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#55293 - 02/18/04 09:17 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
uselesstheories Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/18/04
Posts: 23
Loc: USA
This is far from easy, just having found this place today... The age of 36 is when the flashbacks first happened - just a few months ago. Long stretches of denial did not stop the onslaught of images. Over time the pictures became clearer. I remembered instances; moments in time with utter clarity, and perhaps not the actual words, but the gist of the dialogues and interactions.

I do not remember just when it started (at two or three years old, I surmise), but it stopped only when, at 5 or 6, I questioned the perp (mother) as to what we were doing. The ending was immediate.

5 or 6 until 36, I knew I was an angry person. I knew I had these unexplainable resentments towards women. I knew I never let anyone get close enough to me to hurt me. I knew I was self critical and self destructive.

I just have a hard time, still, accepting that my mind blocked this from me for thirty years...

It pains me to read your stories, nearly as much as it does to reveal my own. We shouldn't have to be dealing with this, but alas, we do. Sites like this are a gift.

_________________________
Life is pain your Highness; anyone who tells you differently is selling something.
- William Goldman

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#55294 - 02/18/04 09:51 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Abused by three guys 16-17

Street hustler 17-21
Heroin addict 18-21
alcoholic 11-36
Married 36 years

first sought help when I was 56. am 63 now.
Why did I wait so long. I thought it was no big deal. Tried suicide three times. What a damned mess it was.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#55295 - 02/19/04 03:08 AM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Em Offline
Member

Registered: 01/19/04
Posts: 38
Loc: North East Ohio
I became a survivor on January 12 this year. That day is as much a turning point in my life as any day has ever been.

Before that day, I minimalized what happened to me, and I was a victim and lived my life as a prisoner of myself. Life was hell. Events led me to face my past, and to begin to recover. Everything is still changing in my life, it is changing for the better.

For 20 years of my life of only 25 years, I lived in hell. Now I begin to live in reality. Reality is not hell, it is not heaven either, but it is real and that is enough right now.

Em


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#55296 - 02/19/04 04:03 AM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Other then things in my family, which I am still not so sure of mostly, the abuse began for me at age of 10. It continued until I was 18, and left my home country. I did not begin to work on it at all until June last year, so, I suppose I became survivor at age 23.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#55297 - 02/19/04 03:40 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
FlyWM Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 322
Loc: Michigan
I was abused from as early as I can remember until I was 17, and didn't begin dealing with it until just a few months ago, and am now a survivor at 20. BUt in a way I believe we were all survivors the first time anything happened to us, because in a way we did survive.

scott

_________________________
Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible in not a declaration, it's a dare.

--Adidas

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#55298 - 03/08/04 02:00 AM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Thanks for all your reply. It is great to see that soo many of you have begon your healing at a young age. I waited way too long before I found help and began my healing. Of course 30 years ago this great place of HEALING called Male Survivor was not around for us old timers to use. It does my heart good to know that MS is making a big difference in so many lifes. Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#55299 - 03/08/04 02:58 AM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Kire1975 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 31
delete



Edited by Kire1975 (07/18/08 04:01 AM)

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#55300 - 03/08/04 05:45 AM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Angry_youth_86_Keith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/06/02
Posts: 103
Loc: Olympia, Washington
Age 2. then re abuse..self sought re-abuse froma ges 6-11. orignal abuse from moms boyfriend. other abuse was just anyone and everyone who was willing.

_________________________
"Ignoring mortality, we worship mediocrity"- Greg Graffin

"Live fast, die young, leave a great looking corpse"-Ronny Van Zant

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#55301 - 03/08/04 09:24 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Robby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/04
Posts: 17
Loc: Texas
I was abused at 5 by a adolesent neighbor and 13 by a teacher and coach. I am now 36 years old. I have been in pain all these years. I never understood why I felt the way I did.

I have only started to heal in the last year.

If I could, I would sue my perp. He still works with kids.


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#435936 - 05/27/13 03:17 AM Re: At what age did you become a survivor? [Re: Muldoon]
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
I am going to put this post back out there to see what the guys here today have to say.
I feel that many guys are beginning this trip at a much younger age than most of us back in 2004.

thank You
Tom
_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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