I'm sorry you are having a rough time, and while I am a very broken man, I can share what I have experienced in the past, which may be entirely different.
I have always loved my wife, always. The thing is, I also have lived with a lot of self hatred, and for me this means checking out. Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is, I have been indifferent in the past. I carry a mountain of guilt on my shoulders, and most of it belongs to someone else, but the indifference and downright meanness I have shown the only person who I can say has ever loved me with with complete certainty, is guilt that I own completely.
I can only say that CSA becomes a prison cell, and what I have come to understand is that the after affects are so similar that I sometimes feel that someone could know more about me than I do simply by reading a book on the subject. We are institutionalized much like inmates, and something has to really drive us to escape. It sucks.
But then at some point, he will escape. He will face the things he has pushed away, and he will hurt. But he will also realize how bad it has truly been. Ripping the stitches off of scarred wounds is painful.
I wish, truly wish, I could go back. But as much as I have put her through, my patient and amazing wife has stuck by me. I know I could not be that strong. I don't have the answers, it all sucks and I wish I could take all the pain away. He is hurting, you are hurting. I wish I could say when he will realize. There are those who escaped much quicker than I did (CH) and others who took a lot more time. I have always loved my wife, but at some point I could not express it. I hope that day comes for you.
All my best,
It's okay to find the faith to saunter forward
With no fear of shadows spreading where you stand
And you'll breathe easier just knowing
that the worst is all behind you
And the waves that tossed the raft all night
have set you on dry land
- The Mountain Goats - "Never Quite Free"