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#446902 - 09/11/13 12:04 PM Re: Nightmares ! [Re: Wife - Survivor]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
My wife and I have been dealing with nightmares for our whole time together (16 years, wow! and 9 years of marriage) but for most of that time, she was the one getting nightmares as she is a CSA survivor. I have gotten very good at calming her and bringing her back. She would occasionally wake up screaming, and i would sometimes wake up feeling her tossing and turn in her sleep, stuff like wetting the bed and crying in her sleep is not uncommon. From what I have read it is best not to wake someone in the middle of a nightmare and instead let them wake up on their own. Waking her up would sometimes make her afraid of me until she was fully awake.

Usually I would ask her if she wanted to talk about it. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes I would snuggle with her until she felt safe enough to go to sleep, other times she would go sleep on the couch.

After I was raped almost 4 years ago, I also get nightmares and that really throws a wrench into the mix! at least once a night I usually jolt awake in bed sometimes screaming. I also will 'fight back' in my nightmares on top of my usual leg cramps and restless legs and now that I'm getting more muscle in my legs it's been causing bruises for her and waking her up. I have found that before bed I need some kind of muscle relaxer.
_________________________
“If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.”

- Saint John of the Cross

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#446905 - 09/11/13 01:49 PM Re: Nightmares ! [Re: Wife - Survivor]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1554
Nightmares are horrible reminders of the abuse. How the memories creep into our subconscious as we sleep--shows the power the memories have over us. I had a long period of these nightmares but they have become less frequent. How they were handled by those around me is not worth speaking of.

They are unsettling but as one heals and the memories are released I have found they have less of a control over me. My sleep is much improved. I feel sorry for anyone who lives these nightmares and for those who have caring supporters around them and feel pain and sorrow for their loved one.

It should get better over time as the survivor continues to heal. Will they ever be totally gone, I wish the answer was yes but I know their will always be a reminder.

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#446910 - 09/11/13 02:49 PM Re: Nightmares ! [Re: Wife - Survivor]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 329
My H used to have them. I am a heavy sleeper so for years I was very unaware of it.

Since therapy they have almost completely been eliminated and the remaining ones are much less disturbing.

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#446964 - 09/12/13 07:37 AM Re: Nightmares ! [Re: Wife - Survivor]
HopeDiesLast Offline


Registered: 01/15/13
Posts: 62
I wake him up when I notice he has a nightmare. In the first few years, he reacted very startled and tense, nowadays he usually wakes up just enough to grab my arm and hold on tight and drift back into more peaceful sleep. (Good progress, if you ask me.)

When he remembers what the nightmare was about, we usually talk about it in the morning, though sometimes he doesn't go into details. I know enough that when he tells me the nightmare played at XY place I get the gist.

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