine needs some advice [Re: momof4]
freeze-on Offline


Registered: 08/08/09
Posts: 72
Loc: southeast
My heart goes out to you as a parent. i also had a son go thru usmc, with tours in iraq/afghan......and am appreciative of all who contribute to the armed forces.

I am also a veteran of the gulf war in '90 in the usaf.

As hard as it was I was in the middle of an assignment in north dakota when i started dealing with my abuse issues....and the usaf didnt care how much pressure was placed on you....they were oblivious to what was going on and it was a nightmare to an extent...the stress pushed me to the point of having to deal with my stuff and though alone and isolated wasthe norm for me it was also a healing place....but i did have some resources to read and placed i could put the shame off of myself,etc,etc dealing with it in periods of time
...i am saying it is possible to deal and survive in those situations.......it doesnt have to mean edge of suicide....every day sometimes seems like that for a while for the victim, but it dont mean that the victim of csa is going to DO it....


I worried every single day when my son was in iraq and afghan., though my son isnot a csa victim he still had his baggage to deal with while deployed, just as i did when i was deployed....the harshness of those situations your son is in now does not necessarily have to mean a bad outcome, it could also be something that helps him regardless of of the appearance to a parent ..the mom, who brought him into this world and prolly feels guilt etc for your sons csa. that guilt does not belong on you.it belongs in the pits of hell where the shame/guilt feelings come from and caused this havoc in a life of someone you love.

I hated god for not protecting me as csa...i hated god for letting my son get arrested such that he basically "had to go into the usmc" to stay out of a 5 year jail sentence...i had done all i could do as a parent to protect him from csa, but couldnt protect him from everything.

it wasnt until i gave my son back to god and reached my breaking point of "god if you kill him in iraq or kill him in afghanistan" i still have to go on with my life....though i would fall apart if that were to happen, i could not let it rule me every single day.............it was also part of the process of letting go of an extension of me....i felt all my sons concerns,etc, as if they were my own and could not separate his life from mine until i reached that point. and then i prayed to this god i hated, for protection for my son and knew that regardless of all that might happen to him, God is still God....and i have to go on with this thing called life.....for myself and for others who depend on me and need me.

Please take care of yourself;
i have to keep in mind that is was just my body that gave life to this son of mine whom i love with a dads heart , which i know is different perhaps from the love of a mom...; i was born with that ability to pass on life, not create it.It was God who CREATED life in the beginning; starting the life giving process... and knows the needs of ourselves and our children completely and wants the best for them...hold on one day a t a time...


your boy knows you care for him and that is what he will recall when times seem to be the hardest...he knows you love him and this very fact can sustain him, and he knows that a higher power is there he can call out to it for sustenance.......know he is not alone.


I apologize for the long note ...it may not have been what you were looking for, but it is something my heart needed to respond to. take care of yourself! its not your fault.......I know you want what is best for your son......hang in there.


Edited by grinning (08/01/13 06:02 PM)

Top
#443037 - 08/02/13 11:32 AM Re: A mother of a Marine needs some advice [Re: momof4]
momof4 Offline


Registered: 07/30/13
Posts: 3
Loc: Minnesota
Good morning Grinning,

First of all thank you for the long post. I am humbled that someone who doesn't know me, would write such compassion and understanding.

Your comment about your son being an extension of you and you carry his pain like it was your own. I can totally relate....

Michael is currently in a 10X10 cell as of yesterday. he's been in an open brig atmosphere for about 1 1/2 weeks. He was watching tv the other day and started peeling paint pieces off the wall. Why? I haven't a clue. I can only say that when he's bored he is very spontaneous and will do things without thinking. His punishment for "destruction of gov't property" is two weeks confined to a cell without any interaction. He only get a bible, a bed and a toilet. he eats alone. he's basically in solitary confinement for peeling paint. I'm former military so I understand military punishment, but this is ridiculous. I have a message into his Command. We'll see if they call back. He called me yesterday, scared and very upset. he called to say goodbye for two weeks. We exchanged I love yous... I tried to help him stay positive and not to succumb to the disrespect and anger the other inmates are showing to the brig staff. Michael is disgusted and angry about that. He has never been disrespectful. I told him to exercise, read the New Testament and sleep. I wish they would give him a note pad to write but they won't. he likes to write poetry and he's very good at it.

Again, I thank you for taking the time to respond. My heart is aching so much! I just want to hold my boy, kiss his beautiful face, look him in the eyes and tell him mommy will always love him and he's worth the fight. He's such a fine young man! I want to take his filthy abuser and pull his ears out. I can't imagine what Michael would be like if that hadn't happened to him. I can only pray that God will make him whole again....

With prayers and gratitude,
C-
_________________________
A wife and mother trying to find answers.

I asked God for all the things that I might enjoy life. He gave me life that I might enjoy all things.

Top
#444471 - 08/16/13 06:24 AM Re: A mother of a Marine needs some advice [Re: momof4]
johnb11 Offline


Registered: 01/15/13
Posts: 10
Loc: Europe
The army must have accepted Michael as fit for service and that may allow for dealing with individual difficulties as they arise but its clearly not happening here and they are failing in their duty.

The punishment for that childlike act is outrageous, abusive, cruel and unjust and out of all proportion to what your son absent mindedly did. and ultimately undermines morale, not just for him. What might have been proportionate would have been to give a paint brush and have him repair the damage and counselling offered.

I have read elsewhere here that there is compassionate support within the military for those abused in service ( recent posts ) and previous issues dealt with too. I dont know how it works but I really hope that you can impress upon command your concerns by any means possible . Maybe you know about this, but there seems to be helpline at http://www.militaryonesource.mil/# . You said he had counselling before, can you get support from there, someone who knows his issues ?

Even tho' Michaels abuse didnt happen in the service, in the drop down counselling options on that site, there is a dedicated sexual assault helpline. Perhaps it can be done anonymously for basic advice on how to proceed.

Michael can become even more than the man he could have been without the abuse. Our anger can empower us beyond anger. These wounds make us special and tenderize our hearts.
_________________________
To my brothers here, and to remind me:
I am NOT alone.
I was NOT responsible
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=...e=1&theater

Top
#444570 - 08/17/13 09:24 PM Re: A mother of a Marine needs some advice [Re: momof4]
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
I served in the US Army in the 1970s . The few times that I dealt with the USMC I observed that It seemed to be extra harsh on its own troops . They tend to " drive a tack with a Sledge hammer" I feel that the punishment is excessive. For the crime.
_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.