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#442368 - 07/27/13 02:38 PM Making decisions that put me in harms way.
David Mac Offline


Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 57
Loc: Pacific North West
I was traveling in a poor Eastern European country 10 days ago. Each family member there was doing whatever they could to earn a few dollars each day. Every day I climbed a rugged hill. It got hot early in the day and near the top there were a couple young men selling water and other cold drinks for a buck. Aware that this was probably the only sounce of income for them, I gave them a large tip with each purchase.

I never spoke to them, prefering to keep silence during the first part of my day. One day there was an older man there. I figured he beat the others to the spot. Because of his age, I was even more generous.

On the 7th day, I took some time to chat. The two young men were brothers. The old man was their father. They would climb the hill at 4am loaded with ice and drinks. This was the family income as they could not find jobs. They invited me to their home. I spoke to my host family who said that there was work to be found and that it all sounded shady.

The 8th day I met three young men at the hill top. They insisted on my visiting their home. They really didn't look like brothers. One was lean, blondish blue eyed, the others dark haired and stalky. I felt obligated to say yes. I told them I wanted to spend the last night at the village church with the local people to go to Mass and recite the rosary. They all agreed to wait for me and pick me up at 8pm.

As I left the church, there they were all smiling and anxious to get going. They put me in their beat up car, two in the back and me up front. As we pulled away, I thought to myself,"Well here we go. I'm being kidnapped." Taken! My only consolation is that it could not possibly have been for the sex trade unless there is a fetish out there for flabby middle-aged men with bulging prostates.

It turned out to be an incredible evening. But why did I place myself in harm's way? I do this often enough. I feel like that's what I do. I do as I am told even if it is against my better judgement. Moments like these I feel stuck in the child porn ring doing as I was told.

Mac

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#442476 - 07/29/13 12:30 AM Re: Making decisions that put me in harms way. [Re: David Mac]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 375
Loc: NY
Hey, David.

Was this perhaps an attempt to face a fear, instead of a lack of judgment?

Not sure, but if the evening was 'incredible' in a good way, you may have been challenging yourself in that direction, which could mean progress.

Hope you can take a moment to consider the bigger picture before being too hard on yourself.

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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#442537 - 07/29/13 04:44 PM Re: Making decisions that put me in harms way. [Re: David Mac]
David Mac Offline


Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 57
Loc: Pacific North West
Hey focusedbody. Naw, I wish it were an attempt to conquer fear. The evening was terrific. The wife laid out a spread of the most delicious food I have had in a long, long time. She did not join the men to eat, but kept watch over our needs. Even their father prepared one of his favorite dishes. They made their own booze of every kind. If they could make booze out of rocks, it would have been on the table. They told a lot of stories about their family, some from generations back. Very interesting. My only regret was that I didn't arrive earlier.
Be that as it may, the situation as a whole made me realize that I have got to work out a program of recovery on the csa. I prefer to go through life responding to situations, not reacting to issues of my past.

Mac

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#442625 - 07/30/13 12:52 PM Re: Making decisions that put me in harms way. [Re: David Mac]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:27 PM)

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