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#442749 - 07/31/13 10:54 AM Call me Neo
csasurvivor1992 Offline


Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
Some days, some moments, I feel like Neo. I see the world as it is, as it could be, as it should be. And I think why not? I possess a unique set of skills where I can affect change. So what's stopping me? Me.

I put my hand up, and I stop the bullets, but then I think, "is it okay that I stopped the bullets?" Second guessing, questioning, knowing full well that my belief and conclusion system is flawed because it lacks the one thing you need to stop bullets... confidence.

My confidence was taken, stripped, robbed from me. My belief in myself, my self worth, taken away before I even understood the concept. It's not that I can't... I have proven that I absolutely can, and I can well! It's that I don't believe I can. The kind of guy who can't sit quietly and enjoy life. The kind of guy who needs medals, diplomas, and tokens of success to prove to myself that I can.

Bullcrap. I don't need those things. I can, and that's good enough.

Somewhat ironically, I was named after my abuser... and I am the Second, or "II" And what is it I do in life? Second guess everything. Question everything. "is it okay to get up? to eat? to brush my teeth?" Even a spec of bird dust sets of a reaction so catastrophic, I have to deep breathe for 30 minutes just to think about being balanced again.

I am not the second. I am the first. I choose my initials as my identifier in life. I think changing my name would be lying about who I am and where I came from, but I am me. I am the first and I am done questioning me. I am done second guessing my way through recovery and reanalyzing the past. There is only today, now, this moment and this moment I choose to be like Neo.

"No." I choose not to die. I choose life.

Goodbye II.
_________________________
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

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#442755 - 07/31/13 11:45 AM Re: Call me Neo [Re: csasurvivor1992]
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
Powerful post
_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

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#442758 - 07/31/13 12:13 PM Re: Call me Neo [Re: csasurvivor1992]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:29 PM)

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#442868 - 08/01/13 07:28 AM Re: Call me Neo [Re: csasurvivor1992]
Jacob S Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/01/13
Posts: 608
Loc: one foot out the door
i know you're out there

i can feel you now

I know that you're afraid

you're afraid of us

you're afraid of change

i don't know the future

i didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end

I came to tell you how it's going to begin

I'm going to hang up this phone

and then i'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see

I'm going to show them the world

a world without rules or controls without borders or boundaries

a world where anything's possible . . .

_________________________
"These days I just try to keep to myself,
well aware I've lost touch with everyone else.
I understand that I'm fading away."

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#442880 - 08/01/13 08:58 AM Re: Call me Neo [Re: csasurvivor1992]
csasurvivor1992 Offline


Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
wow. love it.
_________________________
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

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#442896 - 08/01/13 12:46 PM Re: Call me Neo [Re: csasurvivor1992]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:32 PM)

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#442897 - 08/01/13 12:47 PM Re: Call me Neo [Re: csasurvivor1992]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:32 PM)

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