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#55283 - 03/20/03 01:28 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
I truly started surviving immediately following the first instance of abuse by my sister when I was 8 and she was 13. Survival kicked in immediately.

What survival meant, from that day until last May (I was 42), was to keep my mouth shut and to keep the secret shame of what had happened to me from everyone, for fear they would know I was bad.

Since last May, I have been on a different journey of survival. I have acknowledged that there is nothing wrong with me, rather that something happened to me, and that talking about is my only chance.

James

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#55284 - 03/20/03 04:30 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Quote:
Just read MULDOON'S question and think that it should be like murder----no limitation on time to prosecute.

David
David it IS murder--soul murder! So you make a damn good point!

My overt SA began no later than age two and went to about age 11. But I quickly buried all memories
and so they remained until about 20 months ago. That's when I really moved from victim to survivor & started dealing with my problems, tho I'd been going to therapy & psychiatry for 10 years or so.

From my experience most survivors, at least male survivors, are unable to tell about their abuse until they get out of it and probably years away from it. This can be due either to burying the memories or dissociating from them as I did, or becuz of threats & fear, or intense shame, or not wanting to get your perps in trouble like if they're family as some of mine were, or just not even realizing what's going on is wrong thru all the confusion.

Too bad men who haven't been thru this can't understand it.

Too bad they can't try a little harder.

Well dammit I'm gonna be a squeaky wheel until their ears ache & I get some of the oil of justice & satisfaction!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#55285 - 03/23/03 06:01 AM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Thanks guys this will be of great help to me in my work at the capital. This post will go a long ways at educating the Reps on the issue of CSA. We have our 1st hearing next week,3/25 at 7 pm. We get a full 2 hours for the bill,I will let you know how things go. I am hoping that the hearing will air on the Gov TV channel so that all can see it live in every part of the state. Later Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#55286 - 02/18/04 10:21 AM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Another post I would like to get some input from the new guys for this years battle at the capital. Thanks Tom Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#55287 - 02/18/04 01:48 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Brayton Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 696
Loc: Minneapolis
47!

_________________________
Sometimes, things just won't work the way we want them to.

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#55288 - 02/18/04 03:11 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
June 19, 1995 Age 30

When these words spoke to me sunk in: "I have the right to beat you.". They were spoken by my first ex-wife when I told her she cannot keep on beating me. I quickly realized, No, you do not have the right to beat me, nobody has that right.

The next night my second perp showed up to 'console' me. My realization came back, as applied to this situation, No, you do not have the right to rape me, nobody has that right.

That is when I stopped being a victim and started to survive.

October, 2002 Age 37

I started to take steps toward being a survivor and moving onward, instead of inward.

When I told the first person about the SA, my pdoc.
When I told the second person about my SA, my T.
When I told the third person about my SA, my wife (now ex-wife).
When I told the fourth person about my SA, new doc.

June 29, 2003 Age 38

The day I found MaleSurvivor and the great group of guys and gals here. And started down the path with guidance.

Where I started to tell my story of abuse.
Where I have made big steps in dealing with this stuff.
Where I have learned more about myself than I ever new.
Where I first understood an addiction of mine, (thanks Tony who lives in Texas for staying up with me until 5 a.m. to help me through this)

What age and when did I become a survivor - you pick the age and date above. They are all significant and meaningful to me.

Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#55289 - 02/18/04 03:17 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
i was 36 when my wife caught me having an affair. the only way we managed to survive was that i admitted everything, and began seaking help for my sexual issues. it was during therapy for it that i discovered my abuse. i was a victim for another couple years. i would only call myself a survivor for the past six months or so, but i remembered the abuse and began recovery work on it at 36.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#55290 - 02/18/04 03:31 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Texas_Mike Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/04
Posts: 135
Loc: San Antonio, Texas-The Lone-St...
I was 26...

couldn't even kick the shit out of that guy- the fucken drug I was fed ( pants were down & this fuck was givin me a blow job); he stopped when he realized I was getting my senses back...it never got to rape....i woke up from the drug in time....there is a GOD....or I was lucky. Don't like being taken advangate of, period....

back in -79-----

I'll be 51 in March.

I watch who makes my drinks now.......

_________________________
"Passion, excitement, and confidence are the important medicines that you need every day"

Run 2 Live-Live 2 Run

Best,
"The Desert Runner" Mike

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#55291 - 02/18/04 03:34 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Texas_Mike Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/04
Posts: 135
Loc: San Antonio, Texas-The Lone-St...
Check this site: Good Healin' place...

http://www.survivingtothriving.org/

_________________________
"Passion, excitement, and confidence are the important medicines that you need every day"

Run 2 Live-Live 2 Run

Best,
"The Desert Runner" Mike

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#55292 - 02/18/04 07:22 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Muldoon -

Abuse at 12 (1969)
First reached out to friends (pissed at the time) aged 44.
Sought real help aged 46 - Dec 18th 2003.

At 44/46 outwardly there were initially few signs that anyone would recognise, however for about 6(?) weeks prior to cracking up at 46 (Dec 18th 2003) I was climbing trees on another planet. I was functioning at work in a responsible job, but 'I' was not there!

Best wishes ...Rik

*First came to MS Dec 31st 2003

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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