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#55273 - 03/19/03 05:10 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
I was violently sexually assaulted for 9 months when I was 16-17 at Military College. I never told anyone about it. I was on the street for 3 years 18-21> I finally sought help at age 56. I have been a member of AA for 26 years and kicked heroin when I was 21. I am 62 now and am still healing. There should be no statute of limitations on these animals.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#55274 - 03/19/03 07:43 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Just read MULDOON'S question and think that it should be like murder----no limitation on time to prosecute.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#55275 - 03/19/03 08:20 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
The first time I ever told someone about the abuse was when I was 15 or 16, that would be 1995 or so. I was abused at about age 2 (which I still don't recall) in 1980, and at age 8 (1986.)

I think that telling my friend was sort of admitting that it had happened to myself, but I still didn't make the connection between the abuse and me depression, feelings of worthlessness, anger, and suicide attempt.

I didn't finally make the connection until I was a junior in college at 23 (2001.) And when I did, it all hit me like a ton of bricks and I spent the bulk of that year in a deep depression. I would sleep through about half of my classes and meals. And the ones I did go to, I would return to bed as soon as they were concluded. It was about this time that I also told a different very good friend of mine and sought therapy through the school.

Though I never really forgot the memories of what happened to me, I never realized the impact that the abuse had on me for fifteen years. I am currently 24, and still in therapy and still struggling with depression and feelings of inadaquacy and anger.

The fact that I was able to realize the effect the abuse had on my so young is fairly unusual, as evidenced by the posts made by the other men here. In my personal opinon, there should absolutly be not statute of limitations on child sexual abuse. I don't know if I will ever want to face my perps in court or not, but that decision should be up to me, not the courts, and these bastards certianly do not have any right to be able to hide behind ANY law.

I hope that this is able to help Muldoon. Good luck

Eric


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#55276 - 03/19/03 09:18 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
I was abused by a priest from age 8 to 11 or so, in the sacristy at the church. That was in 1972 or so. Then, at 10, in 1974,i told the babysitters 16 year old son who abused me worse, cuz he liked to play those games too. At 19,in 1983, after a wicked nite of partyin, my dad told me to go to confession, saw a different priest than my first perp one, who told me to "forgive and forget". My "confessor" was later accused and charged with assaulting a seminarian about the same time as I went to confession. So i told, once when i was 10, got more abuse. Told when i was 19, nothing happened. I have since been dealing with difficulty in relationships, addictions, clinical depression, post-traumtic stress disorder, obessive compulsive disorder, and borderline personality disorder. Who knows what else i might learn about me as i continue this journey. At 38, i've finally started doing somthing about it. I've told the church, my parents, my wife, my sisters, several therapists, the DA, the AG, a male SA survivor group, and my brothers here at MS.

The State of Maine will soon be debating a bill to suspend the statute of limitations. I have presented several pieces of info, including my story on three pages, the CA law, the decisions here in maine which prevent any accountability on the church's part (separation of church and state, first amendment prevent prosecution of the church for negligent supervision of clergy/employee and failure to protect a minor here in maine).

It is an envelope that I have decided to "push". My perp lives in my hometown, in a neighborhood full of kids, near the church, and the school where my kids attend. He has been expelled from the priesthood after "treatment" for pedophilia. So the bishops turned him loose on my hometown after having shifted him around maine first. I might not get justice from the Church (God bless America and the first amendment?) but i will have him exposed. I can't undo what damage he may have done since he got me, but i can possibly, just possibly, get him convicted, and required to register as a Sex offender for the rest of his life in hell on earth...I will not let me get my hopes too high..one day at a time...sry so verbose... but...

Peace

Orodo

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

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#55277 - 03/19/03 09:48 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Ordo your post makes me so proud that I consider you my brother. I admire the determination that you are showing and know that you will be sucessful. God that I had the guts to do it 45 years ago.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#55278 - 03/19/03 11:52 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
cog Offline
Member

Registered: 01/10/03
Posts: 42
I started therapy at age 35. I was sexually abused between ages 6-16.


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#55279 - 03/20/03 12:24 AM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
TheTraveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/24/03
Posts: 10
Loc: Richardson, TX
"At what age did I become a survivor?" hit me a little differently (which is about normal for me.) This is my first post and I hope to get energy and nerve for more. Anyway, I would say I became a survivor around age 6. I had been exposed to different sex acts and already felt dirty and humiliated. I soon realized that my emotions and feelings and thoughts were to be hidden in my mind and all future actions, emotions, and confident attitude had to be in place to avoid drawing attention to myself. This would allow me to survive without appearing 'different' yet, confident and together enough that folks would leave me alone and not ask questions. I had to be an active child, yet invisible at the same time, but still considered normal, while at all times being responsible for the reaction of folks around me. I had been conditioned early that anything that happened to me happened because I caused it (intentional or not, it is what I interpreted from parents.) So, my survival instincts started early in life; however, the abuse continued. Since I did not die like I wanted to do at an early age, now at age 40, I am still here - as a survivor.

_________________________
The greatest thing a man can do for his Heavenly Father is to be kind to some of His other children - Drummond.

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#55280 - 03/20/03 12:29 AM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
Thad Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/28/01
Posts: 1752
Loc: Oakland, CA
I was abused from age 0 to 5 or 6 - in Minnesota – and did not remember any of it until I recovered my abuse memory at age 55 – for some, like me, it was totally buried for many years, living with the symptoms but not knowing where they came from. Finding out was like discovering the missing piece to a puzzle that had been unanswered for 50 years.

There are lots of reasons why our abuse doesn’t surface until many years later, the age at which it happened, the need to bury it because of being unable to deal with it, the sense of shame and blaming our self for what happened that pushes us to deny it happened at all.

Having recourse to deal with the pain and confront our perpetrators when WE ARE READY to face it is an important option that the law should provide.

_________________________
"..this place isn't a discussion forum..it's a portal..." Lupin
"The truth will set you free, but first it will probably piss you off." dwf's AA sponsor.

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#55281 - 03/20/03 06:49 AM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
zadok1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/02
Posts: 188
Loc: Ohio
I repressed memories of the abuse, so i didnt even know i was molested until i was 37. some things are too painful to face before you are ready. people who have not lived something so terrible that your mind has to forget, cannot possibly understand it. a crime is a crime whether it happened yesterday or a century ago in my book. time limits protect criminals. why should there be any limits at all? what purpose do they serve outside of letting criminals get away? it always amazes me how our justice system is so quick to protect the guilty, and just as quick to figure a way out of doing thier duty. they werent hurt, just brush it under the rug so they wont have more paperwork to do.

_________________________
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those that are evil, but because of those who do nothing about them- Albert Einstein

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#55282 - 03/20/03 01:03 PM Re: At what age did you become a survivor?
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
My abuse began when I was 4 or 5 years old by both males and females. When I told my mom she beat me telling me what a bad, bad boy I was. When it continued I told my dad who beat me and threatened to have me locked up by the police if 'I' didn't stop doing those things. My perps at that time were 8 (male) and 10 (female). The perps continued non-stop until at 13 and stopped the abuse myself. By that time I was convinced it was MY fault and I was a "pervert". At 8 I was raped in an alley by a stranger (14 yr. old red haired boy) but I never told because I was going to school by the railroad tracks and my mom never let me go there. By the time I was 19, I was active with over 50+ people (some consensual) proving how bad and perverted I knew I was (mom and dad told me from little up). It wasn't until I was 42 years old and reading a book about sexual abuse that I realized "I was a victim" and had 5 perps [3 family members] and [2 strangers]. It was at 42 I consider myself a survivor. By the way, my mom was sexually abused by her brother and his 'friends' from ages 8 through 13. I am the only one she ever told when she was 62 years old - my father never knew! I have recovered sufficiently that I work as a child & adolescent psychologist and 90% of my cases are sexually abused from 4 rhrough 15 years old currently. When I worked with adults sexually abused as children the ages spanned 45 through 64 on an average.

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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