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#441668 - 07/21/13 11:34 PM My 1st post
Joy Offline


Registered: 07/18/13
Posts: 8
Loc: Maryland
Took my MS 9 months of acting out (he hurt us both profoundly but of course himself the most) then hitting rock bottom to finally seek recovery. He WILL get better & finally learn to put himself 1st (he deserves that SO much) but this has been 1 of the most painful experiences of my life. I'm so grateful for this site, it has really helped to ground me. It's been one of the ways I've cared for my own well being during this incredibly difficult time.
Joy

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#441675 - 07/22/13 12:15 AM Re: My 1st post [Re: Joy]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3362
Loc: O Kanada
sounds like you just made it through a rough patch.

welcome to temporary sanctuary.

stay a while, get your bearings.

heal and recover.

you are welcome here.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#441702 - 07/22/13 05:34 AM Re: My 1st post [Re: Joy]
Joy Offline


Registered: 07/18/13
Posts: 8
Loc: Maryland
Yes, a very rough one. My MS has only just begun to heal and because we are so connected the same can be said for me. In fact, we are still working to rid ourselves of the last vestiges of his attempted self destruction, his fear & shame are still trying to run things, sigh.

Thank you for the welcome, this is indeed a sanctuary for me.
Joy

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#441743 - 07/22/13 12:55 PM Re: My 1st post [Re: Joy]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3612
Loc: South-East Europe
Welcome to Male survivor Joy!
I'm sorry to hear about difficult time that you are having.
I'm glad that you found sort of sanctuary here.
Share your problems with us, sometimes it is not much needed to feel better.
You are not alone, we are here to give support to each other.

Pero
_________________________
My story

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#441744 - 07/22/13 12:58 PM Re: My 1st post [Re: Joy]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1717
I am glad you are here as well as your survivor seeking help to heal. CSA hurts many, including the victim and those around them. It is wonderful to see him seeking help as well as yourself. Good luck.

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#441909 - 07/23/13 05:33 PM Re: My 1st post [Re: Joy]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 288
Loc: PA
My wife and I were at a session today - right after I had my session. She is really hurting. I really didn't think she would read my story after I posted it - at least not for a while. There were things in there she didn't know about. Things I never denied, but didn't tell either. I could have never said them, but chose to be completely open about the stuff I'm discovering.

It was a painful session, but in the end I think our relationship will be stronger. I feel so bad for her. There is a lot of discussion\books about helping sexual abuse victims, but there doesn't seem to be that much for the spouses. In many ways she seems like a victim of the abuse too.

I've mentioned this site to her, but she is reluctant to go.

Welcome Joy and glad you are finding support here like so many of us are as well.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#441910 - 07/23/13 05:43 PM Re: My 1st post [Re: Joy]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3362
Loc: O Kanada
please be patient and gentle with her.

she may return the favour.

if she has no experience this is nearly impossible to understand.

my wife knows just about everything, but doesn't really want to.
i gave up trying to "make her understand" and instead i am grateful that she cannot.

i leave her out of my ups and downs for the most part, and she understands why it is happening.
when i am acting out or acting up or just acting crazy, she stands by me, but does not tolerate inappropriate behaviour, so i get a good smackdown. we have been together for almost 30 years now, 22 of those married.

we are doing ok.

i wish you all the best in your marriage.

treat her like gold.
show her all the love you can.
[ and you know i don't mean sex wink ]
hugs and flowers and housework and sweet notes, poems and letters. stay romantic and show your gratitude for her loyalty.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#441952 - 07/23/13 10:41 PM Re: My 1st post [Re: Joy]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 288
Loc: PA
V.V. - thanks for the perspective. I think maybe I was trying to make her understand to some degree. I know she sees my journey and my time spent trying to recover as something she can't participate in. And at the same time threatened by how much time it takes away from me being with her. I've self isolated so I never gave anyone my time for our entire marriage - it all went to her or the kids. Now I spend time here or trying to develop friendships that I couldn't do before.

I think my wife doesn't want to know everything either, but I miss her being my best friend who I could share everything with.

Patient and gentle… that sounds right to me.
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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