Newest Members
0128, jeremywickers, JScott12, TMatti2, DaiseyLady
12502 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
asdude1981 (33), Avery46 (51), hans32 (46), jean-noel (49), Kirk (59), Kirk Wayne (59), Mechanical (21), OldTrafford (50)
Who's Online
1 registered (Obi), 15 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12502 Members
74 Forums
64193 Topics
447964 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#442166 - 07/25/13 08:09 PM Re: it's over [Re: Shyshark]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 609
I can't really express anything to you in words...

(((Shyshark)))
_________________________
Husky

My Story

Top
#442272 - 07/26/13 09:13 PM Re: it's over [Re: Shyshark]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 419
Loc: Canada
Hi guys ...

All is well again.

Thank you so much for your support.

I beg a favour.

If you know somebody else who is bipolar
please please ...

try to understand.

For some ... the ride they take can be described as nothing less than horrendous ...
especially if they have the 'rapid cycle' problem ...
like I do.

Life is mostly level for me ... but what just happened is ... sadly ... not rare.

I can wake up in the morning and want to scream ... because I know what's happening
and what's in store for me ... and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.
It's not that I lose control of myself ... it's that I lose all rational perspective.
I'm an insomniac because I dread going to bed ...
because it always hits in the night
and waits for me to wake up.

Some mornings I'd like nothing more than to put my head in a wood chipper.
By noon I can be skipping through a high-end men's clothing store clutching a red hot credit card
in my greedy little fist.
By late afternoon I'm looking for the wood chipper again.
In the early evening I can be at a fancy restaurant serving exotic things that nobody in their right minds would think was food ...
and enjoying every disgusting minute of it.
(Really ... how hungry was the first Frenchman when he decided to eat snails!)
By bedtime I don't want to get in the bed.
I want to get under it ... and lay there ...
and wait for death.

It's exhausting ... so you crave sleep ... but are afraid of it ...
afraid that when you wake up ... it will not have gone ... it will still be there.
Luckily this kind of severity doesn't happen often ... or last long ... but it can lead to a long depression.

Tragically ...
more people with Bipolar Disorder take their own lives than those with any other mental illness.

Oddly ... the doom and gloom is always about the present ... and how it's all about to come apart.
I never think of my abuse or the bullying or the repeated loss of my dear ones.

So ... this is probably a little more than you would like know ...

... but there it is.
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

Top
#442274 - 07/26/13 09:27 PM Re: it's over [Re: Shyshark]
Shyshark Offline


Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 419
Loc: Canada
take note ...

I said I never think of the loss of my dear ones ...

That isn't true ... I do think of them ...
but in terms of 'loss'

The whole thing for me is about 'loss'

I'm about to lose something I care about.

It's why I isolate.
If you don't care about anything ...
there's nothing to lose.
_________________________
Experience is a brutal teacher.

Top
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.