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#378272 - 12/05/11 02:09 PM Re: What I've been using to heal as a Christian [Re: fhorns]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2572
Hey Alfred! Just want you to know you have been heard, I am just so busy at work today that I haven't had to to reply.

I'll try to carve out some time tonight!

Good job on working on those questions... that very same question was very difficult for me as well, they really do make you dig!

#378526 - 12/07/11 12:45 AM Re: What I've been using to heal as a Christian [Re: fhorns]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2572
Hey! Sorry it took me so long to respond. Life has been WAY too busy lately. Wish that business translated into less anxiety or what have you, but sadly it usually means more for me!

Glad to hear you're working on those questions. They were hard for me as well. Definitely not questions that are quick and easy to answer.

I'm sorry that people are just giving short or pat answers or just "happy feely" kind of responses. I longed for that deeper connection and understanding as well, sadly I still do. I've reached out and opened up in lots of places, but sadly, in my area, I'm all alone too. Not that there aren't any others around, statistically they are there, just no one that is actually doing serious work and willing to be vulnerable, yet that is what is completely necessary to really heal I think.

I can say this though, your openness will help others be more open. I've seen it in the grace group I lead. When I'm willing to be open and vulnerable, others do as well. So one day, hopefully you and I will both find someone who gets it and can have the kinda of connection and conversations we're looking to have.

Being hurt and being in pain just plain sucks. It hurts and I'm with ya, after awhile you wonder when it'll get better and go away. I wish I had a final answer for you, but sadly I still have days where the pain and heaviness lie in my heart. There are days though where I don't think about it and it doesn't even come up, those are really cool days, because you really don't realize you've had them until they're past.

Keep up that trek toward being open. Yes it does mean you could get hurt, but you've survived a lot more than being rejected, you can survive that too. I used to care a lot about what people think. I've reached a point where for the most part, I only care about the opinions of those that I care about, and I can't put everyone out there in that group. At the end of the day, I've got to decide who's opinions I can really listen to, and even then, I've got to realize that even if their opinion isn't what I want it to be, it's ok, it doesn't change who I am.

Hang in there! Keep fighting to move foward!

#441905 - 07/23/13 05:12 PM Re: What I've been using to heal as a Christian [Re: fhorns]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3007
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: fhorns

Phil's website is
The website for Theophostic Prayer Ministry is
And that's what I've been using lately. Any questions?


Phil's website is
i checked it out and it is very upbeat, informative and comforting.
spiritual and scriptural.

i will be a return visitor.
thanks for this tip.


#441954 - 07/23/13 10:45 PM Re: What I've been using to heal as a Christian [Re: fhorns]
BuffaloCO Offline

Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 413
Loc: USA
I use a Theophostic Counselor and it's helping me a lot as well. One site on the web claims to list 10 reasons why it is not a Christian approach, yet none of their reasons applies to or fits the process I'm in. I am sure there are fakes out there, but for me I found the real deal and it is very scriptural, and helping me as I said. I still have a lot of work to do, but we take it one thing and one step at a time, and I'm getting closer to the goal. With certainty, I can say I am a lot farther along then I ever was, thanks to this process.
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

#442068 - 07/24/13 09:02 PM Re: What I've been using to heal as a Christian [Re: fhorns]
fhorns Offline

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 613
Hey guys,

I haven't been here in months, but I'd subscribed to email alerts and read your responses.

I also went back to my original post. I haven't been in T for about a year and a half, but I have support--which is invaluable.

I am writing to share what I read at home today--as I've done reading sparsely.

Almost 2 years ago, I got John Eldgedge's The Way of the Wild Heart. It's a followup to Wild at Heart, where he exposes men's wounded hearts, our mistakes in "fixing" them, and gives encouraging words, relating like a peer.

In The Way of the Wild Heart, he breaks down stages of men's lives and parallels them both to biblical (some) and real life people (many). I read about the Warrior stage today, where normally at 16-25 years of age, we take a stand fight for something--anything.

I'm 41, and have not had a father in my life at all. This last year though, I've had "something" in me to fight. To fight for, not against. I'd looked into online marketing, but it was and is too passive for me--and I've been passive a lot of my life.

I was and am drawn into real estate investing--for me, and also for my wife's heart. She makes over 50K in her job, I make only 15K, and I've had little incentive to grow in my current job. My boss isn't nice to me most days.

I've not felt easy this last month as I've considered going forward in joining a real estate guru or buying a program. But reading today made me realize I am in a battle. Money and all the lies it can bring is actually my fuel to press on. The lies have kept me from moving forward. I forgot what I was fighting for.

My "reason" is to say to my wife "I love you and will fight for you". She's had financial insecurity since growing up with a gambling, drinking, insurance selling father. He's stabler now, they've reconciled incredibly, but she's insecure. She wants an equal in her life.

I've felt insecure going this way alone though. I had the base question in me of "who will go with me?" I'd turned through the book unknowingly, and stopped on a page answering that very question: God will. He likes to initiate us personally.

Maybe I'm alone right now allowing him to do that.

Eldridge's first words were "most men usually don't like that answer", and I've related a lot in years past myself. But having to rely on God, having to call out, shout out, vent out, curse out----has been a blessing. Weird, I know, but I have shouted my curses and anger at God and my situation, and I've heard a cheerful "Good!". I was telling him and not holding it in. He knew--and wasn't insecure at my hostility.

I did that tonight. Seeking God, even despising him at times, has had me grow. He wants to hear me. He does want that.

He rewards me when I do too. So I am encouraged to throw my fears, rages, insecurities, and every bit of trash at him.

Why would he do that?

Because.......he He says he does. I throw my unbelief at him too. Feeling his presence is sooooooooooo worth it. Wow

#442105 - 07/25/13 07:50 AM Re: What I've been using to heal as a Christian [Re: fhorns]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5940
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
This is inspiring Alfred, thank you for sharing this. Almighty God, Our Father truly loves for us, moving Him to strengthen us even when we curse His name in our fearful hour. In fact, He writes in Matthew 12 that "every sort of sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men" except against the holy spirit, so we are aware that He is "secure" and can hear us and our transgressions against Him and still support us. That is comforting to hear that in our moments of weakness, He is there to help us.

To be able to feel that inner motivation to work to sustain something Alfred, that encouragement to build, grow and maintain a healthy way, that is also encouraging, I wish you much success on your plans.

It is good to see you again,
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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