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#442442 - 07/28/13 07:51 PM Big regret!!
forgive777 Offline


Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 115
Loc: california
Last year around this time I was hanging out with a gay cousin! I grew up with him I know it sounds like really you hang out with gay persons! No its nothing like that he's a very good cousing that I got raisedl up with can't harly tell his a gay man! but that's not the point!!!! I was getting drunk one night with him at my old house I got a captain morgan 80 proof bottle made me some drinks and chilled like cousins well I felt comftroble knowing he's gonna b cool to hangt out with talk about are family and basic conversations.. I end up finishin the bottle of the whisky captain morgan! I was gonna sleep when all of a sudden my cousin asked if he could lay next to me becouse he felt uncomftroble in the floor iam thinking screw it why not he's like my bro!! No worries so I end up passing out and then woke up to receiving oral by him!!!! I said WTF!!! To him and he proceeded I thought about the feeling and how iam now a bi sexual for going along with this!!! I am not gonna lie I am 100& straight this was super awkward I went along with it I was hammered but remembered the who
E thing but I felt abused again the next morning I felt like I regret something horrible I felt like I should kick my gays cousins ass for leading me into this but I don't understand is why did I not stop or stopped him iam super confused and I felt like I was now gay! And freaked out I ain't gay now why the hell did I DO! This! IAm not gay and never experienced man sex only with him!!! And I feel like he knew I was a vulnerable perdson becouse he knew I was molested as a child.... I feel raped again and disgustted that I proceeded with it... and I ain't gay FML


Edited by forgive777 (07/28/13 07:53 PM)
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#442444 - 07/28/13 07:57 PM Re: Big regret!! [Re: forgive777]
forgive777 Offline


Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 115
Loc: california
Why the hell did I freeze! And this made me super confused about my sexuality I ain't gay I don't want to be gay but I do respect them... excuse my typos iam doing this threw my phone to keep it private.. thanks please give me good advise on why I froze and participated in gay sex I just wann kick my gay cousins ass now!!!
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#442445 - 07/28/13 08:00 PM Re: Big regret!! [Re: forgive777]
forgive777 Offline


Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 115
Loc: california
And also want to say I can't talk about this things to anyone I been holding this in a whole year and I honestly feel getting takin advantage of! Thanks guys
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#442447 - 07/28/13 08:14 PM Re: Big regret!! [Re: forgive777]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
forgive,

I feel so bad for you as your cousin took advantage of you feeling he was safe, he definitely took advantage of you. Why did you freeze? It does not change who you are, you are still whomever you were the day before, only you have been taken advantage of, the same as if it were a female with whom you did not have sexual feelings toward. He crossed the line, the line he and you both knew was there, you were friends and relatives only.

You froze fellow survivor, because that is the reaction you had when you were abused. You froze instead of fighting or fleeing. It is all from the same reaction to adrenaline. It is a common reaction from survivors. It means.., nothing. It is not your thoughts, your intellect or your inclinations, it is an emotional reaction. Why do drivers mash on the brakes instead of steering around an accident? Are they unfit drivers? No, just unprepared. You too fellow survivor, were caught by surprise and unprepared.

It is also an emotional reaction to want to hurt those who hurt you, but it will not resolve the underlying feelings of fear and uncertainty. We need safety around us, and that means not physically being in situations were we could be challenged. It may mean not hanging around your cousin, but a healthy, affirming way to resolve this would be to confront your cousin, telling him he betrayed your trust. It may be a good idea to think through that event and prepare yourself, thinking about his reactions and what you could say to him. Prepare and execute, with the long term goal of either allowing him to remain in your life or removing him from it.

As it has always been dear survivor you are innocent, please let that rest in your heart.

My best to you,
Sam
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#442448 - 07/28/13 08:41 PM Re: Big regret!! [Re: forgive777]
forgive777 Offline


Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 115
Loc: california
Thanks ya! I stopped talking with this person I hung around with him becouse he was like my brother I always felt he wanted to do something to me tho!!! And I was rite it just angers me that I had to experience that gay event to cut of the relation ship and I am now traumatized and I hope me letting you guys know!! Gives me relieve....I feel like throwing up just remembering it....
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#442453 - 07/28/13 09:04 PM Re: Big regret!! [Re: forgive777]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 270
Loc: PA
Forgive,

If you think you are not gay then you aren't - no matter what your cousin did to you. The act is just a physical event. Him taking advantage of your trust in him is the crime.

I'm so sorry it happened to you. I would not think any less of you because a guy took advantage of you.

Glad to hear you have good boundaries and stayed away from him.

Stay safe and I hope sharing the experience helps.
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Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#442457 - 07/28/13 09:40 PM Re: Big regret!! [Re: forgive777]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1304
Forgive -

I am really sorry you have to deal with this humiliating and confusing issue. A sad welcome to MS...

I think it is important to define the situation a bit more clearly. It's not really a "gay" issue - it's a boundary issue - an issue of trust. There are straight men here who have been sexually abused by women, and there are gay men who have been abused by men. I am sure they would agree. Would your anguish be the same if this was a woman who took similar advantage of you after being "hammered" on Captain Morgan?
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#442459 - 07/28/13 09:49 PM Re: Big regret!! [Re: forgive777]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
forgive, sometimes.., we gots to throw up. To be clear, it was not a gay event, but inappropriate sexual battery, something that could even be brought up on charges, even after a year. Keep safely considering that event while you get the support and help you need to keep safe in the future to avoid situations in the present and future.

Remember, this was an event that can be overcome, healed internally and victoriously won. Keep sharing, keep sharing safely and keep healing.

Sam
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#442466 - 07/28/13 10:44 PM Re: Big regret!! [Re: forgive777]
forgive777 Offline


Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 115
Loc: california
Thanks gentlemen!!! Means a lot reading your responses!!! Iam not a person with any regrets! But this incident was my biggest regret!!!
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BertG777

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#442467 - 07/28/13 10:49 PM Re: Big regret!! [Re: forgive777]
forgive777 Offline


Registered: 05/18/13
Posts: 115
Loc: california
The thing with this that I feel that it messed me up a lil bit is I work construction electrician trade!!! That's a pretty intense people!!! And I feel as of I have a big secret that if someone at work found out I was molested as a kid I will losse respect I know I shouldnt. But iam human
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