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#442404 - 07/28/13 01:54 AM Sexual Surrogacy
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
I know a lot of us struggle with even going there. With women and/or with men.

A recent movie called "the Sessions" talked about sexual surrogacy as a therapy in overcoming stubborn sexual blocks.

Does anyone have an experience or opinion about this method of helping victims become capable of sexual expression with a loving partner?


Edited by GoldStone (07/29/13 08:00 AM)

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#442648 - 07/30/13 04:51 PM Re: Sexual Surrogacy [Re: GoldStone]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3620
Loc: South-East Europe
Not sure what do you mean by "stubborn sexual blocks"?

Survivors of abuse have many issues with intimacy and could be easy victims including abusive and invasive therapists of all kinds. There are people who claim that are experts and that could actually bring additional harm so we have to be more than careful about it.
Also if some of us have problems with sex addiction, acting out, compulsive watching porn and similar I don't think that some dysfunctional sexual practice could bring anything good.
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#442649 - 07/30/13 05:01 PM Re: Sexual Surrogacy [Re: GoldStone]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:27 PM)

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#442785 - 07/31/13 05:40 PM Re: Sexual Surrogacy [Re: GoldStone]
nolan79 Offline


Registered: 06/22/13
Posts: 32
Loc: sc, united states
I have no idea what sexual surrogacy is, or means, but if it can help with the craziness that we all experience then I'm all for it.
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#442787 - 07/31/13 05:49 PM Re: Sexual Surrogacy [Re: nolan79]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1477
Originally Posted By: Nolan
I have no idea what sexual surrogacy is, or means, but if it can help with the craziness that we all experience then I'm all for it.

My understanding is that a surrogate is a stand-in - a substitute. So a sexual surrogate is one who can stand in and fill a specific sexual need. Like a pinch-hitter in baseball. Funny - I only had this realization just now as I am typing this. My molester abused a lot of 7-8 year old girls in the neighborhood. He molested me quite a bit, too (I was 12-13), but when he got caught and no one looked close enough to see I was also a victim. I was asked to hang out with him and keep him from the girls. That worked well for the adults because, unbeknownst to them, he made me his sexual surrogate. And the neighborhood was saved. Sexual surrogacy works.

I'm not triggered, though. A bit amazed at the unexpected pertinence of the topic to me, maybe. But not triggered. Continue discussion. Or let's talk about baseball. Whatever.
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#442792 - 07/31/13 06:06 PM Re: Sexual Surrogacy [Re: Chase Eric]
nolan79 Offline


Registered: 06/22/13
Posts: 32
Loc: sc, united states
Originally Posted By: Chase Eric
Originally Posted By: Nolan
I have no idea what sexual surrogacy is, or means, but if it can help with the craziness that we all experience then I'm all for it.

My understanding is that a surrogate is a stand-in - a substitute. So a sexual surrogate is one who can stand in and fill a specific sexual need. Like a pinch-hitter in baseball. Funny - I only had this realization just now as I am typing this. My molester abused a lot of 7-8 year old girls in the neighborhood. He molested me quite a bit, too (I was 12-13), but when he got caught and no one looked close enough to see I was also a victim. I was asked to hang out with him and keep him from the girls. That worked well for the adults because, unbeknownst to them, he made me his sexual surrogate. And the neighborhood was saved. Sexual surrogacy works.

I'm not triggered, though. A bit amazed at the unexpected pertinence of the topic to me, maybe. But not triggered. Continue discussion. Or let's talk about baseball. Whatever.


First off, I am sorry for the way you were treated. I can relate to the being ignored part. Thank you for trying to explain the whole sexual surrogacy thing to me. I think I am going to google it to see what I find. I am sick of feeling the way that I feel. From sexual confusion, to sexual fears, I am sick of it all.
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#442812 - 07/31/13 08:38 PM Re: Sexual Surrogacy [Re: GoldStone]
genedebs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 288
Loc: MO
To Chase Eric and others:

There are sex therapists. Masters and Johnson are probably the most famous. (Google them and their books.) When individuals have sexual problems the therapist try to pin point the area of distress.

Some areas of distress can (or must) be dealt with sexual experience. The individual participating in the sexual experience as part of therapy is called a sexual surrogate.

We who have not had this experience and tend to be unkind, might call the surrogate a prostitute. However, their role and activities are very specific and are directed by the therapist.

Sex therapists are generally more expensive than other therapists. If you participate in sexual therapy, you may not need a surrogate.

May the Lord Bless you and keep you until then.

We all have different stories but we all are just the same.


Edited by genedebs (07/31/13 08:43 PM)

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#442831 - 07/31/13 10:17 PM Re: Sexual Surrogacy [Re: genedebs]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1477
Originally Posted By: genedebs
Some areas of distress can (or must) be dealt with sexual experience. The individual participating in the sexual experience as part of therapy is called a sexual surrogate.

We who have not had this experience and tend to be unkind, might call the surrogate a prostitute. However, their role and activities are very specific and are directed by the therapist.

Sex therapists are generally more expensive than other therapists. If you participate in sexual therapy, you may not need a surrogate.

Thank you, Genedebs. I just learned something new. I was completely unaware this even existed. I suppose I should have done a Google search instead of taking the simple definition of terms. Sorry if I came across at all insensitive or unkind due to my ignorance on sexual surrogacy.
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#442966 - 08/01/13 10:23 PM Re: Sexual Surrogacy [Re: GoldStone]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Just saw this from the site Geoff posted.

http://www.surrogatetherapy.org/selecting-an-appropriate-surrogate/

"Some clients with issues of inexperience or negative body image, or with histories of trauma, may choose to work with a same-sex surrogate who participates as a role model rather than as an intimate partner."


This particular organization has 14 surrogates of each gender.

Not huge, but not small either.

I've met only one professoinal sex therapist in my life, at my brother's wedding. Really wanted to grill her on it, but the revelation had everyone stumbling over words.

I bet they face a lot of fear and mistrust.

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#442968 - 08/01/13 10:26 PM Re: Sexual Surrogacy [Re: GoldStone]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
and this:

In the 1970s, Masters and Johnson continued this evolution by insisting that sex should be studied as a science. They observed hundreds of couples in the act of making love, recorded the details and compiled the data. Masters and Johnson then created methods whereby sexually dissatisfied subjects could be taught techniques to behave and think in sexually beneficial ways.

It was from this scientific research that the techniques currently incorporated into sex surrogate therapy were developed, refined and practiced by groups such as the Bay Area Surrogates Association (BASA), the International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA), and the Society for the Scientific Study of Human Sexuality (SSSS). Today, there are only about 50 IPSA-certified Surrogate Partner Therapists.

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