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#441619 - 07/21/13 03:22 PM Who here told right away or soon after?
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
The secrecy surrounding CSA is infamous, as are the emotional effects of keeping such secrets - not least seeing the perp walk free.

But did anyone here tell immediately - like, within 24 hours? If not, then at least soon after, like 6 months? If so what was the result? Do you think it was good for you to have done so?

I guess I'm really asking - who got to see the perp face justice?


Matt
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"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#441640 - 07/21/13 09:31 PM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1307
That is a question which - for me at least - has no easy, straight-forward answer.

I was sort of forced to tell. My abuser was also molesting several little girls in the neighborhood. One of them had nightmares and spilled out to her mom what he was doing to her and some of her friends. The neighborhood was soon up in arms over it, and since I was this guy's little side-kick, I was asked if I was a victim as well. And so I divulged the darkest secret of my entire 14-year-old life and quite frankly the terror of that moment sitting across from my mom was worse than what my molester was making me do.

Somehow nothing came of it and my abuse continued. It was never even discussed again. But the girls were saved, at least. My abuse got a lot more secretive and quite a bit more intense.

Looking back, it was the right thing for me to divulge my humiliation, as tough as it was. I lived all the pain of the admission but received none of the upside. The adults squandered a golden opportunity to save me.
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#441642 - 07/21/13 09:35 PM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
KMCINVA Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1628
I am so sorry so many turned their back on the abuse. It is sad adults do not believe and even when one discloses abuse decades later that are doubted and made to feel shame, guilt and denial. You helped that little girl--you should be proud of yourself. I hope you are healing and your life is moving forward.

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#441658 - 07/21/13 10:28 PM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: KMCINVA]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
I have a memory trying to tell. I remembered these phrases and the childish vocabulary with which I would have communicated then. In each case I failed to make myself understood. They were not able and willing to hear what a little boy was trying to say.

When I was 4, mother was washing dishes. I tried to say something and she told me to go out and play with my trucks.

Originally Posted By: Pufferfish at age 4
Bobby put his peepee thing in my bottom hole.


When I was 10, I told in a very inept way. My father beat the c--p out of me.

When I was 12, I told the camp doctor. He promised he would fix it. Instead it got much worse.

Quote:
Name withheld made me suck his cock


Puffer

Added later: The incident when I was 10 involved a whole bunch of boys. One of the boys was used to gather up the others. I don't know what the details are, but I was told later that he ended up in the state prison. It may have been years later, I don't know. That was probably because one of the other boys in that gathering was being listened to by his father.


Edited by pufferfish (07/22/13 10:31 AM)

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#441716 - 07/22/13 08:13 AM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/27/14 05:42 PM)

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#441770 - 07/22/13 04:58 PM ! [Re: SoccerStar]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 09:05 PM)

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#441774 - 07/22/13 05:18 PM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Didn't need to tell, we were discovered in the act, my little shorts pulled, etc. It didn't stop- enough said. From that point forward I experienced what Gary said.. hit often, yelled at often, constantly humiliated, and continually ostracized.

And then in my early 30s, told of the teen yrs to the state police. Long, simple story... no justice. At least they didn't hit me physically- just emotionally.

b
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#442037 - 07/24/13 04:20 PM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York

So.... did NO ONE here get timely protection and due process??

Res ipsa loquitur.
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My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#442040 - 07/24/13 04:46 PM ! [Re: SoccerStar]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
!


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (02/28/14 09:04 PM)

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#442045 - 07/24/13 05:51 PM Re: Who here told right away or soon after? [Re: SoccerStar]
GoldStone Offline


Registered: 05/28/13
Posts: 220
Loc: Far East
Last year my best friend from high school called me the night she found out her boyfriend had been molesting her daughter (my god daughter)for years. He was crying and apologizing and saying he was in love with the girl and had fled their house. as is so common, she was feeling sorry for HIM. I convinced her to hang up the phone and call the police immediately and he was apprehended walking on the street a few miles away within hours. Arizona state law is relatively strict. he was quickly tried and sentenced. When he's finished with his term her family will leave the state and he will wear an ankle bracelet for the rest of his life.

He wasn't my molester, but it sure helped me get over the guy who perped my brother (who in turn 'educated' me). THAT guy, was a music teacher and was fired for the abuse (not sure if he served time).


Edited by GoldStone (07/24/13 06:06 PM)

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