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#442046 - 07/24/13 05:59 PM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3620
Loc: South-East Europe
Well laws should be even stricter for such people.
I'm not sure did I understand you well Goldstone was your friend still with that man?
_________________________
My story

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#442049 - 07/24/13 06:07 PM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: peroperic2009]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Originally Posted By: peroperic2009
Well laws should be even stricter for such people.
I'm not sure did I understand you well Goldstone was your friend still with that man?
edited

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#442059 - 07/24/13 07:11 PM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
Publius Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 424
Loc: OH
My abuse started when I was 4 but it wasn't until I was 7 and broke down telling my mom in intimate detail what my abuser (an older boy from school) was doing to me. She went to the school administration, who sent me to the counselor once without my mother present and who told my parents I had not been sexually abused. I was always curious why this jackhole did not have my mother present since she was the first and only one I disclosed to but later on I found out why. My disclosure happened mere days after a priest scandal broke out at our church and the whole thing was swept under the rug.

It was the day my sense of guilt and shame was reinforced by the adults who failed to help me. Honesty took a back seat to projection as I began to lie in order to shape others' opinions of me to what I believed to be the standard. I gambled away my sense of self-esteem on the possibility that somebody could save/help me. Indeed, my school taught me a lot!

You may consider writing a letter to Aaron Fisher, author of Silent No More, who divulged what happened to him at the hands of Jerry Sandusky despite strong opposition. You never know, he may write back : )
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#442061 - 07/24/13 07:30 PM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3516
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: SoccerStar

So.... did NO ONE here get timely protection and due process??

Res ipsa loquitur.


i didn't.

eventually stopped expecting it.


thanks for the latin reference.
it sent me on a journey.
"In the common law of negligence, the doctrine of res ipsa loquitur (Latin for "the thing itself speaks") states that the elements of duty of care and breach can be sometimes inferred from the very nature of an accident or other outcome, even without direct evidence of how any defendant behaved.

In tort law, a duty of care is a legal obligation which is imposed on an individual requiring that they adhere to a standard of reasonable care while performing any acts that could foreseeably harm others.

Duty of care may be considered a formalization of the social contract, the implicit responsibilities held by individuals towards others within society. It is not a requirement that a duty of care be defined by law, though it will often develop through the jurisprudence of common law."

http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Byrne+v.+Boadle
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#442064 - 07/24/13 07:38 PM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3509
Loc: somewhere in Africa
when it happens at home and at school - and you are supposed to tell parents and teachers - and they already are pretending not to know - who do you tell?
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#442067 - 07/24/13 08:44 PM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
cosmos Offline


Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 185
Loc: Puget Sound
Sorry Matt just don’t see the relevance here, I was caught in the act with el Diablo by an older cousin, all hell broke loose, and all I remember is the confrontation with my father and him speaking, saying something “god’s will”, I must have basically said eff you cause it’s the only time in my life where my father beat me, but I never ever said a word, the first person I ever told was my wife back in October. I am not a christian but Jesus said to turn the other cheek, it’s not because they don’t deserve your hate and animosity, but because as soon as you violate the sacred trust of humanity you become one of them, maybe not an “Eichmann” but a “little Eichmann”; “your either part of the solution or part of the problem”; you figure it out.
I still fantasize about beating el Diablo’s skull in till his brain falls out, just that there is no hate in it, just my bestial mentality vs. his bestial acts. Please understand I have put people in the hospital and I feel the need for their forgiveness too, I just don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, I have been a pariah of mankind and will continue to be until I die. I just want out, I want to have peace in my head, just can’t figure out how to silence the demons inside me.

“every single one of us a devil inside”

INXS

Chris
_________________________
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine

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#442111 - 07/25/13 10:11 AM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 623
Loc: VA
I don't remember anything that might have happened immediately after--not a thing. That's probably what happened.

And the first time I mentioned the Bad Event was 35 years later.

John

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#442122 - 07/25/13 11:30 AM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 06:23 PM)

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#442124 - 07/25/13 11:44 AM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 289
Loc: PA
GoldStone - at least someone had to pay for their actions.

My perp (step father) was the one who told my mother with me sitting on the steps. I'll never forget that day - the shame and embarrassment... The physical abuse stopped. Although, I remember him exposing himself to me again, but I hated him before the abuse and still hated him so nothing was ever going to happen again and if it did I would have fought to the death to not let it happen. I soon went off to boarding school and never came home again.

We never talked about the abuse again from that point on. It disgusts me how many stories there are of the information being out there and total lack of ability to help the victims or to keep the perp from doing it again. Apparently, according to my mom, they saw three different counselors and all said step father would be cured if he just stopped drinking and addressed his alcoholism. Did any of them mention that maybe I would have a few issues to deal with? WTF! Those therapist should be in jail!

Maybe not saying anything was easier than if I had tried to say something. I was so ashamed I never would have said anything. I was happy to not talk about it.

Can we create an environment where this doesn't happen anymore? Where someone can tell and we're all as a society not to inept to deal with it?
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#442552 - 07/29/13 07:01 PM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 304
I did tell my mom after a while but that didn't have the result I wanted so.. since then haven't told anyone
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

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