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#442671 - 07/30/13 08:12 PM Constantly Triggered
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 246
Loc: Germany
Lately I've been feeling very irritable and triggered by so many things. I have also recently found a new therapist and will be attending my first CSA survivor group session this week, and as a result I have been encouraged to actively re-think and confront my PTSD and abuse.

I read an article in the news today and it mentioned a website in Canada to report online child sexual exploitation. I went to check out the site and see the work this org is doing, and I contemplated filling out a report form regarding a website I was exposed to during my abuse, but I just became overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, panic, sweats, triggering memories- even flashbacks of the emergence of my PTSD about 2 years ago which in itself was very traumatic. I feel so scared and .... triggered.

During my last session, my therapist gave me a run-down about reporting the online predators who harmed me as a kid to the police, and so this frightening endeavour has been on my mind since.

Is there anything I should think about or consider? Is it not a good idea to report anything yet if the idea of it is causing me much distress? I don't want to do this alone, and most family and friends I have ignore my abuse/what I am going through, and so it has been real tough always having to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself.
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#442678 - 07/30/13 08:58 PM Re: Constantly Triggered [Re: JayBro]
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
That is a lot to take on all at once. What are the chances your perps are still active?

One step at a time work on yourself is most important
_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

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#442686 - 07/30/13 09:48 PM Re: Constantly Triggered [Re: JayBro]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1096
Loc: The ATL

Hi Jay. I would say that you should report any on-line child exploitation that you even possibly know of, but not at the expense of yourself. Keep in mind that the police in Canada and around the world are fighting on-line child exploitation constantly and it's ok to sit back, keep yourself safe, let them do their job, and be at peace with that. It is not your responsibility, and you shouldn't feel like it is. (I would say the only exception to this would be if you knew for certain how and where there where children being abused, the police didn't know about it, and you had the power to stop what was going on directly, but I'm going to assume that is not the case here.)

I don't know how long ago your CSA occurred but I'm going to bet that whatever site you were exposed to is either gone or has moved anyway. Sites like that don't stay active for long. They either get busted and taken down or they are moved around the internet by the people who operate them. Changing names, changing servers and trying to stay one step ahead of the law. Probably best not to worry yourself about it. Just focus on your own recovery and on keeping yourself safe and that should be enough. Take care. Peace,

Ken

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#442702 - 07/30/13 11:35 PM Re: Constantly Triggered [Re: JayBro]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 246
Loc: Germany
Thank you guys!

The site was stories of 'erotica' with themes of csa and it was just so horrid and bothersome. The many men I met online who lured/groomed me wanted me to act out in scenarios like those depicted. Thinking about it is just so hard and makes me feel real unsafe. The abuse stopped about 4 or so years ago, but went on for 6. It was after I turned 20 in the Summer of 2011 after I was sexually assaulted when I was intoxicated that I became very triggered and "awoken" if you will to the reality of the abuse I went through growing up.
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#442825 - 07/31/13 09:31 PM Re: Constantly Triggered [Re: JayBro]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 246
Loc: Germany
As an update, today I've been feeling a bit better
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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