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#44273 - 02/05/06 12:26 AM is it ok to fire my therapist?
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
we just dont agree on anything it seems ,she tries to tell me how i should feel about things that happened to me but wont listen if i tell her thats not how i feel ,example ,she says that being kept in the closet was the worst thing he did to me ,and that is what is causing me problems now ,that being isolated for long periods of time has made me with draw into myself.ok sounds kind reasonable i guess ,but when i tell her that the closet was my safe place and that i wanted to be there ,she says impossible i'm just in denial? does it make sense that when i was locked in there i knew at least for a while that he wouldn't be sexualy abusing me or beating me ? and if he kept me there for 3 or 4 days that was 3 or 4 days without abuse,i could at least stop bleeding in that time ,i would watch the crack of light under the door for his feet praying that door wouldn't open ,but it always did.and the light was so bright i couldn't see him reaching for me , sorry doc but i never wanted out of that closet ,it aint the problem .i think i'm gonna get a new t. do you think she is right? thanks shadow

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#44274 - 02/05/06 12:29 AM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
You have every right to fire her. It's YOUR recovery, and if she isn't helping you, then find someone who is! It is YOUR feelings that should be worked with, not HER feelings about what she THINKS you SHOULD be feeling.

As an aside, is she a survivor herself?


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#44275 - 02/05/06 12:47 AM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
no she is not

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#44276 - 02/05/06 01:03 AM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
Andrew Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/25/03
Posts: 1192
Of course you can fire her Shadow. Don't give up on therapists, you'll find a good one. Peace, Andrew

_________________________
there is no courage without anxiety

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#44277 - 02/05/06 03:55 AM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
johnsurvived Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/20/05
Posts: 332
Loc: Arlington, Virginia
Shadow,

She doesn't exactly sound like the brightest bulb in the pack. Start shopping for her replacement. Therapeutic 'styles' differ from T to T, but no therapist should be trying to tell you how to feel, or that you're "in denial." That's abusive, and you shouldn't have to suffer more than you already have, and certainly not from your T of all people in the world.

John

_________________________
Take for us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards; for our vines have tender grapes. Song of Solomon 2:15

But let justice roll down as waters, and righteousness as a mighty stream. Amos 5:24

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#44278 - 02/05/06 04:02 AM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
Yes, you have every right to fire a therapist. I just started with a new therapist, I'm not sure if I like the way he's taking our sessions, so my defenses are up and I'll be firing him if I feel it isn't working out.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#44279 - 02/05/06 04:13 AM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
OKIE MIKE Offline
Member

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 982
Loc: HULBERT OK
Ofcourse it is allright to fire Your "t" because id they are not doing you any bood what is the point . There job is to listen to You and try and help . If they wont do that what is the piont of waisting your time .

_________________________
MICHAEL

"I HAD NO SHOES THEN I SAW A MAN THAT HAD NO FEET"

"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

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#44280 - 02/05/06 05:10 AM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3391
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Hi Shadow,

I know we talked about this a bit last night - but I (after remembering what was said last night and reading what you wrote here) would most definately try to find a difrent therapist

What you wrote about feeling safer in the closet makes 110% perfect sense to me - I would gladly trade the abuse for isolation any day of the week - I had safe places too - I used to go hide under the bed - or wrap myself up tightly in the sheets - and I even used to hide in the huge toy bin that was in my closet

remember from last night... - your feelings are YOUR feelings - don't let anyone tell you what to feel

Take good care of you,

TJ jeff

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#44281 - 02/05/06 12:41 PM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Adam,

she is telling you what to think.
She should be exploring your feelings, not invalidating them.

The closet would have felt safe, she should never deny that to you.

I dont know how long you have been seeing her, maybe you give her more time, but it is up to you to fire her if she continues on the same path,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#44282 - 02/05/06 12:42 PM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
duplicated post

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#44283 - 02/05/06 02:22 PM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Adam, You know how you felt in your closet...you and only you. Therapists are people just like everyone else. It is important to find a good match...one that you trust. Trust is so important because you are sharing so much of yourself with this person. Only you can decide when that trust is there, but you'll know. There is nothing wrong with changing t's. The right one makes all the difference. Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#44284 - 02/05/06 05:46 PM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Adam, I saw red flags when you mentioned, weeks ago now, that your T was insisting that forgiveness was necessary in order for you to heal.

To my understanding, insistance upon one exact approach to recovery is a red flag to me. I don't get the impression that she's helping you anymore, but at least she helped you open up and talk about it at first.

http://www.forgottenvictims.org/hs_therapist.php


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#44285 - 02/06/06 01:52 AM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida
SHadow:

First of all, welcome! I agree with the others that there is nothing wrong with firing your T. I have always felt that if I didn't change in 6 months or if I felt uncomfortable with a T that it was my recovery and I have every right to find another T.

A good T will never tell you how you should feel! A good T will accept you where you are and then gently guide you to recovery by self-discovery. SD

_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

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#44286 - 02/06/06 02:39 AM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
thanks guys i think i need to look for another t

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#44287 - 02/06/06 03:08 AM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
dan_in_newengland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/01
Posts: 162
Loc: Mass
you do, FIRE HER

dan


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#44288 - 02/06/06 05:11 AM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
Kurt Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/29/03
Posts: 42
Loc: New England
Hi, Adam:

You are certainly under no obligation to continue seeing this person...

In the words of that groovy old Brady Bunch tune-

"When it's time to change
You've got to re-arrange..." : )

Best of luck to you with your search for a therapist who will be a good fit.

_________________________
Kurt

================
"Looking good, Billy Ray!"
"Feeling good, Lewis!"

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#44289 - 02/06/06 04:00 PM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
You should check out this article A Consumers Guide To Therapist Shopping

You are allowed to fire your therapist.

Good luck.


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#44290 - 02/06/06 04:41 PM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Adam,

A therapist who rejects and challenges your feelings like that is harming you at a very basic level. Her task is to help you along YOUR path, not drag you kicking and screaming down hers.

Therapy is vital for you bro, don't lose sight of that. But a therapist that makes you feel devalidated like this is adding to the problem, not resolving it.

I would not confront her, but just say you are feeling uncomfortable and want to seek help from someone else. This happens all the time, and if she takes it badly then maybe you should be offering therapy to her!

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#44291 - 02/08/06 07:26 PM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
Born to Resist Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/30/05
Posts: 269
Loc: Southern California, USA
Adam,

I "fired" my therapist back in October. Before completly stopping therapy with her I used her to help me identify a new therapist. I went into my last session with a list of therapist that were in the network of my health insurance. I asked her if she knew any of them and could recomen anyone. She said she didn't recognize any of the names. We agreed that she would call around doing a prescreen for me and recomend several people. I only used up about 15 minunites of my hour. I told her that since I had another 45 miniutes that I would like that time used for her to do the research necessary to recomend a number of people. Witin a week she was able to give me a list of 5 therapist with a general background on each of them. I then called each of them and conducted my own screening based on the consumer guide to therapist posted on this site and from Mike Lew's book Victims No Longer. The process of searching for the right therapist is healing in itself. I know have a great therapist with lots of experience with SA who I connect with. I've been through 5 therpaist (first 3 were free clinics with only 10 vistis maximum a year) ... this is the first time I actually feel good after a therapy session.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality


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#44292 - 02/08/06 07:36 PM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
I'm firing my therapist as well. She just isn't capable of helping me in the way I need to be helped. She's a good T in general, but not in the SA recovery area.


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#44293 - 02/09/06 08:15 AM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
Morning Star Offline
Member

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
I believe the fastest process of recovery is validation of what you feel about your past, no wonder this site is such hit.

That way your therapist is missing out one of the basic tenets of psycotheraphy, that is to respect your patient, and above all be patient yourself!

_________________________
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

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#44294 - 02/09/06 06:44 PM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
aardvark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/05
Posts: 38
Loc: new york
IN NO WAY am i saying to not fire your therapist. you probubly should fire this one. But in the future, dont be to reluctant to hear their point of view. I have found in therapy that my "T" will bring up points that at first have seemed like total bull to me. but then on the drive home or later in the week it pops back in and something makes me say "maybe." It might help to hear them out and really think about what they are saying, it might not be totaly true, but there may be hints in there. If your not going to listen a little in therapy whats the point in going? you can sit on the couch at home talking to a parrot if you just want someone to agree with you.

_________________________
"You cant always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need."

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#44295 - 02/10/06 01:28 AM Re: is it ok to fire my therapist?
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Shadow - I only had a T for a couple of months. She would ask me what I wanted to talk about and just let me speak. Once I started talking she would ask me how I had felt at the time, or, how that made me feel now. It was never about what she thought. She was very good and helped me a lot. She wasn't even an abuse specialist.

She was another catalyst in my recovery!

Therapists should never impose their opinions upon you - they are there to guide your thoughts, not create them or impose them upon you.

Wishing you well ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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