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#442532 - 07/29/13 03:18 PM Soul ties... possible triggers
csasurvivor1992 Offline


Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
The problem with abuse is the emotion underscoring what is supposed to be a beautiful, awesome, uniting experience with your spouse. Abuse connotes anger, shame, victimization... all the awful things of having sex with someone who is not your significant other, and oftentimes, against your will.

Started church this weekend, with my wife :), and the preacher preached on Soul Ties... Soul Ties as the reason we sometimes get emotionally distracted, emotionally pulled way. The foundation of this message... that there are three parts to the body: Spirit, Soul, Body. When saved, God's spirit communicates with your spirit. But your Soul continues to make decisions for your body. Your Soul is your thoughts, your feelings, your dreams and desires.

When you have sex, your souls intertwine. It's like cracking two eggs, mixing them in a bowl, then breaking up. It's IMPOSSIBLE; there will always be part of one egg with the other.

Abuse is a powerful word, rape even more powerful for the sentiment they convey, the emotion which underscores them. But sex, the simple (supposed-to-be pure and awesome) act is what happened with most of us. Simply put, most of our abusers had sex with us. Which led to my "wow" revelations...

We have a soul tie to our abuser. Our thoughts, feelings, dreams, desires connected. In my case, mine to my dad's and my dad's to mine. The pastor suggested that soul ties will create barriers in your marriage. That sometimes you'll feel sad, anxious, or depressed. You'll feel that way seemingly out of nowhere. And why? Because the souls of two people who have sex are tied together. His solution? Cut all soul ties.

The pastor's suggestion... cut all soul ties.

Wow.


Edited by csasurvivor1992 (07/29/13 03:21 PM)
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May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

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#442536 - 07/29/13 04:37 PM Re: Soul ties... possible triggers [Re: csasurvivor1992]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: csasurvivor1992

When you have sex, your souls intertwine. It's like cracking two eggs, mixing them in a bowl, then breaking up. It's IMPOSSIBLE; there will always be part of one egg with the other.

Abuse is a powerful word, rape even more powerful for the sentiment they convey, the emotion which underscores them. But sex, the simple (supposed-to-be pure and awesome) act is what happened with most of us. Simply put, most of our abusers had sex with us. Which led to my "wow" revelations...

We have a soul tie to our abuser. Our thoughts, feelings, dreams, desires connected. ... The pastor suggested that soul ties will create barriers in your marriage. That sometimes you'll feel sad, anxious, or depressed. You'll feel that way seemingly out of nowhere. And why? Because the souls of two people who have sex are tied together. His solution? Cut all soul ties.



I've wondered about this. I think it must be correct.

I've wondered if this is why I felt such an inner relief when my perpetrator died? And/or maybe I knew I didn't have to be afraid of him anymore. His death broke the soul ties.

Puffer

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#442538 - 07/29/13 05:03 PM Re: Soul ties... possible triggers [Re: csasurvivor1992]
Chase Eric Offline
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Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1308
...


Edited by Chase Eric (11/21/13 06:50 PM)
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#442542 - 07/29/13 05:42 PM Re: Soul ties... possible triggers [Re: Chase Eric]
KMCINVA Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1629
Soul ties. Interesting, for so long my T and I have been working on me connecting with a part of me, the child, that had a sense of being special to the abuser and believing the acts he committed to me was the only way to be loved. The rest of me was repulsed by any part of me having these feelings. We have made significant progress and this thread hit me, this is what part of me had-- a soul tie to the abuser. The child never grew it was trapped in the world of the abuse by me--I disowned this part of me.

I think this thread captures the need to break the soul ties if we want to be free of the abuser. Thank you for posting it helped to put the struggle I had into perspective.

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#442609 - 07/30/13 09:16 AM Re: Soul ties... possible triggers [Re: csasurvivor1992]
csasurvivor1992 Offline


Registered: 03/25/13
Posts: 132
Loc: Texas
Wow.

Already the response is overwhelming, and validating. Puffer, KMCINVA-I'm glad it helped and illuminated something for you. I haven't yet discussed this with my T, but I plan to. Certainly discuss this concept with yours, if you have one.

Eirik, Thank you for your encouragement! I wanted to clarify one point you raised... the pastor suggested cutting soul ties but here's how: remove any relics, mementos, tokens, any material thing that may take you back to that person. Pray over it, pray that God would release you. And, it's not a one and done thing, it's a constant struggle to pray away the soul tie... he made mention that he prayed over his soul ties just that day. It's a constant struggle but a necessary one to stay emotionally connected to the present. And, soul ties can be rekindled, recreated... that's why the constant struggle to eliminate them.

Hope that helps clarify "cut all soul ties." Personally, I agree with you... anyone that can one and done cutting a soul tie may not be emotionally connected at all and I wouldn't want to know that person. And to be fair, this was as it relates to premarital sex between two consenting partners, seemingly "in love." I only equated this to sexual abuse because as the pastor stripped down our Spirit, Soul, Body makeup, I saw abuse stripped down as sex. This is a big leap I took relating it to our issues... the point being I don't think he's suggesting "forget" and "get over it." I think to eliminate material possessions is easy, to "pray" away the soul tie certainly involves processing the raw emotion that comes with being abused. It is, in essence, what we're already doing.

Thank you guys. You're feedback has been uplifting and validating. Much needed and appreciated.
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May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on. ~Fun.

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#442623 - 07/30/13 12:41 PM Re: Soul ties... possible triggers [Re: csasurvivor1992]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
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Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:27 PM)

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#442629 - 07/30/13 01:50 PM Re: Soul ties... possible triggers [Re: bodyguard8367]
Chase Eric Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1308
...


Edited by Chase Eric (11/21/13 06:51 PM)
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#442634 - 07/30/13 03:12 PM Re: Soul ties... possible triggers [Re: csasurvivor1992]
freeze-on Offline


Registered: 08/08/09
Posts: 72
Loc: southeast
I appreciate you guys regarding this discussion.

What is there about acting out as adults with those we wish to cannibalize (absorb their traits) that reinforces the soul tie with the original perp(s)?. Not that I want the traits of the original perp ; (getting over fear, having strength, finding myself in his traits, getting protection, nurturing, plain out needing companionship to dispel loneliness, whatever...) do i not reinforce the power of the original perp over me....the tie does not only reinforce the original, but perhaps also creates a new tie. Where do you find that part that is missing so that it does not continually wreak havoc?

.

Thus i find myself sometimes days in a row and sometimes a day a week suffer a moment of "I gotta have this or I might disintegrate".....which passes as i get grounded and refocus/play the tape to the end so to speak.

A long post, but how long does it take to get over these ties, get over these emotions, and what do you do to fill that spot where there is a legitimate need that must be met to recover from this thing that continues to eat at your core?

Thanks guys for being here. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for being courageous men looking inside of some harsh territory that even the most seasoned warrior would run from.





Edited by grinning (08/01/13 06:07 PM)

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#442644 - 07/30/13 04:10 PM Re: Soul ties... possible triggers [Re: freeze-on]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1629
It takes time. For me it took a long time first to admit a part of me had this sense of being special to the abuser and believing as he told me, the only way for love was the abuse--which he called our secret. For me it is more complicated, I have dissociative episodes and fugues and if I acted out it was in these states. Why, I have been told the child part of me takes over and I go wherever. It is a coping mechanism to avoid stress and the trauma. I have learned the child in me needed love, love I denied him by burying this fragmented side and once he was in control this part decided what was to occur. Very confusing for me, because these memories are lost and I have been told most likely will not return. This aside, my T and doctor encouraged me to learn to love this part of me, I resisted but finally I began to accept this part of me and no longer shun and try to bury it. I needed to accept him and the abuse. For more than a year I fought acceptance but slowly began to love the child, and over time I learned to love me. I am beginning to believe I am worthy and good--such a novel feeling. The conflict and need for the abuser has waned. My T said once I loved the child I would begin to free myself from the abuser. I was stubborn and he was right. I am learning the abuse and abuser does not define me.

It is painstaking and grueling to go through this process, but it finally has helped me. It is allowing me to be whole and live the life I was meant to live--as whole and not a fragment being.

In the end, I have learned it was up to me to accept me as a whole. I hope this helps, it is hard to put into words.

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#442650 - 07/30/13 05:15 PM Re: Soul ties... possible triggers [Re: csasurvivor1992]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:28 PM)

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