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#441188 - 07/17/13 05:27 PM CSA and Our Concept of Time
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 585
A bit more positive in general, I caught myself trying to plan out the next few months. To set goals, to set a time frame for those goals, to write out a good routine, etc. And then I thought, "Wait a minute...why a few months? Why not...years? Decades?" Now, I know it may sound slightly silly to plan for such long periods of time, but I went on of a tangent about this, and thought, "Gee you know what - I think I've been living my life as if it's going to end tomorrow." It might have something to do with abuse. I could never think of things in the long term, because a) I was too caught up in things to think that far and b) because I couldn't imagine myself living past 30. But hey, what if, just what if, I live to see myself balding and greying (no offense to the older guys on here)? I pondered this and it really did widen my horizons a bit - if I assumed there are many, many years to come in my life. That opens up a lot of new doors in terms of possibilities, or where I can direct my life. Just rambling a bit, but would appreciate some feedback...this thought had never struck me before.
_________________________
Husky

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#441226 - 07/17/13 11:48 PM Re: CSA and Our Concept of Time [Re: concerned_husky]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6845
Loc: USA
CH,

I also struggled with a lack of being able to plan ahead. For one thing, life had become such a huge struggle that I couldn't be certain of what would come in the future. I lived day-to-day. But as healing has progressed, I've been able to visualize where I've been and where I might be in the future. Laying out my pictures in chronological order with brief explanations has greatly helped to clear my mind on these things. I've had dissociative disorder and it clouded my concept of time. It really had nothing to do with my hair color except that I had a fear of losing the attribute of youthfulness.

Puff

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#441237 - 07/18/13 05:47 AM Re: CSA and Our Concept of Time [Re: concerned_husky]
Ivo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 267
Loc: Germany
I do not believe that any long run plannig would be realistic. It could be good idea to have some kind of general plan if that makes you somehow focused but life is in general non plannable thing.
I have to laugh to this idea of non imagination of life after 30.

For me would be more troublesome if for example you are locked in past time and actually not living real life that is hapenning now… but this is another set of issues I suppose.

And yes there are endless possibilities in life, life is great thing do not let it run away without you.

Cheers

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#441254 - 07/18/13 02:37 PM Re: CSA and Our Concept of Time [Re: concerned_husky]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 05:37 PM)

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#441258 - 07/18/13 05:06 PM Re: CSA and Our Concept of Time [Re: concerned_husky]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3322
Loc: O Kanada
in my professional life:
TIME is a TOOL.
1979-1988 running trains for railway.
1979-2013 running live performances, rehearsals, projects, concerts, theater, records, videos, etc.
timing is everything.
took several time-management courses.
i have mastered it.
near perfect punctuality. schedules and budgets.
estimates, meetings, and division of labour.
precision, efficiency, production, planning, preparation.

in my personal life:
TIME is a TYRANT.
chaos, frustration, always late, never ready.
3 teen children, 1 wife, musicians and artists for friends.
i cannot teach them anything.
they refuse to learn what i know and want me to leave my organizational skills at work. they do not want to be organized.

i do not know how to be halfway, so i let my wife run the show and desperately try to keep my mouth shut.


_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#441282 - 07/18/13 07:37 PM Re: CSA and Our Concept of Time [Re: concerned_husky]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
brilliant. both of you.

I know a sexual addiction counselor who counsels his clients to reduce unwanted behavior over time. the clients are permitted for example 5 masturbations per week in the first week and then down to four etcetera. ie do it freely without guilt. he also coaches them to use different pornography or use different rooms in the house or different times of day to dislodge the ritual. I think this is very compassionate counseling and it's the way human beings grow. wanting too much too quickly is a recipe for disaster.


Edited by GoldStone (07/18/13 07:43 PM)

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#441917 - 07/23/13 06:29 PM Re: CSA and Our Concept of Time [Re: concerned_husky]
bey Offline


Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 204
Loc: canada
Hey pufferfish,
Question for you, if you ever see this (sorry to hijack the thread!). You said you had a dissociative disorder, does that mean you don't anymore? And if so, how'd you manage that?
Thanks!
Ben

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#441951 - 07/23/13 10:31 PM Re: CSA and Our Concept of Time [Re: bey]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6845
Loc: USA
Thank you for the question. It would take a book to say everything, but here's an attempt:

It's been a long journey. I had a career in college teaching. I was successful except for problems with flashbacks and panic attacks and some breakthrough memories of abuse as a child. For instance, the first book on child abuse appeared and I saw it in the window of a bookstore in Nashville. I broke into tears. I wondered, why did I have that reaction? When teaching I had some teaching personalities in which I tried to imitate the style of some superior communicator. I was hired to teach in a college where they featured a painting of a weeping boy. I felt at home with that but I didn't know why.

When I "remembered" the abuse of my childhood (that means the amnesia lapsed), I had huge flashbacks and entered a world I had been unaware of before. I became aware of a self who had experienced huge traumas as a child. I lost the sense of self I had grown up with and I became lost as I became a child again in an unfamiliar world. I had several different therapists. One was good at helping me with flashbacks and then another one helped me with dissociative disorder. He diagnosed me as having dissociative identity disorder and led me through making a chart of the various identities and then merging the child alters. Finally I arrived at a feeling of being double. I was both an adult and a child bearing the memories of huge trauma from a summer camp when I was barely 12. I checked the library for articles about torture of people. I found a bunch of articles mostly telling about torture of people in South America. I broke off of therapy for awhile for several reasons. I realized that I had gone through some of the same experiences.

After a bunch of years in which I saw several therapists, one of them recommended that I seek EMDR therapy. I did that and the therapist led me through a series of EMDR sessions in which I started with an emotion or a triggered experience. Then the EMDR experience led me into the brutal feelings of being abused and tortured in the summer camp in Maryland. It was rough and afterward I had to walk around for a couple of hours to calm down. But several days later I realized that I was free of the triggering emotion. The last of these EMDR sessions was of a different kind. I had huge feelings of terror. This was because my abuser gave me LSD when I was 12. I "handled" this by switching to a new personality. (The term "switching" refers to what a person with dissociative identity does when they go from one personality to another).

I was seeing another trusted T for "talk therapy". He helped me week-by-week by talking through with me the struggles I was experiencing in everyday life. I was reading as much as I could about child abuse and dissociation.

I became aware that there were other "dark" areas of my life I had never worked on with a therapist. So I returned to the T who had helped me years before with all the child personalities (or "alters") I had at that time. I am still working with him to try to help these areas. For instance, I had a dream several months ago in which I was in a crib in an upstairs room. I was a small child. I was watching the door to the room which had Venetian blinds on the glass. There was another bed in the room. I was terrified as I realized that someone, an abuser, was coming to the door. When I awoke I didn't understand the dream. But I now think it was an untold story from what I have called Pufferfish story part 1.
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...2889#Post212889

I'm still working on this, so far without success. I had T session today and he reviewed techniques I could use at home to make progress with this.

Pufferfish



Edited by pufferfish (07/24/13 09:04 AM)

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#441961 - 07/23/13 11:34 PM Re: CSA and Our Concept of Time [Re: concerned_husky]
bey Offline


Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 204
Loc: canada
Thanks pufferfish,
I was diagnosed with DID some years ago, so I am always interested in hearing from people who have dissociation issues. Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. I have been I therapy for a long time but just started working with a therapist with experience treating dissociation and d.i.d. I am really hoping to make some progress, but I know it will be slow going.
Anyways, it's always cool to hear from someone else with d.i.d or similar issues. You don't normally do that in real life, or at least if you do you don't know it.
Peace,
Ben

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#442034 - 07/24/13 03:10 PM Re: CSA and Our Concept of Time [Re: concerned_husky]
Rambler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 134
Loc: Planet Earth
Husky, let me put it in the words in a song from one of my favorite artists.

'Too much living is no way to die'

If I could turn back time I would definitely plan for the future, especially when it comes to finances and stability. I did not and I am paying for it now. Let my story be a cautionary tale for you.

Much love,

John

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